Relationships

Our Journals-Writings of the Heart
by Claudia Goodman

With the recent wildfire that spread through Arizona, we watched as the large outdoor dome where we were scheduled to hold girls’ camp was transformed into a temporary shelter for thousands evacuated from the fire’s grasp.  The news showed people from the town of Show Low and surrounding areas loading whatever they could into their cars on two to four hours’ notice and driving off, knowing that whatever they left behind would probably be lost forever.  I found myself asking, “What would I take with me besides my family?” and I asked my Laurel class the same question.  The most immediate answer for most of them was, “My journals.”  Why are journals so important to us?  There are many reasons.  Here are just a few:

First, a journal gives us the opportunity to keep a personal record of our life.  It’s amazing how quickly the details become hazy, and it’s wonderful to have a reminder of what happened in our past.  So many times I have checked back in a journal to discover which arm was broken last time (right or left?), how long ago a child had the chicken pox, a baptismal or endowment date, or the account of a certain event.  Without a written record, those details are quickly lost.  We see with the Mulekite nation in the Book of Mormon just how rapidly even an entire nation’s language deteriorates without those written accounts. 

Second, keeping a journal gives us a chance to record our feelings.  As we do so, we come to see them more clearly, face them, and deal with them effectively.  It also gives us a chance to capture the emotion while it is fresh.  When we think back on it later, it’s almost impossible to recreate the same intensity of feeling.  For example, here is a quote from Marilee’s missionary journal:  “Well, right at the beginning I just have to say–I LOVE BEING ON MY MISSION!!!  It is so wonderful for me and I am learning so much.  The gospel is incredible.  There are so many wonderful people to love.  I can’t believe I ever thought twice about coming.  We taught [our investigator] the 6th discussion yesterday!  It was so cool to teach.  It just sums up all of the discussions together.  I loved it.  The only thing that is keeping her from being baptized is living chaste.  She said she’s not ready to accept the Lord’s answer yet.  After she left I cried.  Oh, I love her so much and I wish I could just help her see.  There’s nothing more that I want than to help these wonderful people come to Christ.  However, we don’t have to give up just because she’s not ready yet.  God never gives up on us when we are weak.”  Feelings are powerful and fleeting.  The best time to capture them is while they are fresh.  This journal entry is one that Marilee will treasure when she returns home from her mission next month-one that she will cherish and draw upon in years to come.

The third reason to keep a journal is to recognize the Lord’s hand in our lives.  I can’t even count the number of times I have sat down at night and thought, “Nothing has happened today worth writing about.  I’ll just skip tonight and write tomorrow instead.  Maybe it will be a more memorable day.”  Yet, without fail, if I will just make myself start writing, events of the day will quietly come floating back to me-events that would have been lost to my mind forever if I had not taken the time to write them down.  And in those events I recognize that the hand of God was protecting me, prompting me, and blessing me in ways I did not even notice while they were happening.  It is only in retrospect that I see His incredible influence guiding each experience of my life.  Truly, as king Benjamin says, He is “even supporting you from one moment to another.” (Mos. 2:21)  Keeping a consistent journal is one of the very best ways to recognize His constant love and care for us in a personal way.    

The fourth reason to keep a journal is to strengthen us in troubled times.  We all have periods in our lives when we feel a loss of direction.  At those moments, looking back to other times in our lives when we struggled and triumphed or when our vision was clear can renew our courage and determination to keep pressing forward.  After our car accident five years ago, eight-year-old Aimee miraculously recovered from severe traumatic brain injury.  But she faced an even greater challenge:  she had lost her very dearest friend-her sister who was just fourteen months older than she was.  I finally suggested that when she felt lonely, she should write her feelings in her journal to LeAnne.  She did so and found great comfort and healing.  Now she looks back on those heart-rending expressions and gains strength as she sees how far she has come.

