“When is a mess a mess?” was the topic of a lively discussion among a group of women as we talked about order vs. disorder in our homes. It became clear through our conversation that what is a mess to one is not a mess to another. In other words, what constitutes a mess? Are all messes created equal or are there “bad” messes and “good” messes? Are some messes excusable? Are some messes actually necessary?
We concluded that all messes are not created equal. And, yes, there are “bad” messes and “good” messes.
Some messes—the bad kind—are usually the result of carelessness, negligence, slothfulness, and poor habits. These are destructive lifestyle patterns and if they persist can result in dysfunctional family living.
Other messes—the good kind—are caused by food preparation and eating, children at play, projects of various types underway, home maintenance and repairs in progress, and the usual doings of daily living. Such messes are a sign of progress, rather than neglect, and are a vital part of normal family living. Nevertheless, even a good mess needs to be attended to and cleaned up at the end of the activity that caused it.
Here are some slogans that can be helpful in reminding family members to be more diligent in keeping order: “Don’t put it down, put it away;” “Have a place for everything and keep everything in its place;” “Put the house to bed before you go to bed;” “Pick up is part of play;” “Pick up as you pass;” “Leave any area better than you found it;” “Don’t put 25 pounds of stuff in a 5 pound room;” “Clutter attracts more clutter—dejunk.”
The attributes of orderliness and organization, wisely applied in the home, are not the end in and of themselves but are a means to a greater end, and that end is a happy family and a smoothly-running household. Furthermore, the Spirit is more likely to dwell in your home when it is neat and clean. We read in D&C 90:18, “Set in order your houses; keep slothfulness and uncleanness far from you.”
My poet friend, Phyllis White provides a succinct summary in verse of the benefits of striving for only “good” messes in your home:
Your Family Song
If the walls of your house could sing a song
That describes the feel of your home,
Would the lyrics tell tales of chaos and stress,
Or is harmony setting the tone?
Each family writes their own symphony,
Each member contributes his part,
Each movement creates the ambiance
That touches each tender heart.
Where discord and bedlam’s the family norm
Their song will be quite out of tune,
And the children will sense the turbulence
As the Spirit withdraws from the room.
But where order and comfort are balanced,
The melody’s happy and sweet.
Children will learn with their minds and their hearts
And feel loved and secure and complete.
–Phyllis White
