We have a revealing new topic today that is extremely timely for the month of May, but first we have some last letters on the topic of the Same Ten People phenomenon that is prevalent in many wards.  Here are these last letters:

I know you said you didn’t want any more letters on this subject, but I just have to have my say.

I have lived for many years in the best ward in the Church.  Yes, I am sure there are others who think the same about their wards, but I am right.

The STP concept is unknown in my ward.  People are called to serve in a variety of positions they have never even thought of serving in before. Our current, extremely excellent Relief Society president, had always been in a music calling prior to this leadership call (and she still serves as one of the ward organists). For counselors, she has a young mother and a single sister in her late thirties, maybe early forties (I don’t ask ages).  I don’t think either of them has served in leadership positions before. 

Yes, some people are released from a calling and immediately put into another calling, but others are allowed to rest for a time. We seem to always be getting new gospel doctrine teachers as people move out of the ward and new people move in. I think that is great. We just got a new choir director and she has never done it before, but so far, she seems like she will do just fine.

I personally have served as gospel doctrine teacher, youth Sunday School teacher, Relief Society teacher, MIA teacher (yes, that was a long time ago), MIA presidency, choir director, ward organist, Sunday School chorister (that’s also in the old days), Relief Society pianist, Relief Society chorister, homemaking committee, ward drama director (do they even have those anymore?), and probably others I can’t even remember. In other wards and stakes I have also served in a wide variety of callings, primarily in music, drama, and teaching. So maybe I have been lucky to never have lived in an STP ward. Currently I have no calling except as a visiting teacher, but I doubt the Lord will let me rest on my laurels too long.

When my family joined the Church more than 60 years ago, we lived in a very, very tiny branch and we all had to serve in as many positions as possible. I was a branch pianist at a very young age and taught Primary when I was in high school. When you live out in the mission field, you learn to serve any way you can, which is good training.  

I have never aspired to be Relief Society president (I don’t think it would be a good calling for me, although I would accept if a bishop received the inspiration to so call me) or to be in any other particular calling, although I enjoy teaching, so would not object to another teaching call. I have never refused a calling. I have always thought that we are called by inspiration so should accept whatever the Lord wants us to do at any given time. I do not understand why any church member would say no to the Lord.

I am a senior citizen on a small fixed income, but when asked to provide something for a funeral lunch or other event, or provide a meal for a ward member, I always am willing to do so and always sign up to participate in assignments at Welfare Square. We are a service-oriented church.  That is what we are here for, isn’t it?  To serve?  And to serve wherever we are needed, not just in particular positions that some think are somehow more “important.”

Always Willing to Serve

Your last paragraph was so important, Always.  We are put on earth to learn, and one of the most important ways we learn is through service.  Service isn’t always easy or convenient or even prestigious, but little things that are unnoticed by the rest of the world can be very important to the person receiving the service.

Our family’s experience, especially when girls were being called to preside over their Young Women classes, was that the bishops would pass over girls who seemed to already have strong leadership traits and call a girl whom they felt needed the experience.  Almost without exception, the girl would call one of my daughters and another girl who was willing to work as her counselors.  Unfortunately, the class advisor didn’t make the effort to train/support her president, who would very often pass on her assignments by default (the president just wouldn’t show up) to one of her counselors, and they ended up acting as the president because the real president wasn’t committed to her calling or particularly concerned about actually functioning.

This also happened to my husband in two situations — when he was first counselor to a stake president and later to a mission president.  My observation was that in both cases, he worked hard to keep some stability in the unit, protect the presiding officer’s reputation, and basically make the president look good.  It didn’t bother him to do that, but when we were on our way home from a mission in another country where leadership isn’t all that strong, I suggested that he think very carefully about accepting a calling to be counselor to a priesthood leader again.   I also told him that his most significant contribution to the leaders who were native to that country was telling them to give accurate and appropriate counsel rather than just accepting whatever a president said when it clearly wasn’t well thought out.

Church activity is very interesting, and as the replies to this topic have shown can vary according to people’s personalities and their personal experience. 

Gail Wasden
Petaluma, California

Gail, I’m sure most of us have seen situations where people are called and don’t do their callings, forcing others to take up the slack.  It reminds me of something a wise man once told me:  “The mantle always falls, but it’s the responsibility of the person accepting the calling to catch it.”  That’s the LDS equivalent of the old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”  It’s our responsibility to give the horse the opportunity to drink the life-giving water, but it’s his responsibility to take that opportunity and to drink. 

It looks like you’ve received plenty of comments on your STP question.  If you’re not too overwhelmed, here are a couple of more thoughts.

