Very Concerned,
Help me understand how your comment, "Men just need to get over themselves " has anything to do with the Brethren's council on Gender Roles and the Authors suggestion to redefine Roles as Stewardships?
The circumstances you discribed in your personal life has placed you in circumstances that has cause you much sorrow, adjustment & growth.
Regardless, such circumstances or the many other circumstances that are a result of earthly circumstances, does not void the doctrine of gender roles, or cause the doctrine of roles to be redefined as Gender Stewardships.
In our marriage of now over 30 years we have been strict observers of the council from the Brethren regarding gender roles, and even though our primary daily activities have been different, help and assistance has been common place as we worked "TOGETHER", just like we assume Adam & Eve did in the beginning is the strength of our relationship, and security in the eyes of our children.
Gender Roles is not about men or women superiority which is an earthly perspective. These things must be viewed and best understood from an eternal perspective.
AudreyJune 30, 2016
Here's a great article with LOTS of quotes from the Brethren about gender. "Gender Identity: What Have Prophets and Apostles Said About It?" https://www.mormonwomenstand.com/topics/gender-identity-prophets-apostles-say/
Very ConcernedJune 20, 2016
In My Early Marriage raising children was a high priorty,6 to be exact,
as time marched forward my stewardship moved into bread winner! so now I am Mother and Bread Winner! My husband slowly extinguished his own stewardship,
leaving me to pick up ALL the Slack, because, he knew I would.
Found out he had been sexually abused, as time went on he became confused about himself, and who he really was, sad! Even though we were hearing the same talks and information in church, Im taking it in, and don't know what happened to him!
I dont EVER INTEND to Deliberately be PUT in a BOX!! Not aftr what I have had to assume in STEWARDSHIP responsibilities, Roles are to be cinnamon
and delicious frosting, warm. Stewardship is everlasting, character building,
confidence building and VERY Powerful, especially with the correct intentions.
Men need to get over them selves, get rid of the ego and pride, there is no place for that were I assume you want to go.
Work together, Like Adam made the choice to work with Eve, not against her.
I see the newer generation of newly Married Women and Men, working side by side, both doing what needs to be done, TOGETHER!!!!
ReneeJune 20, 2016
As a single sister, I want to say thank you! The focus on gender roles is something that often frustrates my other single friends and I because pretty much by definition a single sister can't fulfill the "woman's role" because, no children to care for and needing to go out and have a job to support ourselves. For those of us who have aged out of singles wards this adds another layer of awkwardness because it means that my day to day life has very little in common with most of the other women at church, it isn't fun being the inconvenient person who can't visit teach, be visit taught during or attend presidency meetings during the work day. Even though I think that if called out on it, most of the women in my ward's Relief Society would insist that they don't mean me when they are making disparaging comments about women who don't understand women's roles, I still feel like they are basically saying that my life isn't valid because no one ever liked me enough to want to marry me.
Stewardship feels much more inclusive.and less like my inability to find someone to marry (yet?) basically means I'm a failure. I'm not a wife, I'm not a mother (and think that the "all women are mothers" line is a disrespectful to the hard work and sacrifices that come with actually being a mother) but I do have stewardships that I can fill.
Michelle BJune 20, 2016
Love the article. Very insightful.
Bruce ForbesJune 19, 2016
If the Lord's mouthpiece is using the word role that much I'll bet it's on purpose. If it is being directed at women with that much frequecy then maybe women should be listening to the Lord and not giving Him instructions. I notice that the frequecy of the usage of the word increased as women replaced their roles in the home with their roles in the workplace. Unfortunately, the Lord has not changed His mind to accodate them.
Happy ArizonaJune 17, 2016
Even though the author has made great effort in presenting her position, she has missed the greater Gospel understanding.
The author, multitudes of others, or even the amazing “stay at home dad” should not feel burdened as they have simply made a choice, like the many choices we all make daily relating to adhering either fully or partially to commandments or doctrines of the church. We are ask to obey all of Gods commandments, but there are many doctrines that are not commandments.
Not following a commandment is a sin, but not following a specific doctrine (not associated with a commandment) is simply a choice of being comfortable with the end results of your decision.
Let me explain.
The doctrines associated with gender roles are not commandments. Members that are not conforming to the doctrines are not breaking any commandments, or committing any sin. There should be no burden or guilt. However, every doctrine in the gospel has WARNINGS or circumstances that will or may occur if the doctrinal guidelines are not adhered to, and associated BLESSINGS for those that do obediently adhere. So those that do not adhere to some level of the doctrines that the Prophets and Apostles have taught, like those associated with gender roles, simply may ( for themselves or their children) at sometime become subject to some or all of the WARNINGS taught, and also may simply at sometime forfeit some or all of the promised BLESSINGS that have been promised to those that are obedient to the doctrine of gender roles. A possible risky choice, but not a sin.