The fifth reason for writing a journal is to record personal revelation.  There are special times when each of us receives direct answers to prayer, divine inspiration in the temple, deep insight through the scriptures, or clear direction from a devoted leader.  This inspired guidance needs to be recorded before it fades from our memory.  We can refer to it again and again throughout our lives, just as we do our patriarchal blessings, to give us strength and direction.  Some of the times I refer back to in my journals are a powerful setting apart blessing my husband received many years ago, a deep insight that came to me during a temple session, and a remarkable dream my husband had, part of which has since been fulfilled.  Such experiences are often too sacred to be shared with others, but writing them in a journal preserves them for our personal use and safekeeping.   

Finally, a journal is one of the best ways to leave a legacy for posterity.  I was deeply touched at the Nauvoo Temple dedication to hear Elder Holland’s story about Reuben Allred following an impression to take some ground cornmeal to a family who was completely destitute of food, even though he did not know their circumstances.  Reuben Allred was my third-great grandfather, but I had never heard that story.  Apparently someone had recorded it in their journal, and what a precious insight it was to me.  Through my ancestors’ journals I have learned about their miraculous conversion to the Book of Mormon when they heard a heavenly voice testify to them of its truthfulness; their courage when they were forced to leave two of their children in the hands of the mob as they were driven out of Nauvoo; and their burning conviction to build the Manti Temple on the site where it now stands in spite of intense opposition.  Those faith-building experiences would be lost to us without their journals.  The strength of their testimonies burns in our hearts because they have been passed on to us as a precious legacy through their written word.  In the same way, the Book of Mormon has been passed on to the descendants of Lehi’s family and to all of us-a priceless heritage.

The day after our first child was born, my husband presented me with a gift for him.  I opened it and discovered a brand new journal.  “Now you need to write in it today about Shawn’s birth and keep this journal for him,” he explained.  Needless to say, I didn’t feel much like writing the day after I had given birth to a baby.  However, I made myself pick up the pen.  Before I knew it, I was reliving the precious miracles of the day before.  I also included a few pertinent facts, such as Shawn’s length and birth weight and a brief description of how he looked.  The hospital offered to put his footprints on a page of his journal, in addition to the certificate they usually stamp. 

After I arrived home from the hospital, I tried hard to write a little each night in Shawn’s journal.  It was hard, but I succeeded much of the time.  Usually there wasn’t much to write, which helped.  Sometimes periods of time slipped by before I remembered to write again, but the things that I did write were precious to look back on.

As more children joined our family, we added a journal for each of them, and I did pretty well in the hospital to give them a good start.  The children soon reached the point where they could scribble on a page while I wrote a sentence or two about their day.  They loved doing it, and as they got older, they would read back through their earlier journals with delight.    

It was exciting when the older children were finally able to write in their own journals and then eventually help me write in the younger children’s journals.  Their journals became great treasures for them to look back on and see how much their drawing and writing had improved!  It was a wonderful way to watch their growth.  We hoped that if we could just get our children in the habit of writing in their journals when they were young, they would establish a pattern that would be relatively easy for them to follow throughout their lives.

As they reached their teen years, their journals became a valuable tool for them to express and sort out their feelings.  It gave them a place to record their goals and private feelings, analyze their dating experiences, and hold onto the precious new truths they were discovering.  By now keeping a journal had become part of their lives-a time they looked forward to.  And their journals became their most valuable possessions because they were irreplaceable.

We found that bedtime was usually the most practical time to write in a journal.  It was the perfect end to the day-a time to report to themselves and to the Lord on how well they had managed their time and their stewardship that day.

As our children have served missions, they have sent their journals home to us in the form of a weekly letter, and we have placed those letters in a journal binder for them to keep when they return home.  They then have a priceless account of their mission.

It is not always easy to write in a journal.  Like reading the scriptures every day, for most of us it takes constant recommitment and fine-tuning.  We may find that we have huge gaps when we have not written at all.  But as we make the effort to write our feelings as often as we can, we will find that our journals and those of our ancestors will become some of our most priceless possessions-among the first things we would load in the car if a fire or other disaster threatened to destroy all we owned-something we would pray for the Lord to preserve for us throughout all eternity. 

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