I’m in my mid-50s, and I have served in leadership positions in the Church most of my adult life.  I’ve never heard the term STP in the Church, but I have noticed the trend at times.  Perhaps it is less prevalent on the West Coast where I live than in other places.  I’ve noticed two schools of thought among our leadership.  Often a bishop’s choice in extending a calling will focus on whether to benefit the “one” or the “many” in his ward.

The gospel and the Church encourage each of us to personally stretch, learn and expand our talents.  As a leader prays for guidance about member and a calling, the leader may focus on the “one” and what will be of benefit to him in his personal growth.


 

  Will he be challenged and rise to the occasion?  Does the member’s work and family schedule permit a time-intensive calling?  Does his spouse have a demanding calling? 

 

 

Bishops and other leaders also need to provide for the flock as a whole and look after the “many.”  Although no one in the Church is indispensible, some people do have unique talents that trend towards leadership roles, or they have the time to devote 10-30 hours a week towards a calling, or they are stable homeowners in a more transient community and can provide some continuity in a calling.  (One nearby local ward surrounds a community college and is filled with apartment dwellers that relocate every nine months).  A wise and inspired bishop will take all of these things into account as he seeks to fill callings in the ward.

In focusing on the “one,” a bishop I know consistently called an inactive member to be his counselor in the bishopric during his tenure.  Each of these men rose to the occasion and served wonderfully in the bishopric.  Each experienced a mighty change of heart, and remained faithfully active thereafter.

But sometimes our leaders feel they need to look after “many” in their flock.  This same bishop called a brother to be the Young Men President, where the brother remained for the full six years of the bishop’s administration.  The bishop commented several times over the years that he couldn’t afford to take a chance with his youth during their critical teenage years.  He wanted the skills and continuity that this YM president brought to the table.  We witnessed the bishop’s wisdom in this decision.  Every young man in the ward, with only one exception, went on to serve missions and were married in the temple.

Ultimately, I don’t believe the Lord cares too much about where we serve, but rather how we serve. 

Meekster

What a great letter, Meekster!  And what a wise bishop you had — to minister to the one when the one needed it, and to the whole when the whole were more important.

I was intrigued by what you said about the bishop calling counselors who were inactive.  This week I received a letter from an old friend in the ward where Clark and I lived for eleven years after we were married.  He was barely active when he was called to be a bishopric counselor, and it changed his life.  But I’ll let him tell you his story:

I enjoyed your letters on church callings.  As you may recall, Bishop Eugene Hansen took a real chance on calling me as a counselor in his bishopric.  My attendance was spotty, I hadn’t served a mission, I wasn’t endowed, and I never held a leadership position.  But he felt impressed to have the call issued to me.  Francis Gibbons, secretary to the First Presidency and our stake president, met with me and Karyn.  He said he basically never had anyone with my background called to serve in a bishopric.  Bishop Hansen must have prayed to fill the position with someone who could benefit from it.

Because of that experience, I have had 20+ years of experience in church administration.  I have served in three bishoprics as a counselor, as a bishop twice, on two high councils, and as a stake mission president.  Throughout my tenure as bishop (first in a singles student ward at the University of Utah, and then as bishop of my resident ward), I always looked for individuals who could benefit most from the calling, as I did.   The resulting calls and growth that took place in members was amazing.

Another bishop in our stake changed counselors halfway through his tenure in order to give more members a chance to serve in a bishopric, and to allow the outgoing counselors to return to their families.

Conversely, I was dismayed when I learned that a new bishop in the area, called two former bishops as his counselors.  What a terrible message to send to the members of that ward — that there are only a few elect members who can have major callings.

Ray Haeckel

Thanks for writing, Ray.  It was great to connect again.  From the way you served in that bishopric, nobody would have known you were barely active when you were called to serve.  Your example can serve as an inspiration to us all.

I wanted to just pass along a comment, but it is a little bit too long for the comments section at the end of the article.  I appreciate what you have written.  I apologize if I’m adding to a huge overload in the email inbox, but hope I can give a little different perspective.

I am writing from the mission field (10,000 miles away from my home), where my husband and I are responsible for six member districts, spreading across 1,000 miles, consisting of 25 branches and 82 young missionaries.  I was told that part of my responsibility would be to help teach district and branch auxiliary leaders (all first-generation members) how to understand and carry out their callings.  And what was my preparation for this calling and responsibility?  Auxiliary teacher (for many years), family history center director and consultant, and temple ordinance worker.  I had never even served as a counselor in any church auxiliary organization.  However, over the years, I have held many leadership roles in community and professional nursing organizations. 

The Lord gives us training and experience and preparation for what He expects of us, in many different ways. 