No member should ever judge any other member for their individual choices. However, members should not sit idly by if some members desire to change the meanings or interpretation of doctrines to justify their decisions. Doing so, and not taking a stand, contributes to the continued deterioration of the traditional family. Those that may be considering not following doctrinal directions relating to the gender roles should carefully consider the warnings and blessings that may be forfeited when either ignoring partially, or in whole the doctrine.
Changing the word roles to stewardship does not void the warnings or solitify the blessings. Lets just all settle down, and follow the Brethern, as it is pretty simple and stop trying to play Monday morning quarterback with the Gospel and the associated doctrine.
MinorityButNotSilentJune 17, 2016
If there is one thing identity politics has taught this generation, it is how to be offended.
Role-a function assumed by a person in a particular situation
synonyms:duty, responsibility, office, mantle etc. (google)
Looks like a perfectly reasonable word to use, while steward does not. A steward is the head keeper of the goods and provisions of a household. In fact, all references to stewards and stewardship in the scriptures are referring to this employment position, or the distribution of goods under the law of consecration. (We have stewardships in our home- don't tell the kids, but this means chores.)
The steward is never the owner.
The concept of certain gender roles in the context of a Christian home has always existed. I keep a small collection of books on family that span the 18th to 20th centuries, and the words commonly used instead of role were maternal charge or duty, even office. I wonder if the author would approve of these terms?
I agree with Jessica's premise that the higher frequency of use may be because the message is in higher need.
davidJune 16, 2016
2NE. 31: 3 "For my soul delighteth in plainness; for after this manner doth the Lord God work among the children of men. For the Lord God giveth light unto the bunderstanding; for he speaketh unto men according to their clanguage, unto their understanding."
When we juxtapose words and their meanings we can increase the clarity of our understanding. This to me is a good thing. Keep it up.
LuizaJune 16, 2016
Great article. But why use the term "gender stewardships," as opposed to "family stewardships," especially as the focus of the article was on families? The ideas in the article counter the notion of prescribed gender roles, while retaining that we are still circumscribed by gender-oriented responsibilities. This can be confusing.
ShandraJune 16, 2016
THANK U! I'm stuck in a horrible marriage because of the rigid role rules he thought he was pushing on me up be for "my good". As a result, there is no love or compassion between us and only resentment of feeling like he only wanted to marry a role that could have been replaced by any other 'female'. We are all human beings, Gods spirit children with our own gifts and talents and each should be applauded in finding, developing and using them to the best of our ability to profit our family and mankind.
HH9June 16, 2016
Great read, Julie. I'm sad so many comments berate and belittle the article and you personally. All is not well in Zion when we say such things to one another.
JessicaJune 16, 2016
Not loving the article, Julie. It seems like it's another thing to be offended by, and it seems like it's a lot of research to prove it's a problem. Whether you call it a 'role' or a 'stewardship', it's the same thing. You go down this path and you'll have to redefine 'stewardships' because someone reads too deeply into a word and chooses to be offended. The amount of research you did is impressive, but it's not research, it's using snippits to prove an already-determined outcome (much the same way anti-Mormon authors can find all sorts of 'research' to prove that Joseph was a charlatan. Heck, in 1956, how many talks were there about pornography? or homosexuality? or shopping on Sunday? Do the research and see that it wasn't mentioned because it wasn't an issue then. Maybe the increased mentioning of the term 'gender roles' is because it's becoming an issue more and more with the current transgender debate and equal duties for men and women (the draft)? I think the mention of gender roles is because society is working so hard to remove those traditional roles (the ones God laid out for us) and make it so there is no gender distinction. If you choose to be offended by a WORD, that's throwing yourself into the mix of people anxious to be offended by anything.
KaelaJune 16, 2016
What an incredible article! These are words that describe my feelings so well. Those commenting that men should be masculine and women should be feminine...yes, we should be AND we need more men that have a sensitive side and women that have a strong side. Men are not allowed to be sensitive and it is creating an issue of violence in our society. And do we not want women to have the strength when needed?
This strict mold we are shoving people into is doing damage and causing guilt and possibly destroying marriages.
Thank you for at least bringing dialogue to this issue. While I don't think we should be sensitive to words, I think that it's important to use the right words because every word had a definition and if it's leading people to think differently than what the Lord intended...then we need to use the correct words so we understand what He did intend for us to understand.
