I vividly remember my first day of law school at BYU. There I sat–shaking in my shoes in a room filled with 150 eager minds–and all of them more brilliant than I could ever hope to be. How did I luck out? Why was I selected for one of the law school slots when so many other worthy candidates had been rejected? Rex Lee, the insightful dean and stirring disciple of constitutional law, grilled us. When he called on me, I had no clue why Marbury v. Madison mattered. After all, why should I care that some 1803 legal precedent might remotely affect my life? I was a struggling father of three. The demands of law school meant I was also an absentee father. Please teach me how to deal with that! When my non-answer hung uncomfortably in the air, Dean Lee moved graciously to someone else–one of the “brilliant” students. As I recall, her answer was eloquent and erudite. My embarrassment had been painfully public.

I remember looking around the room more than once and marveling at my classmates. They crisply answered every question in the Socratic style for which they, not I, were eminently qualified. Sometimes my awe turned to envy, then jealousy. I would never be as good as my classmates, or as smart, or as talented, or as…what?

Comparison Leads To Disappointment

In the years since, and as I approach my 30th class reunion, I have learned that the inevitable result of comparison is disappointment. There will always be those who are smarter, faster, stronger, and, perhaps, better than me or you. And that’s okay. Elder Maxwell often urged us to adopt the only comparison which matters: our potential. Said he, “Comparing what we are with what we have the power to become should give us great spiritual hope” (Neal A. Maxwell, “Becoming A Disciple,” Ensign, June, 1996, p.12).

When we were children, we learned to compare ourselves to others in almost everything we did. From games of tag with the neighborhood kid who was faster than Roadrunner, to coaches who demanded that we throw like Bobby. Our parents, too, were constantly barraged with the compare-your-lifestyle-to-this nonsense from relentless advertisers: everything from exotic vacations they couldn’t afford but “deserved,” to clothing, fashion and cars like neighbor Jones.

The older I get, the more I realize that “keeping up” is the road to spiraling down. I don’t need a new car that I can’t afford just because neighbor Jones bought one and his kids are taunting mine about the rent-a-wreck we drive. I don’t need some New York ad agency filling my daughter’s head with images of bouncy hair and wavy lips only a cartoon character could emulate. I don’t need the latest, greatest bungee cord to sculpt my body beyond recognition just to please my mirror.

Centered On Self

When we are centered on self, we are self-centered. When we focus on comparing ourselves to others, we shift our focus from God. By keeping the first two commandments, we focus on what really matters. In this way, self-confidence and self-worth are self-evident. As we strip ourselves of pride, greed and manufactured need, we inevitably stop focusing on “being like them” so that we can be who we really are. We then emerge from our self-pleasing cocoons for the grand flight of discipleship.

The Yearbook

Have you ever dusted off your high school yearbook and scanned the callow faces yellowing in the dust of decades? What became of them? Some succeeded (as the world measures success). Some failed. Still others learned the hard way that potential is never realized in the dazzle of a smile, or in the shadows of private demons clawing at public persona. With a more mature eye, we realize that when we long for others’ blessings, we are often blinded to their unique burdens. Emulation of others is good when they are of high character. Comparison, however, is not emulation, but stagnation.

Our Potential

Long ago, one man–The Man of Holiness–bore our burdens so that we might bear up and be drawn to Him. He joys in our success. He mourns with our griefs. He succors our sorrows. Since no other person compares to the Savior, we should recognize that to compare ourselves with anyone else is to short-side our own vast potential. The Lord loves us so much that He descended below all things that we “may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear, we shall be like him…” (Moro. 7:48). That is the only comparison worthy of emulation: our true potential.