When doing group therapy in prison, we encouraged group members to give feedback to each other as they presented assignments to share their life experiences and how they developed healthy and unhealthy thinking patterns. Sometimes the feedback was pretty intense, sharp, harsh, and quite raw. The group member receiving feedback might get angry, withdraw, or become emotional. Some complained that the feedback felt like attacks of unwarranted, unnecessary, or unfair criticism. Then they were reminded that by joining the group, they had given permission for the others to give feedback. Feedback was essential and effective as they strived to discover how they got off track from making good decisions and how they could learn to create and maintain healthy relationships moving forward.

In our own lives, how can we turn criticism into learning experiences? How can we give and receive feedback and develop it as a tool for strengthening relationships? I would suggest that instead of attacks of criticism, we can counsel together without being harsh, sharp, or mean, and actually transform such discussions into acts of caring and love. These can be councils of love.

Missionaries learn from the new Second Edition of Preach My Gospel how to hold Companionship Councils. You can picture how to adapt these for couple councils, roommate councils, family councils, parent/child councils, and more.

Hold a companionship council. This usually includes the following elements:

    • If desired, share appropriate personal goals and ask your companion for help in accomplishing them.
    • Discuss the strength of your relationship. Discuss any challenges with being obedient or working in unity. Resolve any conflicts by (1) allowing each person to fully express his or her views, (2) understanding and accepting each person’s concerns, and (3) building a solution together that addresses the most important concerns.
    • Share with your companion what you think his or her strengths are. Ask for suggestions on how you can improve.
    • Set goals that will improve your relationship.

Elder M. Russell Ballard (1928-2023) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “Alma taught, “Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good.” Inviting the Lord to be part of our family council through prayer will improve our relationships with each other. We can, with Heavenly Father and our Savior’s help, become more patient, thoughtful, helpful, forgiving, and understanding as we pray for help. With Their help, we can make our homes a little bit of heaven here on earth.”

Elder Ballard continued: “Combined with prayer, a family council [any council] will invite the presence of the Savior, as He promised: “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Inviting the Spirit of the Lord to be part of your family council brings blessings beyond description.” (Family Councils, General Conference, April 2016).

May the Lord bless us as we counsel together to transform criticism into charity, for charity never faileth.