I think we can universally agree that we should treat ALL people with kindness, compassion and love. This article is supportive of these timeless truths. However, I am concerned about the growing false doctrine I sometimes hear from other sources that love and compassion are justification for sin. They are not. President Spencer W. Kimball taught us something very interesting about how sin makes its way into our lives. He said that we first endure sin, then we pity it, then we finally embrace it. We must not allow our emotions to confuse us about the difference between right and wrong.
Dennis HorneMarch 4, 2020
Pres. Ballard's address to the BYU devotional on 3/3/2020 surely explains this matter as clearly as it can be, and the BYU honor code letter from Elder Johnson today also clarifies.
JoanMarch 2, 2020
This is in response to Jim who questions the definition of condone as stated in the article. Here is what I found in a quick Google search.. condone. - From Latin condonare, "refrain from punishing," it does not mean "approve of, endorse"; it means "let something pass without interference even though you probably disapprove," or "pardon, forgive, overlook."
FredMarch 2, 2020
You selectively quoted President Oaks, and left out an important part of his statement:
“Our walk opposes recruitment away from the covenant path, and it denies support to any who lead people away from the Lord.”
Dennis HorneFebruary 27, 2020
I am not sure that redefining "condoning" is all that helpful; the definition that most people use is still the definition that most people use. I find other words like "support" and "tolerate" to also be relevant to the discussion.
I have appreciated these thoughts from a former BYU religion professor:
"When I was a young man, tolerance meant treating those with whom we disagreed with civility. It did not mean that we were obligated to accept their point of view. To many young people today, however, it means that we are to be nonjudgmental—holding all men and all ideas to be equal—and that it is morally wrong to say that something is morally wrong. It is not an unusual thing for people to cover willful disobedience with the blanket of God’s love and to advance the idea of a universal salvation that sounds dangerously similar to that advocated by Lucifer in the councils of heaven."
JimFebruary 27, 2020
Sister Decker,
While I agree that your comments are well intentioned, I can’t help but read the comments left by your readers and feel disheartened. Especially in light of the controversy now under way at our beloved BYU.
I’m not sure how long ago you penned this article but your definition of condone can not be found. No where do I see “withholding punishment”. What is first on the list as I search is “accept or allow behavior that is considered morally wrong”.
Loving unconditionally and do not judge have become hot buttons that twist good and faithful members faith into condoning (yes I said it) sin.
In welcoming family into our homes, the very place where the gospel is to be taught at it’s very center. The place where true doctrine and principles are taught before even attending church meetings, we must do as Lehi taught, make our way to the tree and the fruit and then never cease to beacon our loved ones to “come and partake” of eternal life.
People who come into our homes should make no mistake where our faith and testimony is. AofF #4 Faith and then Repentance move us to love others towards loving the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Let’s not teach the wonderful members of the true church, that loving trumps obedience or that it is not loving to be unwavering in offering gospel truth to those we love.
This is the problem with too many of our LGBT family members. They want our love and acceptance with conditions. If we accept those conditions, we are condoning.
Remember Lot’s wife!
Momi NelsonFebruary 26, 2020
Your article has inspired me to. Look at condoning in a different
perspective. More importantly, we have a responsibolity to our LGBT Brothers and Sisters to keep them in our circle of Love that suicide is NEVER an option.
BobPFebruary 26, 2020
Tough question. I had dear friends who also had a very large family. One of the girls was involved in lesbian activities and tried the bring one of the other teen children with her. The tried very hard to love but not accept the open SIN. They removed her from the family when she was about 16.
It was painful but necessary. "Love the sinner but hate the sin"
tom glassFebruary 26, 2020
my family severed ties with my wife and i because we joined the church and we are straight so i can understand what it is to be left out and shunned.
Valerie BalmforthFebruary 26, 2020
I really appreciated this article. I’m mom to a lesbian daughter and her wife. I couldn’t figure out how to live the law while trying to love. I caused her years of pain. As I prayed to figure it all out...I realized it wasn’t mine to figure out or understand. I wanted to be like Jesus and I knew he loved them as much as he loves me. Thank you for the clarity on the word condone. I have my beautiful firstborn back❤️
DeniseFebruary 26, 2020
Meghan, as always, your insights are beautifully articulated. This will be so helpful to some I know who are dealing with the dilemma of how to treat their LGBTQ family members. Thank you so much.
BeatriceFebruary 26, 2020
Thank you for this article. I have a son who is gay. He is so loving to our family and because of his love, we have understood that he didn't choose to be gay. I have needed to understand how being gay and being a member of the Church and not being accepting of those who are LGBTQ works and now I understand. Thank you so much!
SteveFebruary 26, 2020
I understand how all that is to work, but my problem is that too many LGBTQ are out to convert everyone else to their life style. It is not enough that they are accepted by us, that we condone their life style, we have to become one of them.
MaliaFebruary 26, 2020
Amen!
Irene BlackFebruary 26, 2020
I loved your comments and totally agree as more and more of us are faced with these situations in our families. We are finding the true meaning of loving. Thanks for your insights. Your article has helped me immensely.
JulietFebruary 26, 2020
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have a gay sister who recently married. Some in our family have chosen to ostracize her and her new wife. We have chosen to love them both, while also following the gospel. I appreciate this article clarifying "condone" and that what we are supposed to do is love them and work on our own shortcomings. This is exactly how we feel...that the most important thing is that we show love!
