A Sure Defense in Troubled Times: How to Invite the Holy Ghost into Our Homes
by Claudia Goodman
When we were performing concerts in Japan a couple of years ago, the mission president shared a story that had great impact on us. The details are a little hazy, but basically a young girl, I believe about eleven or twelve, was riding the subway to school with her friend one morning as usual. When they got to one of the stops, a man with a small package boarded the subway and sat directly in front of her, placing the package on the floor. There was something strange about him, and she felt uncomfortable. Just before they reached the next stop, he poked the end of his umbrella in the package. Then he quickly got off the subway.
The girl turned to her friend and said, “We have to get off right now. I don’t know why. We just have to get off.” Her friend followed her. Stops are so brief that there was no time to debate, just hurry and scramble off. They went to find an official to report the strange man who had sat next to them.
Between that stop and the next, the man’s package let off deadly fumes which killed all the people who were nearby and seriously injured hundreds of people on the entire subway train.
The girl had not experienced a vision, a deep strong burning, or even a distinct voice. She simply had a quiet impression that she needed to get off the subway, and she immediately acted on it, rather than waiting to see what happened. If she had not responded, she would have died. How did she recognize the Holy Ghost at such a critical time?
When our children were very young, my husband and I were visiting with a bride who was to be married shortly. She was almost hysterical with worry. As we talked, she admitted that she wasn’t sure she was marrying the right man. We were shocked. We asked her if she had prayed about it. She said that she had but admitted, “I don’t know how to get answers to my prayers. I’ve never felt the Holy Ghost.”
That night we vowed that if we taught our children nothing else, we would do all in our power to help them develop a personal relationship with the Holy Ghost. Over many years of trying to meet that goal again and again with each child, we have discovered several principles that have helped us.
Invite the Holy Ghost into our Homes
First, we must invite the Holy Ghost into our homes. If the only time the Holy Ghost is mentioned is at baptism, children soon forget that He even exists. Once I wrapped a package with beautiful paper and ribbon. I presented it to one of our children at family home evening. By prior arrangement she took the gift without even looking at it or thanking me and threw it under her seat. How does Heavenly Father feel if we treat His precious gift that way?
We can invite the Holy Ghost into our homes by insuring that there are quiet moments. The scriptures tell us frequently that the Holy Ghost is the still, small voice. Sometimes we can’t hear it simply because there is too much commotion. We all have too much going on all around us. Elijah’s experience tells us that the Spirit of the Lord was not in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire, but in a still, small voice (I Kings 19:11-12).
Another way we can invite the Holy Ghost into our homes is by teaching our children to take time to listen for the Holy Ghost at the end of their personal prayers. So often we tend to ask the Lord a question and then get up and leave before He has time to answer us. Even family prayers can be changed to a more peaceful setting so there is a chance to listen. We found that the most consistent time for us to hold family prayer was right before breakfast and dinner, because we never forgot to eat! We knelt around the table, but after awhile we noticed that the prayers were getting shorter and shorter, with children jumping up almost before they were over and diving into the food as they shouted, “Amen.” Finally we switched our prayers to the living room and had everyone kneel in a circle facing the middle. After that there was an incredible change in feeling, as we had time to pause after prayer and feel the spirit of the Holy Ghost in the room.
Other ways we can invite the Holy Ghost into our homes are by having an orderly house. Sometimes with small children-or even with teenagers-it is not possible to have the whole house orderly at all times! But at least it may be possible to have an orderly room most of the time. Calm, peaceful music also invites the Spirit.
When I was in my teens, I yearned for an isolated place where I could meditate and pray without being afraid someone would interrupt me. Because I shared a room with my sister and we had a large family, there really was not a private room in the house. I used to walk up the nearby canyon when I really needed to be alone. Everyone needs some private time in order to communicate effectively with deity. Parents can do all in their power to help create such a place. Children can also be taught to respect and accommodate each other’s needs when a sibling says, “I really need to be alone for a little while. Is that okay with you?”
