Twins!! Triplets!!! Multiple births have been fairly common in our family. The first children born to Hank and me on January 18, 1958 were twin baby girls. They arrived nine weeks premature. Janet, the first baby born, weighed 2.3 pounds and Jean, the second little girl, weighed 3.11 pounds.
Janet developed complications and lived only six days before passing away. She weighed one pound and was buried in a little white doll dress, helping her look like the angel that she was. We held a short, but very sweet and tender funeral for her with family members and a few close friends. (I might add that my mother, who was currently serving on the Primary General Board, told us that a nine-year-old girl with a pure, clear voice had just sung a beautiful, recently composed song at the Primary General Conference in the Tabernacle. Mother felt it would be a perfect song for a baby’s funeral. At our request, Mother arranged for the young girl to sing it at our service. The song touched our hearts deeply. Little did we know then that “I Am a Child of God” would come to be one of the most beloved and widely sung of all Latter-day Saint hymns.)
Jean, the other baby, spent two months growing and gaining strength in the neonatal unit at the hospital before she was finally ready to come home to us. She was blessed with health and strength and grew up to become a mother of seven children, including a set of triplets. Now, nineteen years old, these triplets are wonderful young adults. Abigail and Aliza are college students and Andrew is serving in the Dominican Republic Santo Domingo East Mission.
At the time of the triplets’ birth in 1992, my husband, Hank and I were on a mission in The Netherlands where he was serving as mission president. My sister quipped, “I would have left the country, too, if my daughter were having triplets.”
Fortunately there were many others eager to help during those wild, but wonderful first months when feeding and diapering three babies was an around-the-clock experience. A letter from the babies’ father, my son-in-law, comforted me. He wrote, “I know, Mom, that you’re concerned about not being here to help, but you would be just another pair of hands. We feel you have been of greater service where you are—we believe it is because of your mission that Jean was able to carry the babies to the 34th week and that she is doing well and the babies were born healthy and are off to such a good start in life.”
Now, a generation later, we have been blessed with two sets of twin great grandsons. They don’t live close to us, so we rely on SKYPE, blogs, and a few cross country visits to help us enjoy them.
Twins can be a handful and a heart full. They can also be a “foot full,” as is evident by seeing our granddaughter, Melissa, feeding ten month old Andrew and Isaac at our house and holding them in booster chairs with her feet.
Lauren, mother of two-year-old Quentin and Jackson, reports that the babies have outgrown the constant care stage, and now she appreciates opportunities to teach them to share and play happily together. They love to attend nursery at church and sing the songs they have learned at home during the week.
In our family we’ve rejoiced over the twins and triplets who have been sent to us. They have doubled and tripled our fun and joy. We would be thrilled to have more multiples come our way.
Following are some helpful tips from these three amazing mothers, Jean, Melissa, and Lauren. They’ve also listed books they recommend that offer valuable advice for healthy, happy babies as well as healthy, happy mothers (fathers, too).
(Note these suggestions are applicable to raising twins and triplets, but for simplification they are written in the context of twins. –Daryl)
Don’t worry, you can do it!
Ask for help. You can’t do it alone, and you don’t have to. People love to help others, especially when cute babies are involved. Consider engaging helpers, such as young girls to serve as nannies after school, so you can run errands or prepare dinner.
Arrange, if possible, to have your family and friends bring you meals throughout the first few weeks. You can also freeze meals in advance.
Make sure you eat, sleep, and get dressed in addition to caring for the babies. Don’t add other things to your to do list in the beginning. You are in survival mode.
Purchase a good double stroller. It is the only way you will be able to get out with the babies. It’s okay to be thrifty with other baby gear, but a good double stroller is imperative! You don’t need two of everything. For example, see if you can buy one swing and borrow another.
Find a “Mothers of Multiples” group in your area. Even if you decide not to join the club, they often have consignment sales where you can buy used multiples’ clothing and other items.
Do your best to sleep when the babies sleep.
Put the babies on the same sleeping and eating schedule, and try not to stress too much when despite all of your efforts it is hard to consistently keep them on the same schedule. Just try again; the schedule will eventually work out more times than not.
Stick to a routine. It doesn’t have to be overly strict or rigid, just something fluid you can count on every day so that you and your babies know what to expect. It will help to keep you sane and the children happy because they are comfortable with the process.
Have routines, not just for the day, but for specific events as well. For example, establish a bath time routine, a leaving the house routine, a grocery shopping routine, and so forth. At first it will seem like a big production just to do something simple like load the babies into the car. Your mind will be calculating a mile a minute as you figure out how to go about each step. But before you know it, these routines will become second nature and your hands will go through the motions on their own. Consistency invites cooperation from children.
