There are some things that a spouse may feel, but absolutely should not say...such as “Wow, you are sure getting fat.” I would never want to say something that hurts my spouse, even if there was truth to it. When I was younger, I said unkind things that were true, but often did so because I was upset. There came a point where I didn’t have it in me to fight anymore...and I started just being respectful and more agreeable. That escalated to where we both have become kinder to each other. We enjoy every day together, and we both feel loved. We must obey the Savior when he says, “Cease to find fault.” I do not even allow myself to THINK a negative thought about my spouse. I concentrate on his many positive traits, and we both are blessed.
Our experience is that when one person keeps has feelings that don't get expressed, the other person can sense it, and could possibly interpret it negatively: He's not talking..is he mad? Did I do something wrong? Doesn't she think I can handle what she's going to say?
The theme of this article doesn't seem to agree with the revered research by John Gottman. See his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
So very good. I see that this is so important in marriage. Our problems in communicating are destroying our 52 year marriage. Through the years I have been grateful for all you have taught, thank you.
Let us now how you relate to this myth and whether it has affected your marriage....
Richard and Linda Eyre
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