People who say "get over it" have no idea and possibly stunning ignorance, or a compassion deficit! Forgiveness and survival take time. It's a process. But I've heard that line many times, even when my son died - by suicide - and I found his body - - "get over it" is not a helpful admonition! Some things hurt forever and you just decide to absorb it and live on. Infidelity is one of those, in my humble opinion.
MikkoNovember 29, 2017
Wow this is very helpful. I am going through this with my wife. She had the affair.To say to get over it is very hard. I am trying so hard to forgive. The flashbacks keep coming and I feel my body going into protection mode. If it takes 3 years for this to go away, it is going to be a tough 3 years. In my case it has destroyed my heart, my self worth, my security and my trust. It affects a man the same way, if his wife has the affair. I want to forgive and feel I have, then the flashback happens and it starts all over again. By the way we have been married 25 years and it was her anniversary present to me (the affair)
DRANovember 28, 2017
It is not just men who cheat. My wife cheated on me, over 16 years ago and yet each day I wonder when I go home if this is the day... She still compares me to other men and wants me to be more like them and not myself. I am me. It is difficult/hard to accept. Yes, we are still together.
Mikhail KalashnikovNovember 28, 2017
John Browning. If that is really your name. Your comment really sucks. Who are you to tell her to look inside to see what she lacks? We ALL lack, and that’s no excuse for someone to go cheat. None whatsoever.
It’s only been a year for this woman to try and heal. It takes at least 3+ years to try and get out of that mindset she’s experiencing. It’s not that she wants to hold it over his head. Her brain forces her to. So for John to come on here and say “get over it” is asinine.
As for this woman, hang in there. It really will heal with time. No, you don’t lack anything. And if your husband wants you to heal he will show it and try to regain trust.
God bless.
Becky RyanNovember 28, 2017
Infidelity is as close to murder as you can get. It destroys a woman's heart, her self worth, her security, and her trust. There is probably nothing that a husband can do that is more damaging. Having gone through it with my husband and riding the whole forgiveness train, I found that the damage done to me and my children is beyond description.
John BrowningNovember 27, 2017
Get over it if you want to have a happy life.
It sounds like you want to be told that you can use this as a club to beat your husband with for life. Try this and he has every reason to walk out.
Take a look at what you lacked that he wanted.
No one wants to live with someone who always drag up the past to try and proive how good they are
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LeahNovember 30, 2017
People who say "get over it" have no idea and possibly stunning ignorance, or a compassion deficit! Forgiveness and survival take time. It's a process. But I've heard that line many times, even when my son died - by suicide - and I found his body - - "get over it" is not a helpful admonition! Some things hurt forever and you just decide to absorb it and live on. Infidelity is one of those, in my humble opinion.
MikkoNovember 29, 2017
Wow this is very helpful. I am going through this with my wife. She had the affair.To say to get over it is very hard. I am trying so hard to forgive. The flashbacks keep coming and I feel my body going into protection mode. If it takes 3 years for this to go away, it is going to be a tough 3 years. In my case it has destroyed my heart, my self worth, my security and my trust. It affects a man the same way, if his wife has the affair. I want to forgive and feel I have, then the flashback happens and it starts all over again. By the way we have been married 25 years and it was her anniversary present to me (the affair)
DRANovember 28, 2017
It is not just men who cheat. My wife cheated on me, over 16 years ago and yet each day I wonder when I go home if this is the day... She still compares me to other men and wants me to be more like them and not myself. I am me. It is difficult/hard to accept. Yes, we are still together.
Mikhail KalashnikovNovember 28, 2017
John Browning. If that is really your name. Your comment really sucks. Who are you to tell her to look inside to see what she lacks? We ALL lack, and that’s no excuse for someone to go cheat. None whatsoever. It’s only been a year for this woman to try and heal. It takes at least 3+ years to try and get out of that mindset she’s experiencing. It’s not that she wants to hold it over his head. Her brain forces her to. So for John to come on here and say “get over it” is asinine. As for this woman, hang in there. It really will heal with time. No, you don’t lack anything. And if your husband wants you to heal he will show it and try to regain trust. God bless.
Becky RyanNovember 28, 2017
Infidelity is as close to murder as you can get. It destroys a woman's heart, her self worth, her security, and her trust. There is probably nothing that a husband can do that is more damaging. Having gone through it with my husband and riding the whole forgiveness train, I found that the damage done to me and my children is beyond description.
John BrowningNovember 27, 2017
Get over it if you want to have a happy life. It sounds like you want to be told that you can use this as a club to beat your husband with for life. Try this and he has every reason to walk out. Take a look at what you lacked that he wanted. No one wants to live with someone who always drag up the past to try and proive how good they are
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