RachelJune 15, 2016
Great article! It's so validating. Thank you for writing this.
CueJune 14, 2016
Here's the dealeo, from one of the afore mentioned males of action... The only people who see roles as restrictive and confining, thus limiting, are those who live their lives in box, and are completely comfortable with that box. It is easier for them to label people and decisions and actions so that they fit nicely into.... or outside of "the box"! The rest of us look to partner with a spouse whose strengths lift the team. We understand the weaknesses, of both our partners AND OURSELVES. We are grateful when our spouse picks up the ball and runs with it better than we could ever do. And whether that strength is nature or nurture, is unimportant.
Finally, it is the admission that some things are second "nature" to some, and not to others. The nurture, we can, with a lot of effort and help, change. The wisdom to know the difference between the two is key to finding peace and satisfaction from this mortal sojourn.
So I encourage a lot less labeling based on words and a lot more eyes open, thinking and doing...
jerry clarkJune 14, 2016
You said,,, Though it is not my intent to mock or belittle those who hold this view, I think this is an unwarranted fear.
Good article. Your concern about using the term "gender roles", might, as a concern, be some what over inflated. In reading your article I didn't feel the term has been over used or misstated. However, if others feel it is over used, your article will help pave the way for a change. LDS are as subject to accepting and using terms as the rest of the world, heck, I've done it myself.
VictoriaJune 14, 2016
I agree with this article in general. But I want men to look and act like men and women to look and act like women. Is that wrong? I want strong masculine men and feminine women. I don't want women fighting in combat. I don't. They are not strong enough. No unisex please!
VioladivaJune 14, 2016
Thanks, Julie, for this thoughtful analysis. My husband and I both work to support our family and share child rearing and house work responsibilities. We have come to understand our stewardships in the following way: Children and families need to be protected, provided for, nurtured and presided over. Parents fulfill these responsibilities as equal partners. Some days I am a 50% financial provider and a 50% nurturer. Sometimes the percentages flip flop, or fluctuate, but the important thing for me and my husband is that the our children are always getting 100% of their needs met. Their nurturing needs are met by mom and dad. Both mom and dad preside and provide. Our children see their parents sharing the work and working together. The cool thing is that every family gets to choose how to break up that 100% in whatever way they want!
By sharing the 100%, our kids never lack for time with either parent, neither parent gets sucked into their job for too many hours, neither parent goes crazy being with the kids all the time. It has been a beautiful system for us!
My advice to young couples is to make sure that both partners have a chance to take on whatever amount of the stewardships they feel called to do!!
StephanieJune 14, 2016
Thank you for the thought and care you put into this! I definitely feel that words matter, whether they help make a concept more specific and accurate or more expansive. And I love the idea of expanding my understanding of what might fall under the umbrella of "providing" and "nurturing" within my family (and how that will look different in families that aren't mine).
LucindaJune 14, 2016
I think it's hard for women to understand that just -talking- differently doesn't actually fix important problems facing many people in marriages and society generally. Talking things out is a decidedly female way of trying to re-balance when they feel there is a problem. But men do not do this as much. If we care about families, we need to recognize the intractability of human nature, and work in ways that make room for men to solve things they way they usually do, usually involving less -talking- and more action.
And the fact is that most men are not as well suited to the domestic realm, and women are vastly more valuable at home than they are at a paid job. I've seen it estimated that a mother outside the home is a loss of a million dollars per child to the future economy.
But I guess such ideas are too unfriendly to get much traction in a world where so many people are so fragile, which is part of the side-effect of mothers outside the home.
Scott HinrichsJune 14, 2016
I agree that we need to be very careful about allowing the world to frame how we approach, think about, and talk about sacred matters. That framing can be a straitjacket that forces conclusions that are very different than the Lord's approach.
Last Sunday I was asked to substitute teach 16-year-olds about how women and priesthood holders work together to build the kingdom of God. My mind naturally went to the world's framing of why women are not ordained to the priesthood. After proper preparation, the Spirit was able to communicate to me that this is improperly framed. That is, the question is wrong. I know that the world will keep people asking that question both inside and outside of the Church, but I was helped to understand that our Heavenly Parents don't look at it that way at all.
As I struggled with how to teach this to the youth, the Spirit told me that I didn't need to teach it. The youth in the class would teach it and the Spirit would ratify the truth. I was instructed to ask two questions, although, I couldn't imagine how that would produce the results I felt would come. But the Spirit knows everything. The youth took my very simple questions and taught profound truths that were confirmed by the Spirit.