I remember being worried about training Young Women leaders, especially, when we arrived here almost two years ago.  I had never taught in the Young Women organization.  I had some exposure raising my two girls through YW.  But when I studied the handbook, Personal Progress and other materials, I remembered my 12 years serving as a Girl Scout troop leader.  I was able to apply much of what I learned from that experience in understanding how to teach the Young Women leaders. 

If a sister feels under-utilized or under appreciated, then perhaps she should look into the community around her and volunteer and serve in some way that utilizes her special talents.  There are many opportunities for service and leadership everywhere.  Schools are especially in need!

Warmest regards from the Equator,

Laraine

What a good point you make, Laraine.  We’ve all heard the saying, “Whom the Lord calls, he qualifies.”  There’s nothing that says he has to do it through church callings.  There are many ways we can learn the lessons we need to learn in life.

President Boyd K. Packer recently spoke about giving assignments to people who need the experience and not to people who are best qualified.

 

Donn Ianuzi

Binghamton, NY Ward

Thanks for the reminder, Donn.  It’s always good to use the words of the general authorities as a general guideline when we’re making our decisions.  As the Meekster said earlier, though, sometimes a bishop will use his inspiration to minister to the many rather than to the one.  That’s one of the great things about receiving personal revelation — it’s customized to the individual circumstance.

I know you said you have plenty on the “STP” issue but I just had to write.


 

  Maybe some of the issues here can be fodder for future columns.

 

I have been a non-STP in the past, not due to lack of willingness to serve, maybe just underutilized.  I was an STP for several years, and now I seem to be back to non-STP status. 

Like teachers who are always called to be teachers, people who can play the piano are always called to be pianists or organists. I was recently sustained as organist without the courtesy of being called first. 

A few years ago I was “asked” to accept an “assignment” of being early morning seminary teacher by a sister, not even a priesthood leader, who did not even speak with my husband first.  When I tried to turn down this “assignment,” which I did not feel I could accept because of my work schedule, the sister put me on a guilt trip.  My husband finally had to intervene and tell her I could not do it. 

Unfortunately, experiences like these have soured me on church callings.  My understanding is that callings are to be cleared with the head of household before they are extended, and that callings should be extended before sustaining is done.  Have procedures changed?  Is seminary teacher an assignment rather than a calling?  The time commitment alone for teaching seminary requires support of the household, and it seems to me that this calling or assignment should be cleared with the head of household.  I also wonder about the appropriateness of a sister extending the calling or assignment.  Thanks for letting me vent.

Pam Cleveland

Venting is welcome, Pam.  That’s why this column exists.

I had to laugh when you mentioned that you were sustained as organist without being called first.  I was once in the congregation when a girl (this was a student ward) was sustained as Relief Society president without being called first.  She was a good sport about it and served well.

I know that being a seminary teacher is not a traditional church calling, but it was my understanding that the assignment is nevertheless extended by a priesthood leader.  I can see why you’d want to confer with family members before undertaking such a massive assignment.   Being a seminary teacher is something that affects the whole family.

In my experience, it is only major callings (and by “major” I mean time-consuming rather than prestigious) where the head of household is contacted before the call is issued.  The only time I ever had a bishop go through Clark before my calling was issued was the one time I served in a Relief Society presidency.  All the other callings I have received were just as much a surprise to him as they were to me.

My dear husband is 52 years of age. He has been a member all his life, with long-ago periods of inactivity. He has been faithful in all he does.

A year after we were married he was called as the seminary teacher. He loved the job, did it well, and the kids loved him!  At the end of that year he was called as the Sunday School president and admonished to retain the current counselors since they had served for less than a year, which he did. Six months later, he was released and called as a teacher in the teachers quorum.

None of these changes were explained.

He has been feeling quite the failure.  He has seen men as young as early 30s become high priests, some without being called into bishoprics, or stake high council, or other high-profile callings.  We have also seen men advance to the office of high priest who rarely attend church. My husband is an elder — the oldest one in the quorum, although with his new calling, he does not attend the Sunday meetings. We have even seen a recent convert (baptised last November) placed as an assistant secretary in the high priests group. He wasn’t even an elder at the time. How does that happen?

We are baffled.  Without appearing as if he is seeking a position in the church, how does one advance in the priesthood?  He worked with one brother who was explaining to another co-worker that he was a high priest and that my husband was just an elder. This brother was not called into a bishopric or other leadership position; he was the Webelos leader. But his wife was the Relief Society president.  Is there a connection?