Point Out when the Spirit is Present
Once we consistently invite the Holy Ghost into our homes, the next step is to point out times when the Spirit is present. At first children are not aware of what the spirit feels like. Even if they have grown up with it, they may not recognize it. Missionaries often use this technique with investigators. When the spirit is particularly strong they say, “How do you feel right now?” After the investigator answers, they reply, “What you are feeling is the Holy Ghost.” In the same way, children need someone to point out to them what they are feeling. Otherwise the feeling may go unnoticed. One of the best ways to foster that feeling and have your children recognize it is to have the missionaries teach investigators in your home. The saying “A picture is worth a thousand words” holds true. You are experiencing firsthand the Holy Ghost at work.
The other day Aimee, our thirteen-year-old, was a few minutes late when I went to pick her up after school. She explained that one of her teachers was having an operation the next day, and as she was leaving, she had the feeling that she should go wish him good luck, so she acted on her impression. “I think it made him really happy, Mom,” she told me afterwards. We may never know why that prompting was so important, but I’m glad she acted on it, and I know she feels at peace inside. Here was an opportunity for me to point out that she was following a prompting from the Holy Ghost.
Provide Opportunities to Practice
As our children learn to recognize what the Holy Ghost feels like, we can provide opportunities to practice following their promptings. Recognizing the Holy Ghost is in some respects like learning any other skill. Like learning to walk or ride a bike, it takes some experience-and a few falls. How can you get the feel of balancing a bike if you don’t lean a little too far to each side and wobble or even fall? And how much better to give our children opportunities to wobble at little when they are deciding whether to go to their friend’s party on Sunday or whether to buy an expensive toy with the money they have saved. If their first practice at recognizing the Holy Ghost comes when they must determine whether to serve a mission or whom they will marry, they are treading in pretty deep water.
One of the most common questions we all ask is, “How do I know if it is the Holy Ghost or just my own thoughts?” As we help our children in their practice, we can remind them that, as the scriptures tell us, “I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost” (D&C 8:2). Sometimes we feel a prompting in our mind first (in our thoughts), sometimes in our heart (our feelings), but usually we experience both.
We can also remember that the Lord expects us to study out our problems on our own first and come up with a possible solution. Then we can ask Him, and if our answer is right, He will cause our bosom to burn. If not, we will feel a stupor of thought that will cause us to forget our conclusion. We can help our children understand that when they continue to have second thoughts or feel confused or anxious, they probably have not yet reached the right conclusion. That doesn’t mean they have made a mistake, but simply that they are working though the steps. When the answer is right, they will be filled with peace and move ahead with the decision without second thoughts or without ever looking back. (D&C 9:7-9)
Someone once told me she had found that usually her first impression is from the Holy Ghost, while the second is generally hers. As I have tried in my own life to act more consistently on my first impressions, I have found that observation to be true. For example, I might have an impression to call someone. But I say to myself, “No, it’s too early. I’ll wait a half hour.” So I wait. Then when I call, I discover that she left a half hour ago. I have found by experience the great importance of trusting our first impressions.
In the same way, we need to make sure we do not take lightly our children’s first impressions. I recall several occasions when our children had uncomfortable feelings about someone or some situation several hours or days before I reached the same conclusion. They were more in tune than I was. We must treat our children with respect and encourage them to pray about their promptings and follow them.
One day our daughter got off the school bus several stops early and called me from a friend’s house for a ride home. She said she had very uncomfortable feelings about riding the bus the rest of the way home. She felt like something bad was going to happen. Rather than criticizing her decision or complaining about the inconvenience it caused me, I complimented her for following her promptings. We may never know why she felt that way, but following her impressions gave her more confidence that she can recognize the Holy Ghost in her life.