Rob McGhieJune 14, 2016
A rose by any other name....
andreaJune 14, 2016
Amen and Amen! Thank you so much for this! Why can't a person just play to their strengths and use the gifts they were given regardless of their gender?! It does not make anyone less than or less male or female. Thank goodness I have a husband who understands this - just wish more people did!
John NicholsonJune 14, 2016
Great article: we, male and female, parts of a divine family as partners: partners support each other!
AlexanderJune 14, 2016
Seeing as your article is about semantics, let me add some more. You talk about the scriptures, but what you mean are the canonized scriptures as, by definition, the talks that you used for your study are considered scripture. There are a number of rules, laws, etc. that we follow that don't appear as such in the canonized scriptures. For example, the word of wisdom was originally not a law nor does is define terms of 'hot drinks' as we understand it. Same with the law of chastity.
GoingTo100June 14, 2016
Fascinating article, definitely opened my mind to a broader thought process and a greater understanding about our devine nature as men and women. I support the author's conclusions.
Junk BinJune 14, 2016
Another disgruntled feminist that wants the plan changed to fulfill their twisted desire for power.
Norma JaegerJune 14, 2016
Beautifully and intelligently stated and very important concept in our worldwide church. The concept of stewardship is particularly thoughtful and useful. Well done!
AnnaJune 14, 2016
Thank you for this--I agree 100% and have felt this way for a long time; you put my thoughts into words through your own!
I studied rather in-depth John Money, particularly the case of David Reimer, and that man is one of the LAST sources from which the Church should have used terminology! I now feel fully vindicated in my resistance to the whole concept of "gender roles" as preached in LDS culture (since, as you pointed out, this idea is not scripture-based).
Edith WhertonJune 14, 2016
Interesting that you chose stewardship. Good choice but i think you missed another good choice. How about gender gift? I feel privileged to be a daughter ofGod and the kingdom. Yes i have areas i am concerned with that require a stewardship role but thats not quite all.In this day and age with people trying to change gender whether by lifestyle, dress or actual surgery , we must be able to help people understand that the gender chosen for us by Heavenly Father is indeed a gift. Chosen by Him to bring out the very best we could be, best for us from the pre-existance to the resurrection and the eternal life to come. Its a gift that sadly isnt always valued and i wonder if in the spirit world how many will realise they have squandered the role given them.
Vicki BRIGHTJune 14, 2016
A much better perspective. Good article.
David VanLangeveldJune 14, 2016
Well said. One of the managers I worked under years ago was an active Latter-day Saint woman whose husband was a gourmet chef. Guess who did the cooking in their family. (The husband, of course.)
JoeyJune 14, 2016
Thank you for this. Whenever I heard a talk on women's roles, I felt I was strangling. They always seemed to be designed to limit the activities I could participate in. The ultimate "No Girls Alliwed" sign. And all the fun activities were off limits to women.
I have also seen them strangle the life out of marriage. Men have told me they would not change diapers or wash dishes because that was women's work. The closeness that could exist disappeared.
MichelleJune 14, 2016
Wow. I am so happy with this article I am almost crying. This is very validating. I've been told in so many ways over the years since I've joined the church that I'm not "feminine" or "girly" enough and I'm not being who Heavenly Father wants me to be, but changing the focus from playing a role to fulfilling my responsibilities in my own way makes such a difference. There is more than one "correct" way to be female, and I think it is important for issues of gender identity to be able to talk about this. The culture of the Church can end up pushing away people who don't fit Utah Mormon "norms" and making people feel like they don't fit in, when it's really not a gospel issue whether I like to decorate stuff.
DennisJune 14, 2016
This is an erudite article which was obviously exhaustively researched, but I find myself asking - "Do we really need to go here?" In a world where historically true black-and-white issues now fade to ever-expanding shades of gray, I keep returning to the Gospel structure as being one of simplicity, not semantics. If a husband "cooks" and a wife "disciplines," are they then interchanging "roles?"
Does it truly matter?
To me, the bottom line is that esoterically defining contextual meanings of terms accomplishes nothing; what counts is whether or not the husband and wife are both assuming their joint responsibilities as parents within the guidelines prescribed by the scriptures and church leaders.
Leave the defining of words to the lexicographers as we focus on abiding by Gospel principles - the "definition" of our efforts will be written in Heaven.
Steve BaerJune 14, 2016
Excellent article, especially in light of the origin and the definition of roles. I'm thrilled to see women and men rising together in their stewardships. Thanks for coining the phrase!