Dispirited

Dispirited, I can see why you’re disheartened, but things aren’t as bleak as they may seem.  My husband was recently released as high priests group leader, and the advancement from elders quorum to the high priests group is one of those nebulous things that causes a whole lot of angst — not just for the people who feel trapped in the elders quorum, but also for the people who try to decide when men should move from one group to another.

As you’ve noticed, some people are advanced when they get specific church callings.  Clark was advanced when he got a stake calling, although I don’t remember whether it was executive secretary or stake clerk.  Men are automatically advanced when they are called into bishoprics, too — and that accounts for a lot of the younger members of high priests groups.  Men are called into bishoprics of student wards or overseas wards or even regular resident wards at a very young age, and they remain high priests for the rest of their lives.

If a calling doesn’t account for the advancement to the high priests group, things are a lot more fluid.  A lot of the decision rests with the stake president.  Some stake presidents advance men when they reach a certain age, and some of them are against advancing men unless there is a specific calling that forces the issue.   Our former stake president believed that a high priest is the patriarch of his family and advanced men who were the patriarch of their extended families, whether or not there was a calling that merited the advancement.  Our current stake president is of a different mindset, which is the way the Church works.

Although the high priests group leader doesn’t have much of a say as to who gets advanced into the quorum, he does have the latitude to call men of a certain age to meet with the high priests, even though he doesn’t have that priesthood.  We now have a new convert who is an elder by priesthood, but who teaches the lessons in high priests group.  It is not uncommon to see a high priests group secretary who is an elder, as you mentioned. 

Clark met with the high priests for several years before he was advanced to the office of high priest, just because he felt more comfortable meeting with that older group.  When he became high priests group leader, he extended that invitation to older members of our ward’s elders quorum.  Some older elders accepted that invitation gratefully.  Some said they desperately wanted to meet with the high priests, but only if they were advanced in the priesthood first.  Still others said they had no interest whatsoever in meeting with the old geezers and wanted to stick with the elders.  It was definitely an individual decision.


 

 

 

If your husband feels out of place meeting with the elders at age 52, you may want to suggest that he ask the high priests group leader if he can meet with the high priests.  I don’t know how things work in your ward, but in our 24+ years’ experience in our ward, many people have asked that question of many high priests group leaders and have been granted that permission.  Eventually they get advanced to the higher priesthood, but for the most part nobody cares whether someone who meets with the high priests (or even teaches them) is a high priest or an elder.  All that matters is that they are brothers in the same gospel, and members of the same Church.

I read an article years ago in Meridian Magazine that I have never forgotten. It referred to missionary leadership callings like district leader and zone leader, but it applies to every calling in the Church. It stated that too often we use callings to measure our worth and acceptance to the Lord. For example, I might believe that if the Lord thought I was worthy and capable, I would be RS president. However our worth to the Lord is that he sent his Son to die for us. God’s acceptance of our offering and life is having the Holy Ghost as our companion. Our worth and acceptance to God is not based on our calling or lack thereof.

I’ve moved around a lot and have been in a lot of wards in my 60-plus years. I am now in my third STP ward (in this ward the term seems to be “Anointed For Life” — AFL), and it didn’t dawn on me until I was writing this that all three of them are at the bottom of my list of the absolute worst wards I have lived in.

In one of these wards I happened, sort of by default, to be called to be the ward music chairman. It was during this time when Sunday School opening exercises were being reformatted, if I remember correctly, to have a hymn practice time. 

The bishop wanted a recommendation from me for someone to lead the singing. Sitting quietly in Relief Society one Sunday looking over the sisters, I noticed a very quiet, older, drab-looking woman completely fading into the back corner. I didn’t know her, but her very outgoing daughter led the singing in Relief Society quite often. I approached the woman asked her if she knew how to lead music. She simply said, “Well, yes.” I recommended to the bishop to have her called. In that calling, that woman just seemed to blossom and sparkle and bounce, and she was wonderful at getting people to sing.

I think so many times that callings are “lazy” callings. Perhaps without taking the time to quietly ponder whom to recommend, I would have gone with the front and center, boisterous daughter, and what a loss that would have been to everyone, especially to that quiet woman.

It has been a real testimony to me of one of the purposes of callings — to develop the talents in each of us, and to make us feel needed and useful. The vibrant, successful wards I have been in have shuffled many through the callings on a regular basis; the stagnant ones where people fail to get active, and stop coming to church at all, do not. 

My first STP ward was the ward I grew up in. I have personally found STP wards to be very judgmental, looking at the outward and outgoing persons, and not at the stuff deep down inside those we deem “odd.” As my parents grew older and we kids left, they sold the house and moved to the city. In no time at all, the bishop in that ward had them on a mission. That would never have happened in their old ward. My sister-in-law married a member, but not in the temple. With their family raised, they moved to a new area and that ward found the honest, true soul of this man deep down inside, and in no time, they and their family were to the temple.  

