As a woman who spent many years in singles wards, may I offer some advice.
To the sisters: Do not make this search the center of your life. Be open to good non-LDS men. Avoid at all costs the men who repeatedly date a woman for five or more years and do not marry. They will still be single in their 60's and 70's, thinking their Victoria's Secret model is coming.
Brothers: Do not think all the women are chasing you. They are Not! Brush on on conversational topics that interest women. Your motorcycle is not one of them Neither is your ex-wife's problems.
Both: Looks and grooming and clothes do matter. Weight control matters. Having a job matters. The women are not just seeking a good priesthood holder. Both want some one they are proud of.
AngelsingsAugust 14, 2019
This article ricocheted me back to my college days in the early 1970s. I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1971 after being born & raised a good Methodist. The LDS Church & Institute by campus was different than anything I had ever experienced. My outgoing personality allowed me to easily make friends. I was happy & comfortable but began noticing some of the girls were standoffish to me. I just assumed they were shy & would warm up, eventually. Wrong ! One of them asked me why all the guys liked & asked me out. She said other girls felt that way, also. I hadn't noticed that happening but, tried to diplomatically answer. I remember telling her my philosophy was to be myself. To paraphrase she said, sure, you're a pretty blonde from Southern California so wouldn't know how I feel but how she felt saddened & concerned me. I didn't want anyone feeling threatened by me. I think college students should not be relegated into students only wards but integrated into family wards; otherwise, there is a meat market effect which is not conducive to dating or life.
Renaissance NerdAugust 14, 2019
I got married for the first time at age 47 and I rarely got a second date for all the single years. I told women I wanted to be friends if it didn’t look like marriage was in our future, that we would both benefit from that, and get to know other people as well in the process that you just don’t meet on your own, giving us a better chance at marrying somebody else. I was told often that they didn’t want to waste time. If it wasn’t going to end in marriage there was no point in dating at all, even in groups with lots of friends.
I did finally get married, going in four years now, and I can’t imagine a woman more suited to me than my wife, but it sure was a longer, harder road than it had to be. Your points are Excellent.
Comments | Return to Story
RenaeAugust 15, 2019
As a woman who spent many years in singles wards, may I offer some advice. To the sisters: Do not make this search the center of your life. Be open to good non-LDS men. Avoid at all costs the men who repeatedly date a woman for five or more years and do not marry. They will still be single in their 60's and 70's, thinking their Victoria's Secret model is coming. Brothers: Do not think all the women are chasing you. They are Not! Brush on on conversational topics that interest women. Your motorcycle is not one of them Neither is your ex-wife's problems. Both: Looks and grooming and clothes do matter. Weight control matters. Having a job matters. The women are not just seeking a good priesthood holder. Both want some one they are proud of.
AngelsingsAugust 14, 2019
This article ricocheted me back to my college days in the early 1970s. I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1971 after being born & raised a good Methodist. The LDS Church & Institute by campus was different than anything I had ever experienced. My outgoing personality allowed me to easily make friends. I was happy & comfortable but began noticing some of the girls were standoffish to me. I just assumed they were shy & would warm up, eventually. Wrong ! One of them asked me why all the guys liked & asked me out. She said other girls felt that way, also. I hadn't noticed that happening but, tried to diplomatically answer. I remember telling her my philosophy was to be myself. To paraphrase she said, sure, you're a pretty blonde from Southern California so wouldn't know how I feel but how she felt saddened & concerned me. I didn't want anyone feeling threatened by me. I think college students should not be relegated into students only wards but integrated into family wards; otherwise, there is a meat market effect which is not conducive to dating or life.
Renaissance NerdAugust 14, 2019
I got married for the first time at age 47 and I rarely got a second date for all the single years. I told women I wanted to be friends if it didn’t look like marriage was in our future, that we would both benefit from that, and get to know other people as well in the process that you just don’t meet on your own, giving us a better chance at marrying somebody else. I was told often that they didn’t want to waste time. If it wasn’t going to end in marriage there was no point in dating at all, even in groups with lots of friends. I did finally get married, going in four years now, and I can’t imagine a woman more suited to me than my wife, but it sure was a longer, harder road than it had to be. Your points are Excellent.
ADD A COMMENT