The advice was excellent.....But the quote from Beach Music was superb. Truly one of my favorite books.
Renaissance NerdNovember 16, 2015
The trouble is always one of balance. Men absolutely positively need to be able to control their feelings--command them, as you might say--because the alternative is to become a monster. However it does not follow (though we mostly believe it does) that feelings may never be expressed. I grew up believing that emotions are always treacherous and deceitful, and they often are, but they are also far more reliable than logic, as what we pretend is logic is most often just post-facto rationalization of things we already FELT to be true.
Adam Smith's 'Theory of Moral Sentiments' opened a whole new view of emotions to me, because unlike the 'pure reason' Enlightenment philosophers, he had a healthy respect for emotions, or as he calls them, moral sentiments. We feel a thing to be right or wrong, and justify it by reason, but the fact we can't justify it by reason doesn't mean it's wrong, and doesn't mean we cease believing it. We almost always operate on faith in our moral sentiments, and reason is in nearly every case an afterthought.
This idea that men must never show emotion is really not that old. It's a reaction against the deceptions of romantic falsehoods. Watch 'The Longest Day' or 'The Searchers' and tell me if John Wayne shows no emotion after seeing the dead airborne troopers in Sainte Mere-Eglise or after finding his niece raped and murdered (offscreen, thankfully, "Whatcha want me to do, draw a picture? Spell it out? Don't ever ask me. Long as you live, don't ever ask me more."). Why use John Wayne as an example? Because supposedly he epitomizes the manly ideal of 50s culture. You don't have to sob and whine to show emotion, but if the Duke could do it...
JeffNovember 13, 2015
Thank you for this. It's been 11 years and I needed this information.
Been ThereNovember 13, 2015
Many years ago my first wife had a some affairs. I felt like my heart was broken and the pain was terrible. To prevent that pain again I put up huge barriers to ever fully giving my heart to someone else. Even though I am married now I can tell you that there are still fences up trying to protect myself. There is a certain trust that is lost forever, I thought I was sure the first time and I wasn't. I think I am sure the second time, but there is still that doubt in the back of my mind. I find that I will probably never quite feel completely save - and it has been 40 years. I still have my private little tear sessions. You have to be so totally open to him that you have nothing hidden, no reservations.
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Ronald KjarNovember 18, 2015
The advice was excellent.....But the quote from Beach Music was superb. Truly one of my favorite books.
Renaissance NerdNovember 16, 2015
The trouble is always one of balance. Men absolutely positively need to be able to control their feelings--command them, as you might say--because the alternative is to become a monster. However it does not follow (though we mostly believe it does) that feelings may never be expressed. I grew up believing that emotions are always treacherous and deceitful, and they often are, but they are also far more reliable than logic, as what we pretend is logic is most often just post-facto rationalization of things we already FELT to be true. Adam Smith's 'Theory of Moral Sentiments' opened a whole new view of emotions to me, because unlike the 'pure reason' Enlightenment philosophers, he had a healthy respect for emotions, or as he calls them, moral sentiments. We feel a thing to be right or wrong, and justify it by reason, but the fact we can't justify it by reason doesn't mean it's wrong, and doesn't mean we cease believing it. We almost always operate on faith in our moral sentiments, and reason is in nearly every case an afterthought. This idea that men must never show emotion is really not that old. It's a reaction against the deceptions of romantic falsehoods. Watch 'The Longest Day' or 'The Searchers' and tell me if John Wayne shows no emotion after seeing the dead airborne troopers in Sainte Mere-Eglise or after finding his niece raped and murdered (offscreen, thankfully, "Whatcha want me to do, draw a picture? Spell it out? Don't ever ask me. Long as you live, don't ever ask me more."). Why use John Wayne as an example? Because supposedly he epitomizes the manly ideal of 50s culture. You don't have to sob and whine to show emotion, but if the Duke could do it...
JeffNovember 13, 2015
Thank you for this. It's been 11 years and I needed this information.
Been ThereNovember 13, 2015
Many years ago my first wife had a some affairs. I felt like my heart was broken and the pain was terrible. To prevent that pain again I put up huge barriers to ever fully giving my heart to someone else. Even though I am married now I can tell you that there are still fences up trying to protect myself. There is a certain trust that is lost forever, I thought I was sure the first time and I wasn't. I think I am sure the second time, but there is still that doubt in the back of my mind. I find that I will probably never quite feel completely save - and it has been 40 years. I still have my private little tear sessions. You have to be so totally open to him that you have nothing hidden, no reservations.
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