Comments | Return to Story
Happy ArizonaJuly 10, 2016
Very Concerned, Help me understand how your comment, "Men just need to get over themselves " has anything to do with the Brethren's council on Gender Roles and the Authors suggestion to redefine Roles as Stewardships? The circumstances you discribed in your personal life has placed you in circumstances that has cause you much sorrow, adjustment & growth. Regardless, such circumstances or the many other circumstances that are a result of earthly circumstances, does not void the doctrine of gender roles, or cause the doctrine of roles to be redefined as Gender Stewardships. In our marriage of now over 30 years we have been strict observers of the council from the Brethren regarding gender roles, and even though our primary daily activities have been different, help and assistance has been common place as we worked "TOGETHER", just like we assume Adam & Eve did in the beginning is the strength of our relationship, and security in the eyes of our children. Gender Roles is not about men or women superiority which is an earthly perspective. These things must be viewed and best understood from an eternal perspective.
AudreyJune 30, 2016
Here's a great article with LOTS of quotes from the Brethren about gender. "Gender Identity: What Have Prophets and Apostles Said About It?" https://www.mormonwomenstand.com/topics/gender-identity-prophets-apostles-say/
Very ConcernedJune 20, 2016
In My Early Marriage raising children was a high priorty,6 to be exact, as time marched forward my stewardship moved into bread winner! so now I am Mother and Bread Winner! My husband slowly extinguished his own stewardship, leaving me to pick up ALL the Slack, because, he knew I would. Found out he had been sexually abused, as time went on he became confused about himself, and who he really was, sad! Even though we were hearing the same talks and information in church, Im taking it in, and don't know what happened to him! I dont EVER INTEND to Deliberately be PUT in a BOX!! Not aftr what I have had to assume in STEWARDSHIP responsibilities, Roles are to be cinnamon and delicious frosting, warm. Stewardship is everlasting, character building, confidence building and VERY Powerful, especially with the correct intentions. Men need to get over them selves, get rid of the ego and pride, there is no place for that were I assume you want to go. Work together, Like Adam made the choice to work with Eve, not against her. I see the newer generation of newly Married Women and Men, working side by side, both doing what needs to be done, TOGETHER!!!!
ReneeJune 20, 2016
As a single sister, I want to say thank you! The focus on gender roles is something that often frustrates my other single friends and I because pretty much by definition a single sister can't fulfill the "woman's role" because, no children to care for and needing to go out and have a job to support ourselves. For those of us who have aged out of singles wards this adds another layer of awkwardness because it means that my day to day life has very little in common with most of the other women at church, it isn't fun being the inconvenient person who can't visit teach, be visit taught during or attend presidency meetings during the work day. Even though I think that if called out on it, most of the women in my ward's Relief Society would insist that they don't mean me when they are making disparaging comments about women who don't understand women's roles, I still feel like they are basically saying that my life isn't valid because no one ever liked me enough to want to marry me. Stewardship feels much more inclusive.and less like my inability to find someone to marry (yet?) basically means I'm a failure. I'm not a wife, I'm not a mother (and think that the "all women are mothers" line is a disrespectful to the hard work and sacrifices that come with actually being a mother) but I do have stewardships that I can fill.
Michelle BJune 20, 2016
Love the article. Very insightful.
Bruce ForbesJune 19, 2016
If the Lord's mouthpiece is using the word role that much I'll bet it's on purpose. If it is being directed at women with that much frequecy then maybe women should be listening to the Lord and not giving Him instructions. I notice that the frequecy of the usage of the word increased as women replaced their roles in the home with their roles in the workplace. Unfortunately, the Lord has not changed His mind to accodate them.
