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[This column was meant to run in November of 2015. It fell through the cracks. (There were lots of cracks on the Mormon Trail. In some locations, you can still see them.) Itâs thoroughly safe to publish now, all taint of âpromotionâ rendered irrelevant by the calendar.]
A guy on NPR yesterday said you canât multi-task, that you can only focus on one thing at a time. This column, written quite literally backstage at the SCERA Theatre (for directions, consult SIRI, who is a distant cousin of SCERA) where weâre in technical rehearsals for The Trail of Dreams, which opens this Friday, November 11, and runs for one week (which means that if you live even a light-week away, thereâs still time, at warp factor 1, to get here before the show closesâconsult the Star Trek Handbook, page 556. But call first), will refute that NPR guy utterly. [Note what appears to be an attempt to sell tickets to extraterrestrials in the second parenthetical departure. See what I mean?]
There are dreams all around us, like clouds in the air.
We go walking right through them, unchanged, unaware.
But if once you are touched by a dream that you love,
Though the universe shakes you, nothing ever quite wakes you
From yourâŠ
(all lyrics in the column were written by Steven Kapp Perry. Editors, Iâm not counting lyrics in my 1500-word limit.)
At technical rehearsals, the sound designer gets everybody wired up with a body mic,
Director James Arrington, at the behest of the lighting designer: Marvin, can you make that initial entrance once again?
which is ostensibly to allow the audience to hear the play better,
Hold!
Marvin, can you make that initial entrance once again?
but is actually for the sound designer to get to listen in on actor gossip occurring backstage.
Marvin, can you make that initial entrance once again?
Sometimes the audience is allowed into this intimate circle as well, like when an actor realizes that heâs missed an entrance.
âWhat did they ask of their captain?â
âTo get them to the valley âŠand to preserve their lives.â
âHow many lives, John Brown?â
âThere were seventy thousandâŠâÂ
In this awkward moment said actorâs mic is, of course, up full blast for the whole house to hear, because according the script in the sound guyâs hands, the actor is onstage and acting.
âTo Mr. Brigham Young, from Thomas Ford, Governor of IllinoisâŠâ (Our actor playing the governor of Illinois, who is a newcomer to LDS history, cycles through Ohio, New York, New Jersey, and several times New Orleans before he settles on saying âIllinois.â But we love him.) âWhy are the Mormons still in Nauvoo?â (He gets âNauvooâ right every time.)
What the whole house hears, of course, is expletives. Sometimes they are BYU-Young-Ambassador-Working-a-Summer-Job expletives.
Hold!
Too much room for Bodil (young Danish child played by the columnistâs daughter)!! Derek, move her over six inches stage right! John Fifield over just a little more⊠Body size is very weird, you guys.
Sometimes they are Special-Guest-New-York-Equity-Actors-at-Sundance expletives. Oddly, and contrary to what one might hope would be the case, they are the same expletives.
Jillian, you can wear those paisley stretch pants, but only under your costume!
Also, during the technical rehearsals, the lighting designer will see how his designs work on real people,
Dianna, when you pull the veil from John Brownâs eyes, can you make it bigger for the sake of the spotlight operator? Like this, like pushing a shower curtain aside.
like whether or not certain actors reflect certain wavelengths in a dangerous manner.
So Marvin, whatâs that expression all about? We havenât seen that before.
Marvin: That was my âreaction to a shower curtain being unexpectedly pushed asideâ expressionâhow would you feel?
When the designer has determined itâs safe, a particular light cue is programmed into the computer. The two rehearsals devoted to this process will be sufficient for this run, which you may recall is 11 November through 21 November. [Ă Note the subtle promotional suggestion that would have been so inappropriate when this was supposed to have been published on 11 November. Opening night! Of both the column and the show!]
Marvin, why are you lugging that computer around up there?
Iâm writing a column for Meridian Magazine.
Must you?
Itâs to promote the show.
Well, can you dim the monitor some?
Must I?
Youâre reflecting its wavelength in a dangerous manner.
The last time we did this, 18 years ago, our designer, Rod Elwood, would have needed the length of this run (11 November through 21 November) to finish programming the light board, [You noticed, I presume.]