Comments | Return to Story
MaryannMarch 5, 2020
I think we can universally agree that we should treat ALL people with kindness, compassion and love. This article is supportive of these timeless truths. However, I am concerned about the growing false doctrine I sometimes hear from other sources that love and compassion are justification for sin. They are not. President Spencer W. Kimball taught us something very interesting about how sin makes its way into our lives. He said that we first endure sin, then we pity it, then we finally embrace it. We must not allow our emotions to confuse us about the difference between right and wrong.
Dennis HorneMarch 4, 2020
Pres. Ballard's address to the BYU devotional on 3/3/2020 surely explains this matter as clearly as it can be, and the BYU honor code letter from Elder Johnson today also clarifies.
JoanMarch 2, 2020
This is in response to Jim who questions the definition of condone as stated in the article. Here is what I found in a quick Google search.. condone. - From Latin condonare, "refrain from punishing," it does not mean "approve of, endorse"; it means "let something pass without interference even though you probably disapprove," or "pardon, forgive, overlook."
FredMarch 2, 2020
You selectively quoted President Oaks, and left out an important part of his statement: “Our walk opposes recruitment away from the covenant path, and it denies support to any who lead people away from the Lord.”
Dennis HorneFebruary 27, 2020
I am not sure that redefining "condoning" is all that helpful; the definition that most people use is still the definition that most people use. I find other words like "support" and "tolerate" to also be relevant to the discussion. I have appreciated these thoughts from a former BYU religion professor: "When I was a young man, tolerance meant treating those with whom we disagreed with civility. It did not mean that we were obligated to accept their point of view. To many young people today, however, it means that we are to be nonjudgmental—holding all men and all ideas to be equal—and that it is morally wrong to say that something is morally wrong. It is not an unusual thing for people to cover willful disobedience with the blanket of God’s love and to advance the idea of a universal salvation that sounds dangerously similar to that advocated by Lucifer in the councils of heaven."
JimFebruary 27, 2020
Sister Decker, While I agree that your comments are well intentioned, I can’t help but read the comments left by your readers and feel disheartened. Especially in light of the controversy now under way at our beloved BYU. I’m not sure how long ago you penned this article but your definition of condone can not be found. No where do I see “withholding punishment”. What is first on the list as I search is “accept or allow behavior that is considered morally wrong”. Loving unconditionally and do not judge have become hot buttons that twist good and faithful members faith into condoning (yes I said it) sin. In welcoming family into our homes, the very place where the gospel is to be taught at it’s very center. The place where true doctrine and principles are taught before even attending church meetings, we must do as Lehi taught, make our way to the tree and the fruit and then never cease to beacon our loved ones to “come and partake” of eternal life. People who come into our homes should make no mistake where our faith and testimony is. AofF #4 Faith and then Repentance move us to love others towards loving the gospel of Jesus Christ. Let’s not teach the wonderful members of the true church, that loving trumps obedience or that it is not loving to be unwavering in offering gospel truth to those we love. This is the problem with too many of our LGBT family members. They want our love and acceptance with conditions. If we accept those conditions, we are condoning. Remember Lot’s wife!
Momi NelsonFebruary 26, 2020
Your article has inspired me to. Look at condoning in a different perspective. More importantly, we have a responsibolity to our LGBT Brothers and Sisters to keep them in our circle of Love that suicide is NEVER an option.
BobPFebruary 26, 2020
Tough question. I had dear friends who also had a very large family. One of the girls was involved in lesbian activities and tried the bring one of the other teen children with her. The tried very hard to love but not accept the open SIN. They removed her from the family when she was about 16. It was painful but necessary. "Love the sinner but hate the sin"
tom glassFebruary 26, 2020
my family severed ties with my wife and i because we joined the church and we are straight so i can understand what it is to be left out and shunned.
Valerie BalmforthFebruary 26, 2020
I really appreciated this article. I’m mom to a lesbian daughter and her wife. I couldn’t figure out how to live the law while trying to love. I caused her years of pain. As I prayed to figure it all out...I realized it wasn’t mine to figure out or understand. I wanted to be like Jesus and I knew he loved them as much as he loves me. Thank you for the clarity on the word condone. I have my beautiful firstborn back❤️
DeniseFebruary 26, 2020
Meghan, as always, your insights are beautifully articulated. This will be so helpful to some I know who are dealing with the dilemma of how to treat their LGBTQ family members. Thank you so much.
BeatriceFebruary 26, 2020
Thank you for this article. I have a son who is gay. He is so loving to our family and because of his love, we have understood that he didn't choose to be gay. I have needed to understand how being gay and being a member of the Church and not being accepting of those who are LGBTQ works and now I understand. Thank you so much!
SteveFebruary 26, 2020
I understand how all that is to work, but my problem is that too many LGBTQ are out to convert everyone else to their life style. It is not enough that they are accepted by us, that we condone their life style, we have to become one of them.
MaliaFebruary 26, 2020
Amen!
Irene BlackFebruary 26, 2020
I loved your comments and totally agree as more and more of us are faced with these situations in our families. We are finding the true meaning of loving. Thanks for your insights. Your article has helped me immensely.
JulietFebruary 26, 2020
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have a gay sister who recently married. Some in our family have chosen to ostracize her and her new wife. We have chosen to love them both, while also following the gospel. I appreciate this article clarifying "condone" and that what we are supposed to do is love them and work on our own shortcomings. This is exactly how we feel...that the most important thing is that we show love!
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