If he’s anything like me( me and most men) he’s compartmentalizing. His time with the kids, he’s in dad mode you don’t exist. When he’s with you, he’s in husband mode, believe it or not, the kids kinda don’t exist In those moments. (This is also HOW men are able to cheat) Men take in a lot, but we drop wats unnecessary to tend to the necessary that’s just how we are wired. If we tried to combine all task, we’d NEVR get anything accomplished. See women would rush to blend the two ASAP( like you’re actively doing) not realizing it’s NOT ABOUT YOU (again wat you’re doing) and it would all crash and burn. This is why step-families have hatred because some idiot didn’t consider the clashes of combing total strangers into one household.
CassaMarch 22, 2018
Children are important without a doubt, but they need to be taught respect. When someone walks into a room, acknowledge them. When you make plans, discuss it as a family. Spending time alone with the children is fine. Being disrespectful is not.
dbakerFebruary 5, 2017
ABSOLUTELY ditto the prior two comments. Gender nonspecific; it doesn't matter whether it's wife's kids (if she didn't have custody) or husband: Kids grow up with less insecurity and resentment if the natural parent can really give them enough true attention. I give meaning to the oath about sacrificing life to be sacrificing your own desires for time for the better good of these precious souls. I almost wrote in selfish, but that would have gotten some offense. I've seen things go both ways, and I cannot tell you how important this is to a good outcome. But then - when it's the spouses time... give all you can. This matter just isn't easy.
Nurturing by mother is obvious. But I've observed so much how import a father is to a daughter throughout life, and am now learning the same about son as my own son is older and needs me to emotionally be there for him.
CarolaFebruary 3, 2017
Are you serious? You're jealous of a few days a month with children? That's hard to believe. You are an adult and get most of your life with him. The children have had their world shaken, and the now the still have to compete for small amount of time with their Dad.
The deserve to have you encourage and support every second of time with him, whether that means to be there or not. It goes by what they need. They will be grateful and you won't regret after they're grown and have a great relationship with you because you understood. Your husband will be grateful too.
abbie vianesFebruary 3, 2017
I will say stress what Geoff said - children in a blended family situation need time alone with the biological parent. There needs to be a balance between including the step parent and doing things as a family and time for the children to be with the father. The couple should schedule both.
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JacobJuly 1, 2019
If he’s anything like me( me and most men) he’s compartmentalizing. His time with the kids, he’s in dad mode you don’t exist. When he’s with you, he’s in husband mode, believe it or not, the kids kinda don’t exist In those moments. (This is also HOW men are able to cheat) Men take in a lot, but we drop wats unnecessary to tend to the necessary that’s just how we are wired. If we tried to combine all task, we’d NEVR get anything accomplished. See women would rush to blend the two ASAP( like you’re actively doing) not realizing it’s NOT ABOUT YOU (again wat you’re doing) and it would all crash and burn. This is why step-families have hatred because some idiot didn’t consider the clashes of combing total strangers into one household.
CassaMarch 22, 2018
Children are important without a doubt, but they need to be taught respect. When someone walks into a room, acknowledge them. When you make plans, discuss it as a family. Spending time alone with the children is fine. Being disrespectful is not.
dbakerFebruary 5, 2017
ABSOLUTELY ditto the prior two comments. Gender nonspecific; it doesn't matter whether it's wife's kids (if she didn't have custody) or husband: Kids grow up with less insecurity and resentment if the natural parent can really give them enough true attention. I give meaning to the oath about sacrificing life to be sacrificing your own desires for time for the better good of these precious souls. I almost wrote in selfish, but that would have gotten some offense. I've seen things go both ways, and I cannot tell you how important this is to a good outcome. But then - when it's the spouses time... give all you can. This matter just isn't easy. Nurturing by mother is obvious. But I've observed so much how import a father is to a daughter throughout life, and am now learning the same about son as my own son is older and needs me to emotionally be there for him.
CarolaFebruary 3, 2017
Are you serious? You're jealous of a few days a month with children? That's hard to believe. You are an adult and get most of your life with him. The children have had their world shaken, and the now the still have to compete for small amount of time with their Dad. The deserve to have you encourage and support every second of time with him, whether that means to be there or not. It goes by what they need. They will be grateful and you won't regret after they're grown and have a great relationship with you because you understood. Your husband will be grateful too.
abbie vianesFebruary 3, 2017
I will say stress what Geoff said - children in a blended family situation need time alone with the biological parent. There needs to be a balance between including the step parent and doing things as a family and time for the children to be with the father. The couple should schedule both.
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