âWho is that woman? That fine, lovely woman!â
âWoman?â
âYes, that handsomeâŠâ
Hold!
because he created 163 light-change cues.
(whispered in the dark by the columnistâs daughter) Dad, have you heard about the ghost Eleanor? She fell down the spiral stairs into the boiler room under the theatre and called and called for help, but no one could hear her.
(hissed to the columnistâs daughter) Arenât you supposed to be onstage now?
(shouted) Hey, could we get some light into the wings on stage left? The little girls are freaking out!
No Dad, itâs real.
This may have been because we had a particularly complex and dangerous set of reflective tendencies among that earlier castâRod never explained why it took him so long.
So what do you bring with you if you stop at McDonalds on your way to the theatre?
I give, what?
MacBreath!
Wait, is it okay to say that here?
There were four separate runs that year, and the opening night audience for each run was detained in the lobby while the Rod finished up.
I love the padding on this set! Itâs totally silent!
⊠Bet you could hear Eleanor if you listened.
Pretty good lighting, though.
âBrother BrownâŠâ
âSister Nielsen?â
âWhat is âoxâ?â
âItâs a bull that⊠uhâŠ
(awkward silence, suspenseful anticipation from Sister Nielsen, who doesnât know English too good)
âŠisnâtâanymore. Theyâre still strong, but they donât fight
âŠas much.â
The designer for this run is terrific.
(sung) âThereâs nothing dumber than such an ox,â
I mean, for the run that opens 11 November and closes 21 November, the one you can get tickets for at SCERA.org (not SIRI.orgâanyway, I think SIRIâs a .com). [Ă]
ââŠexcept the bloke who goes beside him when he walks!â
No mics tonight, after all.
âI expect there are angels in every tree among this people.â
âIâve never seen one.â
âKeep looking!â
âI do. I do! Some of my brethren have, you knowâprobably more than have told me.â
âDo tell.â
âWell, once Nathan Stakerâs child was ill, near death. So he knelt by a log in the woods. An angel cameâshining! His hands were transparent. Brother Staker still weeps whenever heâŠâ
BAM!
âWhat happened?â
âLittle Johnny Cook! Pistol shot!â
âWho shot him?â
Hold!
Columnist: Question? Will that âbamâ be a sound effect, or will somebody offstage fire the navy colt?
Director: Sound effect, I donât want anybody but you handling the gun.Â
I wouldnât really much care if mics didnât appear until after the run, which you may recall reading somewhere begins on 11 November and ends, abruptly, on 21 November. [Enough, already.]
Hold!
Marvin, a step stage right. At letter âIâ just right of Center. William Clayton, you step too. Letâs get some distance before the fistfight. (Didnât know about the William Clayton fistfight, did ya?)
This is because when we arrived here at the theatre a couple of days ago, after several weeks of rehearsal at UVU, I looked out at the 400-seat space and felt the rush, the challenge of filling it with sound and energy.
Now over to the letter âJ.â
Is this alphabetical?
The âJâ between the two âIâs.â
Got it.
It expanded me.
Pioneer: Hey Marvin, this cast card says we can get free drinks in the cups they give us, but they didnât give us cups. Do you know about that?
Thatâs totally managementâIâm labor. Ask the stage manager. But tell me what she says. Is there Dr. Pepper? Not diet?
My character grew instantly, just with the reality of a single actor facing a very large, silent, listening space.
Hold! Put that block at âY.â
âYâ?
Because Iâm the director, and I said so.
Iâm worried that the mic will take that exhilaration away,
Just once more, Marvin.
that it will take the Nebraska vastness away,
Hold!
Can we get some help for Marvin? I think heâs trying to multi-task again.
that with a mic Iâll feel technologically tethered to the 21st Century,Â
Is Marvin in the building?Â
that Iâll miss the heady hazard of getting lost in the storyâŠÂ
Thatâs it! Tech for Act III tomorrow, you guys! Good night! Somebody tell Marvin!
Â
Barry HansenOctober 12, 2016
Hilarious, as usual, Marvin!