Happy ArizonaJune 17, 2016
Even though the author has made great effort in presenting her position, she has missed the greater Gospel understanding. The author, multitudes of others, or even the amazing “stay at home dad” should not feel burdened as they have simply made a choice, like the many choices we all make daily relating to adhering either fully or partially to commandments or doctrines of the church. We are ask to obey all of Gods commandments, but there are many doctrines that are not commandments. Not following a commandment is a sin, but not following a specific doctrine (not associated with a commandment) is simply a choice of being comfortable with the end results of your decision. Let me explain. The doctrines associated with gender roles are not commandments. Members that are not conforming to the doctrines are not breaking any commandments, or committing any sin. There should be no burden or guilt. However, every doctrine in the gospel has WARNINGS or circumstances that will or may occur if the doctrinal guidelines are not adhered to, and associated BLESSINGS for those that do obediently adhere. So those that do not adhere to some level of the doctrines that the Prophets and Apostles have taught, like those associated with gender roles, simply may ( for themselves or their children) at sometime become subject to some or all of the WARNINGS taught, and also may simply at sometime forfeit some or all of the promised BLESSINGS that have been promised to those that are obedient to the doctrine of gender roles. A possible risky choice, but not a sin. No member should ever judge any other member for their individual choices. However, members should not sit idly by if some members desire to change the meanings or interpretation of doctrines to justify their decisions. Doing so, and not taking a stand, contributes to the continued deterioration of the traditional family. Those that may be considering not following doctrinal directions relating to the gender roles should carefully consider the warnings and blessings that may be forfeited when either ignoring partially, or in whole the doctrine. Changing the word roles to stewardship does not void the warnings or solitify the blessings. Lets just all settle down, and follow the Brethern, as it is pretty simple and stop trying to play Monday morning quarterback with the Gospel and the associated doctrine.
MinorityButNotSilentJune 17, 2016
If there is one thing identity politics has taught this generation, it is how to be offended. Role-a function assumed by a person in a particular situation synonyms:duty, responsibility, office, mantle etc. (google) Looks like a perfectly reasonable word to use, while steward does not. A steward is the head keeper of the goods and provisions of a household. In fact, all references to stewards and stewardship in the scriptures are referring to this employment position, or the distribution of goods under the law of consecration. (We have stewardships in our home- don't tell the kids, but this means chores.) The steward is never the owner. The concept of certain gender roles in the context of a Christian home has always existed. I keep a small collection of books on family that span the 18th to 20th centuries, and the words commonly used instead of role were maternal charge or duty, even office. I wonder if the author would approve of these terms? I agree with Jessica's premise that the higher frequency of use may be because the message is in higher need.
davidJune 16, 2016
2NE. 31: 3 "For my soul delighteth in plainness; for after this manner doth the Lord God work among the children of men. For the Lord God giveth light unto the bunderstanding; for he speaketh unto men according to their clanguage, unto their understanding." When we juxtapose words and their meanings we can increase the clarity of our understanding. This to me is a good thing. Keep it up.
LuizaJune 16, 2016
Great article. But why use the term "gender stewardships," as opposed to "family stewardships," especially as the focus of the article was on families? The ideas in the article counter the notion of prescribed gender roles, while retaining that we are still circumscribed by gender-oriented responsibilities. This can be confusing.
ShandraJune 16, 2016
THANK U! I'm stuck in a horrible marriage because of the rigid role rules he thought he was pushing on me up be for "my good". As a result, there is no love or compassion between us and only resentment of feeling like he only wanted to marry a role that could have been replaced by any other 'female'. We are all human beings, Gods spirit children with our own gifts and talents and each should be applauded in finding, developing and using them to the best of our ability to profit our family and mankind.
HH9June 16, 2016
Great read, Julie. I'm sad so many comments berate and belittle the article and you personally. All is not well in Zion when we say such things to one another.
JessicaJune 16, 2016
Not loving the article, Julie. It seems like it's another thing to be offended by, and it seems like it's a lot of research to prove it's a problem. Whether you call it a 'role' or a 'stewardship', it's the same thing. You go down this path and you'll have to redefine 'stewardships' because someone reads too deeply into a word and chooses to be offended. The amount of research you did is impressive, but it's not research, it's using snippits to prove an already-determined outcome (much the same way anti-Mormon authors can find all sorts of 'research' to prove that Joseph was a charlatan. Heck, in 1956, how many talks were there about pornography? or homosexuality? or shopping on Sunday? Do the research and see that it wasn't mentioned because it wasn't an issue then. Maybe the increased mentioning of the term 'gender roles' is because it's becoming an issue more and more with the current transgender debate and equal duties for men and women (the draft)? I think the mention of gender roles is because society is working so hard to remove those traditional roles (the ones God laid out for us) and make it so there is no gender distinction. If you choose to be offended by a WORD, that's throwing yourself into the mix of people anxious to be offended by anything.
KaelaJune 16, 2016
What an incredible article! These are words that describe my feelings so well. Those commenting that men should be masculine and women should be feminine...yes, we should be AND we need more men that have a sensitive side and women that have a strong side. Men are not allowed to be sensitive and it is creating an issue of violence in our society. And do we not want women to have the strength when needed? This strict mold we are shoving people into is doing damage and causing guilt and possibly destroying marriages. Thank you for at least bringing dialogue to this issue. While I don't think we should be sensitive to words, I think that it's important to use the right words because every word had a definition and if it's leading people to think differently than what the Lord intended...then we need to use the correct words so we understand what He did intend for us to understand.