In my present ward, in addition to being a very quiet older woman without a calling, I watch the few being shuffled from position to position with the many just sitting and watching.  Quite frankly, it hurts. I would so much like to be involved and included. What was it that was said in conference — everyone needs a job. I am convinced this includes not just the newly baptized. 

The Lord looks at the heart and one day we will all be judged, in part, on how we judged others. Sometimes I wonder, could a huge dose of pride be in play in these STP wards — the busy, busy members with great pride in their “important” callings. 

Outside Looking In

Outside, your experience calling the quiet, drab woman to lead the music instead of her boisterous daughter should be an inspiration to us all.  I hope that all of us who are responsible for making callings can remember that example the next time we are called upon to find someone to fill a position.  As you have illustrated, as well as Ray Haeckel (whose letter appears above), one small decision can change a life.

I married and moved into a small community and for the next 15 years watched the STP go on. I worked in the nursery for eight years while having my first five children. Then I was released and put into Cub Scouts for the next seven years because my boys came “of age.” I was never invited to Primary parties or felt part of that program or the ward. It was terrible, and the hurt and unhappiness of being left out and treated like I was a second class member were almost unbearable.

I was the most thankful, happy person when we finally moved, and in the next 15 years I have served as YW president (where my sweet neighbour who had never been active accepted a call to be my secretary and two years later went to the temple).  I also had the privilege of serving in a Relief Society presidency and served as a stake missionary. My spiritual growth blossomed and I actually felt for the first time that I was an adult.

If I had not had a strong testimony during those first 15 years of experiences, I would have not have been active. My advice to bishops would be stop, stop, stop the STP. When given the opportunity, others do a tremendous job and bring a lot of people out of the STP into activity.

 

Left Out; Now All In

Thanks for a very happy conclusion to this topic, All In.  I’m glad you’ve found fulfillment and have even brought others along for the ride with you. 

I hope you have all benefitted from the letters we received in this topic.  Now it’s springtime, and a young person’s thoughts wander to thoughts of — well, prom.  This new subject will be a big departure from the topic we have just finished:

With springtime in Texas come my allergies and my aversion to prom dresses in sacrament meeting.


 

Why would anyone think a floor-length gown, a wrist corsage, and sparkles in the “up-do” are appropriate attire for our most sacred meeting? 

 

I’ve lived in many wards and the tradition is pervasive — you wear the dress to the dance on Saturday night and then wear it again on Sunday morning.  Why? The only reason I can think of is that the girls want to show off their pretty dresses.

I can think of a few other messages this practice sends, maybe unwittingly:

  1. I never went home last night.
  2. Look at me and tell me how pretty I am.
  3. I went to the prom and you didn’t.

Don’t get me wrong. I love our young women. They’re an amazing example of how to live in the world without becoming of the world. They shop long and hard to find modest dresses for formal occasions.  So do our brides, but they don’t wear their dresses to church.

 

I remember a conversation I had with my son many years ago when he regularly removed his pierced earring before administering the sacrament. He had plenty of “issues,” but he told me he never wanted to be a distraction to anyone during the sacrament.

 

Maybe this isn’t worth a whole column, but I needed to vent.

 

Allergic to Proms in Austin

Not worth a whole column, Allergic?  Surely you jest!  It sounds column-worthy to me!

Our ward hasn’t had prom dresses on display in years, but I’ll never forget the first prom season we lived here.  It was spring of 1988, and I innocently walked into the meetinghouse behind one of the Young Women, who was wearing a prom dress from the night before.  I was behind her so I didn’t see what she looked like from the front.  But I certainly got a view from the back!  I’m not sure how to phrase this, but you could clearly see where the two hemispheres of her backside parted company. 

I am now a jaded old person, but back then I was still young and hadn’t yet seen everything.  Looking at the rear end of the girl in her prom dress, I realized pretty quickly that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. 

Okay, people, what do you think about prom dresses at church on Sunday?  This topic may generate a lot of thought and a few laughs along the way.  Send ‘em to Me**************@ao*.com.  DO NOT USE THE FORM AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE, because I’ve heard too many horror stories of letters being lost that way.  Put something in the subject line to let me know your letter isn’t spam.  We’re looking forward to hearing from you.

Until next week — Kathy

“A quote would normally go here but my computer is currently hosed from a new program I purchased, PowerSuite.  Do not purchase PowerSuite if you have any interest in accessing the internet.”

Kathryn H. Kidd