So often when we encourage our children to pray about a decision, they will come back to us saying, “I didn’t feel anything.” Sometimes that conclusion is lack of experience and not recognizing feelings, but sometimes it is because the Lord would be pleased with either answer and is leaving the decision up to them. Several years ago as we were presented with two different job opportunities, we prayed about a particular move to either Utah or California. We received no feelings about either place and felt the Lord telling us, “I could use you either place right now. What do you want to do?” On that occasion we chose what we wanted to do. However on the next two job opportunities, we had very clear impressions that we were to take them, even though one of them involved a move we did not want to make. As we followed those promptings, doors opened that we never could have imagined.
Reinforce our Children’s Successes
As they continue to practice recognizing and following their promptings from the Holy Ghost, it is important for us to reinforce our children’s successes. Then their confidence and desire to rely on the Holy Ghost will increase until they come to know the Holy Ghost as a constant companion and friend. Our daughter Marilee wrote about one of her first experiences with the Holy Ghost.
“When I was about twelve, I went to a movie with one of my friends. I was really excited, because it was just the two of us, and I felt so grown up. My mom dropped us off at the theater and told me to call when I found out what time the show ended so she could pick us up. We found out that the movie was a double feature, which was even better-two movies for the price of one!! And besides, they were both good ones! I called home, but my mom hadn’t gotten back yet, so I left a message with my little brother, telling him that we would be later than we had planned.
We watched the first movie, and it was wonderful. During the middle of the second one, I had the feeling that I should call my mom again. I thought, “No, that’s silly. My friend will think that I’m a baby and that I can’t live without my mom. I’ve already called her once. Isn’t that enough?” Obviously it wasn’t, because after dismissing it several times, I still had the feeling that I should call her. I finally excused myself and went all the way outside to call home.
When my mom answered the phone, I heard a sigh of relief as she said, “Oh, Marilee, I was just praying that you would call home and let me know what was going on. Somehow the message got confused, and I didn’t know where you were or what you were doing. I’m so glad that you listened to your promptings from the Holy Ghost.”
After I hung up, I realized what had happened. I really had listened to and followed the promptings of the Holy Ghost for myself. I was so grateful to my mom for pointing that out to me and for helping me to realize what I had done. That experience was a turning point for me, because I realized that I could recognize and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost for myself, even if my parents weren’t around to help me. And it gave me the confidence to know that the Holy Ghost would be there for me; He was my personal friend.”
I still remember when I reached the point when the Holy Ghost was no longer a random friend that sometimes came and sometimes didn’t. I was at the Hill Cumorah Pageant bearing testimony of the Book of Mormon each night to the people who came to view the Pageant. I had finally had enough practice to know that when I asked for that spirit to be with me, it would surely come, because I was living for it and I knew how to ask in faith and recognize it. It was a wonderful feeling, knowing that I could have the Holy Ghost with me whenever I needed Him.
Besides all we can do to reinforce our children’s successful experiences with the Holy Ghost, there is another priceless tool that I discovered along the way. It is simply writing in a journal every night. I can’t tell you the number of days I have thought, “I don’t think I’ll write in my journal tonight. Nothing has really happened today. I’ll just wait until tomorrow.” But if I will just sit down and start writing, little experiences from the day will come back to me, and I will recognize instances where the Holy Ghost guided me without my even being aware of them. If I had not taken time to write, those precious little testimony-building experiences would have gone unnoticed, and I would have failed to recognize God’s love for me in every little aspect of my life. Writing in a journal has been one of the most powerful ways I have come to recognize the Holy Ghost. Over time, children will have that same experience.
Be an Example
Finally, perhaps the most powerful tool we have to help our children is to be an example. How critical it is for us to make the Holy Ghost our own constant companion. And if our relationship with the Holy Ghost is weak, it’s okay; all we have to do is start strengthening it than right now. We can learn right along with our children, and they can benefit from our own growth as we share our experiences with them. They key is to keep growing and sharing. Otherwise they have no pattern to follow.