RachelJune 15, 2016
Great article! It's so validating. Thank you for writing this.
CueJune 14, 2016
Here's the dealeo, from one of the afore mentioned males of action... The only people who see roles as restrictive and confining, thus limiting, are those who live their lives in box, and are completely comfortable with that box. It is easier for them to label people and decisions and actions so that they fit nicely into.... or outside of "the box"! The rest of us look to partner with a spouse whose strengths lift the team. We understand the weaknesses, of both our partners AND OURSELVES. We are grateful when our spouse picks up the ball and runs with it better than we could ever do. And whether that strength is nature or nurture, is unimportant. Finally, it is the admission that some things are second "nature" to some, and not to others. The nurture, we can, with a lot of effort and help, change. The wisdom to know the difference between the two is key to finding peace and satisfaction from this mortal sojourn. So I encourage a lot less labeling based on words and a lot more eyes open, thinking and doing...
jerry clarkJune 14, 2016
You said,,, Though it is not my intent to mock or belittle those who hold this view, I think this is an unwarranted fear. Good article. Your concern about using the term "gender roles", might, as a concern, be some what over inflated. In reading your article I didn't feel the term has been over used or misstated. However, if others feel it is over used, your article will help pave the way for a change. LDS are as subject to accepting and using terms as the rest of the world, heck, I've done it myself.
VictoriaJune 14, 2016
I agree with this article in general. But I want men to look and act like men and women to look and act like women. Is that wrong? I want strong masculine men and feminine women. I don't want women fighting in combat. I don't. They are not strong enough. No unisex please!
VioladivaJune 14, 2016
Thanks, Julie, for this thoughtful analysis. My husband and I both work to support our family and share child rearing and house work responsibilities. We have come to understand our stewardships in the following way: Children and families need to be protected, provided for, nurtured and presided over. Parents fulfill these responsibilities as equal partners. Some days I am a 50% financial provider and a 50% nurturer. Sometimes the percentages flip flop, or fluctuate, but the important thing for me and my husband is that the our children are always getting 100% of their needs met. Their nurturing needs are met by mom and dad. Both mom and dad preside and provide. Our children see their parents sharing the work and working together. The cool thing is that every family gets to choose how to break up that 100% in whatever way they want! By sharing the 100%, our kids never lack for time with either parent, neither parent gets sucked into their job for too many hours, neither parent goes crazy being with the kids all the time. It has been a beautiful system for us! My advice to young couples is to make sure that both partners have a chance to take on whatever amount of the stewardships they feel called to do!!
StephanieJune 14, 2016
Thank you for the thought and care you put into this! I definitely feel that words matter, whether they help make a concept more specific and accurate or more expansive. And I love the idea of expanding my understanding of what might fall under the umbrella of "providing" and "nurturing" within my family (and how that will look different in families that aren't mine).
LucindaJune 14, 2016
I think it's hard for women to understand that just -talking- differently doesn't actually fix important problems facing many people in marriages and society generally. Talking things out is a decidedly female way of trying to re-balance when they feel there is a problem. But men do not do this as much. If we care about families, we need to recognize the intractability of human nature, and work in ways that make room for men to solve things they way they usually do, usually involving less -talking- and more action. And the fact is that most men are not as well suited to the domestic realm, and women are vastly more valuable at home than they are at a paid job. I've seen it estimated that a mother outside the home is a loss of a million dollars per child to the future economy. But I guess such ideas are too unfriendly to get much traction in a world where so many people are so fragile, which is part of the side-effect of mothers outside the home.
Scott HinrichsJune 14, 2016
I agree that we need to be very careful about allowing the world to frame how we approach, think about, and talk about sacred matters. That framing can be a straitjacket that forces conclusions that are very different than the Lord's approach. Last Sunday I was asked to substitute teach 16-year-olds about how women and priesthood holders work together to build the kingdom of God. My mind naturally went to the world's framing of why women are not ordained to the priesthood. After proper preparation, the Spirit was able to communicate to me that this is improperly framed. That is, the question is wrong. I know that the world will keep people asking that question both inside and outside of the Church, but I was helped to understand that our Heavenly Parents don't look at it that way at all. As I struggled with how to teach this to the youth, the Spirit told me that I didn't need to teach it. The youth in the class would teach it and the Spirit would ratify the truth. I was instructed to ask two questions, although, I couldn't imagine how that would produce the results I felt would come. But the Spirit knows everything. The youth took my very simple questions and taught profound truths that were confirmed by the Spirit.