Remember, crying is okay! Babies cry and yours will, too. It’s all right to let one baby cry for a few minutes while you tend to the other. Don’t let it get to you. If you panic, the babies will respond likewise and become even more upset. It doesn’t mean you are a bad mother. Just stay calm. The babies will know how much you love them and it’s good for them to learn to wait and to take turns.
Do take time every day to give each one individual attention. Much of their care can be given to them simultaneously (for example, feed both of them their solid food or bathe them at the same time), but it’s vital that they also have one-on-one time with just you.
Don’t always buy two of every toy. It’s probably easiest to have two of the favorite toys, but it’s also important to have a few things they need to share. Learning to take turns is hard for them to do, but the sooner they start figuring it out the better.
Seek out other women raising twins. They are your best resource for advice.
Baby-proof your house. Store cleaning supplies out of reach, cover electrical outlets, section off part of the house with gates, bolt heavy pieces of furniture to the floor or wall so they can’t tip over and fall on the children, keep bathroom doors shut.
Puree or process family food in a blender. Freeze in ice cube trays to be warmed for children’s meals later.
Set up a “car seat theater.” (This one is from Jean with regard to her triplets) After they outgrew naps, we established a “quiet time” for an hour or so each day. We lined up their car seats in front of a sofa in the family room and had them sit in them while they watched “Winnie the Pooh” or similar child-appropriate videos. This was a delightful activity for them and a life-saver for me.
Enjoy every moment! They grow so fast.
Remember in the early months: this too shall pass. You will sleep again. You will not nurse/feed babies forever. Life really does get easier. As you look back, you will see that things got easier about every four months.
Don’t believe it when you are told that you won’t be able to leave the house for the first few months. Ignore such a comment. Even if it’s a challenge to do so, it’s important for you and the babies to get outside for even a short time each day. Start small. At first just put the babies in a stroller and take a walk down the street. When you feel comfortable, expand your walk through the neighborhood. Eventually load the babies in the car and drive to the gas station or run an errand. (Of course, never leave your babies alone in the car, not even for a minute.) Over time your world will slowly start to expand and you’ll discover it’s not as impossible to go places as you once thought.
Stay positive. Choose to laugh.
If you are currently pregnant with multiples, be prepared that a stay in the NICU may be necessary after birth. This can be an emotionally draining time for the mother. But don’t be afraid; it can also be a wonderful experience. You will never meet more caring doctors and nurses. They will help you make the transition into motherhood with multiples a little easier.
Think ahead about celebrating birthdays and other special occasions. For example, determine if you’ll sing happy birthday twice and have two cakes.
Do not listen to the negative things people have to say about having multiples. It is truly a blessing to raise multiples and they bring joy that is multiplied.
Note compensating situations. It’s efficient to have multiples. For example, you can drop three children off at kindergarten.
Encourage them in their individual strengths and interests. Identify abilities and talents and gifts whereby each one can shine.
Enjoy the things that only you get to experience as a parent of multiples–two smiles, babies holding hands, babies laughing together and playing together. With your encouragement, your children will develop a beautiful relationship as they grow up. It will bring them and you joy as this friendship develops.
Books about raising multiples:
Ready or Not… Here We Come! The Real Experts’ Cannot-Live-Without Guide to the First Year with Twins by Elizabeth Lyons-This book is filled with advice on how to prepare for and survive the first year with twins. I like it because it is honest about the difficulties that will be faced, but it is also positive and funny. It helped calm some of my fears before the babies were born and has kept me laughing during the months since.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins: A Step-by-Step Program for Sleep-Training Your Multiples by Marc Weissbluth M.D-He also wrote another book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child-It goes into more detail about sleep-training issues, but only has a small section on multiples. Both Books are useful.
These next three books were not about multiples specifically, but they have some helpful tips regarding sleep.
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam-I referred to it almost daily during the first several months after my twins were born. (Both mothers of the twins recommended this book.)
The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp-This book promotes swaddling babies tightly before they go to sleep. This technique was a huge help in getting our boys to sleep.
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau-This is my favorite book by far. Her “E-A-S-Y” method was a lifesaver for me and made all the difference with twins.
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Daryl Hoole, mother of eight, has been a best-selling author and popular lecturer on home management and family living. Now retired, she enjoys free lance writing. She is answering questions from readers who contact her at [email protected]. Her “At Home” column appears on the second Monday of each month on Meridian. This information is also available on her personal website at www.theartofhomemaking.com