One unforgettable lesson our children learned was from my own stumbling. We were attending the baptism of a good friend from my husband’s work. As we left for the baptism the thought came to me, “You should take a towel in case they don’t have any.” (my first impression) I immediately rationalized, “They always have towels at baptisms. I’ve never been to one where they didn’t. I’d feel silly taking a towel.” So I ignored the prompting. When we arrived at the baptism, we discovered that there were no towels. Someone had to drive quite a distance to a member’s home to get one, delaying the baptism until his return. The irony was that we had purchased new guest towels the day before, which would have been so easy for me to take with us. Even though I failed to follow my prompting, our children were able to learn from my experience and be stronger because of it.
Once my husband Steve returned from a trip. He told us that he had been working on his laptop computer when he had the thought, “Close your computer. The flight attendant is going to spill a drink,” enter his mind. He slammed the computer closed without even saving his work. Immediately the flight attendant dropped a drink, which spilled all over Steve and his computer. Luckily the insides of his computer were not harmed, because he followed his first impression. Steve can no longer remember that experience, but the children and I have never forgotten it. It has been guide for us in relying on the Holy Ghost.
As we continue to practice following the promptings of the Holy Ghost, our faith and trust increase. We gain the assurance that we can call on the Holy Ghost whenever we are in need and know that we can rely on Him. He will become our friend and constant companion, especially in times of trial or special need.
Five years ago this December our family faced an experience that required every one of us to rely heavily upon the promptings and comfort of the Holy Ghost. I quote from our book, Parting the Red Sea One Bucket at a Time:
I dashed to the church just in time to play for the older kids.
The meeting went long, and we were all relieved when it was finally finished and their song was over. Melissa, Marilee, and I piled in the car. and headed for home.
It was a pleasant afternoon, a little gray, but unusually mild for December. Now the sun was getting low in the sky, and the chill of night was setting in. Our conversation was light and easy. It felt good to relax after such a demanding day.
When we reached the Sandy exit, we left the freeway and started up 11400 South. We were almost home. As we approached the intersection at 700 East, we were jolted out of our comfort zone by flashing red lights.
We shouldn’t have been surprised. We knew that corner well. The speed limit was 50 miles per hour going north and south, and there was only a stop sign for those going east and west. To make matters worse, there was a little rise and some trees, making it almost impossible for those waiting at the stop sign to see what was coming. Periodic newspaper reports complained that there had been fifty-three accidents at that corner in the past three years, and the neighbors had been trying for at least that long to get a traffic light installed. They were terrorized by the continual screech of brakes and even a fatality that had occurred a few months earlier. We’d had several close calls there ourselves, but had never seen an accident.
Our talking stopped abruptly as we all strained to see what had happened. There were half a dozen fire engines and about ten police cars, all with their lights flashing. Crowds of people were scattered everywhere, and there were news cameras filming the scene. I said to Melissa, who was in the front seat beside me, “There’s been a terrible accident!”
We inched forward toward the stop sign as the traffic trickled across the intersection. Finally I could see a battered red car hurled into the vacant field across the street, pointing in the other direction. The picture of Steve and the children leaving Provo flashed through my mind. He had been driving the older kids’ little red Daihatsu home instead of his usual car.
“That’s not our car, is it?” I asked, trying to steady my voice. We all sat in dead silence as our car inched forward. Finally we were able to see the car a little more clearly.
“Well, it has the same kind of license plate,” Melissa whispered.
At last we were able to clear the intersection. My heart was pounding, and my stomach was in my throat. I pulled off into the Circle-K parking lot on the corner. “I’m sorry,” I said, “but I’ve just got to check this out.”
I didn’t wait for a response. I fumbled with the door handle and stepped out of the car just as a stretcher was wheeled in front of me. On it were a couple of mounds, covered by a white sheet. My mind was too paralyzed to grasp what it meant.
An old man stood nearby. “What happened?” I asked.
