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Differentiating between who we are (our hands) and what we have done (the dirt on our hands) is an important step in learning to see the truth about ourselves. How we see ourselves is an integral part of everything we do. The way we behave is strongly influenced by the picture we have of ourselves. That is why the adversary conducts such a vicious campaign against our self-image. One avenue of attack comes through the messages from our society. Sexual transgression has been part of every age, and the times we live in are particularly permissive. Even so, there still exists a definite disdain or contempt for those who let their sexual urges get out of hand. Those of us who have been caught in these out-of-control sexual behaviors have felt this contempt. We have even joined in our own condemnation, shaming and blaming ourselves more than anyone else could. This shame leads us to isolate ourselves from others, from society, and especially from God, thus cutting ourselves off from all sources of help and healing.

The Truth about our Basic Character

In the process of becoming trapped in addiction, we believe and accept a number of lies, making our enslavement possible. Recovery can be defined as a process of recognizing these lies and replacing them with truth. The sweet joy recovery brings comes from being reunited with the truth about God’s character (as we covered in the last chapter) and also from reawakening to a knowledge of our own true character.

Joseph Smith taught a powerful lesson about understanding God and ourselves:

There are but a very few beings in the world who understand rightly the character of God.If men do not comprehend the character of God, they do not comprehend themselves. (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 343)

If men do not comprehend God’s character, they do not comprehend their own! Why would Joseph say that? I believe he was trying to tell us that we are-in our truest and deepest selves-more like our Heavenly Father than we can even imagine. It is not just symbolic or poetic language to call us children of God. As the apostle Paul said, “We are also his offspring” (Acts 17:28). We are of the same family-the same species, the same race. We are the same kind of being. We are not just His creations, His puppets or His creatures. We are His children. Just as our physical bodies reflect characteristics of our earthly parents, our spirits have inherited many traits of our heavenly parents. Our Father and Mother in Heaven are immortal human beings, and although they are much farther along in their eternal progression, there are still many ways we are more like them than we are different from them. I imagine that those among us who have progressed the farthest, in their best moments are not very different in character from God. I believe that God has many of the same feelings, sentiments, and instincts we do.

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

Jesus, our great High Priest, understands us far better than we understand ourselves. He remembers us as we once were, before the fall. He believes in us, even when we don’t believe in ourselves. He believes in us, even when we don’t believe in Him.

Paul talked about our relationship to God, and how we become more and more like our Father as we grow spiritually:

And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ. (Galatians 4:6-7)

The title “Abba” is an interesting one. In Aramaic, the language Jesus spoke, Abba is not the formal term for “Father.” Rather, it is the type of endearing term a small child might use, such as “Papa” or “Daddy” (Hugh Nibley, BYU Studies, vol. 19, 50). Jesus also used this term in the Lord’s Prayer, which, if we heard it as He spoke it, might sound something like “Our Daddy, who art in heaven.” The tenderness of this sweet relationship that the Spirit tells me I enjoyed with my “Daddy” in Heaven before my birth into mortality melts my heart and brings tears to my eyes.

Satan Twists the Gift of Conscience

One mission of both the Holy Ghost and the Light of Christ is to testify to us of the truth, even when the truth is that we have done something wrong. This is the gift of conscience. Sometimes, instead of taking courage in the promise of forgiveness for repentance, we allow Satan to twist this gift of conscience, using it to keep us in sin rather than to turn us back to God. Responding to the urging of the adversary, we give in to blame and shame. We take those thoughts of correction and run with them down the field in the wrong direction-toward our opponent’s goal. We turn the Lord’s invitation to repent into a reason to demoralize ourselves and set ourselves up to be even more vulnerable to sin.