Rob McGhieJune 14, 2016
A rose by any other name....
andreaJune 14, 2016
Amen and Amen! Thank you so much for this! Why can't a person just play to their strengths and use the gifts they were given regardless of their gender?! It does not make anyone less than or less male or female. Thank goodness I have a husband who understands this - just wish more people did!
John NicholsonJune 14, 2016
Great article: we, male and female, parts of a divine family as partners: partners support each other!
AlexanderJune 14, 2016
Seeing as your article is about semantics, let me add some more. You talk about the scriptures, but what you mean are the canonized scriptures as, by definition, the talks that you used for your study are considered scripture. There are a number of rules, laws, etc. that we follow that don't appear as such in the canonized scriptures. For example, the word of wisdom was originally not a law nor does is define terms of 'hot drinks' as we understand it. Same with the law of chastity.
GoingTo100June 14, 2016
Fascinating article, definitely opened my mind to a broader thought process and a greater understanding about our devine nature as men and women. I support the author's conclusions.
Junk BinJune 14, 2016
Another disgruntled feminist that wants the plan changed to fulfill their twisted desire for power.
Norma JaegerJune 14, 2016
Beautifully and intelligently stated and very important concept in our worldwide church. The concept of stewardship is particularly thoughtful and useful. Well done!
AnnaJune 14, 2016
Thank you for this--I agree 100% and have felt this way for a long time; you put my thoughts into words through your own! I studied rather in-depth John Money, particularly the case of David Reimer, and that man is one of the LAST sources from which the Church should have used terminology! I now feel fully vindicated in my resistance to the whole concept of "gender roles" as preached in LDS culture (since, as you pointed out, this idea is not scripture-based).
Edith WhertonJune 14, 2016
Interesting that you chose stewardship. Good choice but i think you missed another good choice. How about gender gift? I feel privileged to be a daughter ofGod and the kingdom. Yes i have areas i am concerned with that require a stewardship role but thats not quite all.In this day and age with people trying to change gender whether by lifestyle, dress or actual surgery , we must be able to help people understand that the gender chosen for us by Heavenly Father is indeed a gift. Chosen by Him to bring out the very best we could be, best for us from the pre-existance to the resurrection and the eternal life to come. Its a gift that sadly isnt always valued and i wonder if in the spirit world how many will realise they have squandered the role given them.
Vicki BRIGHTJune 14, 2016
A much better perspective. Good article.
David VanLangeveldJune 14, 2016
Well said. One of the managers I worked under years ago was an active Latter-day Saint woman whose husband was a gourmet chef. Guess who did the cooking in their family. (The husband, of course.)
JoeyJune 14, 2016
Thank you for this. Whenever I heard a talk on women's roles, I felt I was strangling. They always seemed to be designed to limit the activities I could participate in. The ultimate "No Girls Alliwed" sign. And all the fun activities were off limits to women. I have also seen them strangle the life out of marriage. Men have told me they would not change diapers or wash dishes because that was women's work. The closeness that could exist disappeared.
MichelleJune 14, 2016
Wow. I am so happy with this article I am almost crying. This is very validating. I've been told in so many ways over the years since I've joined the church that I'm not "feminine" or "girly" enough and I'm not being who Heavenly Father wants me to be, but changing the focus from playing a role to fulfilling my responsibilities in my own way makes such a difference. There is more than one "correct" way to be female, and I think it is important for issues of gender identity to be able to talk about this. The culture of the Church can end up pushing away people who don't fit Utah Mormon "norms" and making people feel like they don't fit in, when it's really not a gospel issue whether I like to decorate stuff.
DennisJune 14, 2016
This is an erudite article which was obviously exhaustively researched, but I find myself asking - "Do we really need to go here?" In a world where historically true black-and-white issues now fade to ever-expanding shades of gray, I keep returning to the Gospel structure as being one of simplicity, not semantics. If a husband "cooks" and a wife "disciplines," are they then interchanging "roles?" Does it truly matter? To me, the bottom line is that esoterically defining contextual meanings of terms accomplishes nothing; what counts is whether or not the husband and wife are both assuming their joint responsibilities as parents within the guidelines prescribed by the scriptures and church leaders. Leave the defining of words to the lexicographers as we focus on abiding by Gospel principles - the "definition" of our efforts will be written in Heaven.
Steve BaerJune 14, 2016
Excellent article, especially in light of the origin and the definition of roles. I'm thrilled to see women and men rising together in their stewardships. Thanks for coining the phrase!
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