He shook his head and wiped his face with a handkerchief. “Oh, there’s been a terrible accident,” he said, his voice wavering. “Three children were killed”
I started to run. I didn’t want to know anymore. And yet I had to know. I was running blindly toward that red car. Was it ours? Why couldn’t I tell?
I was stopped by a policeman. The car was blocked off with yellow caution tape. “What do you want?” he asked.
I struggled to find my voice. “I just want to know what kind of car that is,” I gasped.
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because my husband was driving a red car by here about half an hour ago.”
“What’s your name?” the policeman asked with sudden interest.
“Claudia Goodman,” I replied.
There was a brief uncomfortable pause as the policeman and his partner exchanged glances. Then he hesitantly turned me around and started walking with me. “It’s getting cold out here,” he said in softer tone. “You’d better get a coat.”
That was the last thing on my mind. “I’m not cold,” I replied, feeling totally numb.
As we walked back toward my car, I was surrounded by more policemen. “Can you please give us the names and ages of everyone in your husband’s car?” one asked, carefully writing everything I told him.
My mind was racing wildly. Had children really been killed here? Even if they had, they couldn’t be our children. Maybe someone else’s. It might not even be our red car. But the truth was slowly beginning to dawn on me. As I continued to walk, I saw dozens of people I knew-people from our ward-sobbing uncontrollably.
“Oh, I’m afraid it was us,” I thought. “Otherwise, why would people we know be crying so hard?”
The next thing I knew I was in a police car heading for the hospital with Melissa and Marilee. I felt walls closing in all around me. I gasped for breath. My heart was thundering in my ears. I was shaking from head to foot. Never had I felt so alone.
I leaned toward the policeman who was driving. “Please,” I whispered, dreading his answer, “can you tell me what happened? Can you just tell me anything?”
There was an uneasy silence. I braced myself as the policeman finally began speaking. “Well, I don’t really know,” he began. “I wasn’t there when it happened.”
I knew inside that he probably did know what happened, but that he was not authorized to tell me. I would have to wait till I got to the hospital to find out.
I felt like I was running-running away from myself, running away from life. I was lost. There was no one to turn to, nothing I could do, no one to help me. Almost out of habit I closed my eyes. Through my numbness I realized there was still one place I could go. While my rigid body sat frozen in my seat, my mind raced down the path well-worn from frequent visiting. I threw myself at the feet of my dearest Friend and cried to Him with all the inner pleadings of my soul.
Suddenly I was aware of the blazing warmth of a fire kindled all around me. It penetrated every fiber of my being. My bosom burned as the same words were spoken to me over and over again. “Your children are in my hands. This is right. They have completed the missions I sent them to do. This is the next step in my plan for you and your family.”
I reached the hospital with those words still ringing in my ears. My body was trembling, and my mind was reeling, but I felt an inner peace and calmness sustaining me.
The rest of the story is in the book, but basically at the hospital I learned that three of our children had been killed and that my husband and two other children were so critically injured that they had been life-flighted to two different hospitals. None of them were expected to live.
Having lived through that experience, I testify that in times of great tragedy, the Lord will see us through. We had felt God’s influence before in our lives, but at that time we learned what it was like to have Him walk with us day and night and encircle us in the arms of His love. He was there for us-every moment. We learned first-hand that in all circumstances-even in the midst of great tragedy-the gospel is still the PLAN OF HAPPINESS!
And so, in the days ahead as the storm clouds darken and Satan gathers his forces for the final battles, if we have taken the Holy Ghost as our constant companion and friend and taught our children well, then “when the rain falls hard and the storm blows wild” and evil rages throughout the world, we will all stand in holy places. And even if we are separated from our children and loved ones, we can rest assured that they, too, wherever they are, have that constant companion with them to comfort and strengthen them and to see them through-a sure defense in troubled times-until the dawning of that brighter day, which most certainly will come.
2004 Meridian Magazine. All Rights Reserved.