Thus, Satan uses the enticings of our own conscience to defeat us. Unlike the Lord, he doesn’t respect us and is totally devoid of integrity. He doesn’t fight fair. He entices us to sin, saying, “Hey, this will be fun, this will be great-come and try this out! It’s not that bad. It won’t do any harm.” Then when we give in, he turns on us and sneers in our face, in a cruel, sadistic imitation of our conscience: “You sinner! You scum! You are the biggest slimeball in history. No one could possibly tolerate you (let alone love you) if they knew what you are really like.” On and on it goes. Is it any wonder the adversary is referred to as “the accuser of our brethren” (Revelation 12:10). The really sad part is that after a while, we take up the cry ourselves, becoming our own accusers. Our enemy has convinced us to join his side against ourselves, exactly as he intended. He knows if he can confuse our perception of our conscience enough, if he can get us to identify ourselves as sinners, we are that much easier to coax into sin. We act as we believe, and if we believe ourselves to be bad, we are much more likely to act badly. We say to ourselves: “Why shouldn’t I do (whatever)? That’s just the sort of person I am. There’s no point in expecting anything better from me.” Thus our negative beliefs contribute to our own defeat. As the scriptures tell us, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).

When the Light of Christ, our conscience, speaks to our hearts, we must learn to react in a balanced way. We cannot take our sins too lightly, minimizing their severity and shortchanging our repentance. On the other hand, we must not be demoralized over our mistakes. We need to take courage and move forward, realizing the Lord has confidence in us, and that correction from Him is truly an evidence of His love.

My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?.but he [chasteneth us] for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:5-7, 10-11)

Not only is the Lord’s correction done with love, but it arises from His desire to bring us peace, righteousness, and exaltation. While it is never a comfortable feeling to have our conscience witness to us that we have made a mistake and therefore need to repent, the corrections we receive are a reminder of the Lord’s confidence in us and His invitation to us to become something better. Elder Neal A. Maxwell cautions:

What can we do to manage these vexing feelings of inadequacy?.We can distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil’s dissonance, between dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second, remembering that when conscience calls to us from the next ridge, it is not solely to scold but also to beckon. (Ensign, November 1976, 14)

Assailed by Lies

If I am truly the son of a divine, loving Father in Heaven, how did I come to see myself so negatively? How did I become convinced of the worst about myself? The apostle Paul gave us at least part of the answer:

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

We are not alone on this earth. Nor are all those who share this earth with us friendly. Satan and his followers have determined to destroy us, and they will continue that campaign until they are finally bound and stopped. In the meantime, we have a battle on our hands. Even so, we should always keep in mind, as the Prophet Joseph put it:

All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not. The devil has no power over us only as we permit him. (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 181)

As long as we resist the adversary, the only power he has is to lie to us. Yet this is still a formidable power. Lies are the basis of all the evil in the world. Every person who indulges in sin has accepted the lie that happiness can be found in sin.

Satan is also leading a major campaign to rob us of our knowledge of God. One of the most damaging lies Satan has perpetrated is that we cannot know our Heavenly Father. Some churches have been deceived into accepting this lie, teaching that God is “unknowable.” This lie robs us of the knowledge of our kinship with God, isolating us and making us easier to deceive and enslave.

In the midst of addiction, I wandered in a fog of lies-lies I believed, as well as lies I told. Before I could get free from addiction, I needed to become free from these damaging falsehoods that I both believed and acted upon. One of the most detrimental lies was this:

I am fundamentally a bad person because of my sins and my addiction. The fact that all my attempts at repentance have not freed me from these despicable behaviors must mean that my basic nature is really evil.

If you have never experienced firsthand the devastation of addiction, you may think this statement is an exaggeration. If you have struggled as I have, however, I think you will recognize these feelings. Sometimes I was so consumed with guilt that it was hard for me to see anything good about myself. It is one thing to feel remorse for a particular behavior, but I went in for wholesale condemnation. Today I realize that these self-judging thoughts didn’t come entirely from myself. The forces of evil are continually at work, striving to tear down every positive feeling we have toward ourselves.

The second half of this chapter will be posted next week.

Clean Hands, Pure Heart by Philip A. Harrison, and its companion LDS 12 Step book, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage by Colleen C. Harrison, are available at most LDS bookstores and can be ordered online at www.rosehavenpublishing.com