Clean Hands, Pure Heart
Overcoming Addiction to Pornography through the Redeeming Power of Jesus Christ
Chapter 6: Step Three-Part 2
By Philip A. Harrison
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. (A.A. and Heart t’ Heart versions)
Made the decision to reconcile ourselves to the will of God, offer our whole souls as an offering unto Him, and trust Him in all things forever. (2 Nephi 10:24; Omni 1:26; Mosiah 3:19; 2 Nephi 4:34) (Heart t’ Heart scriptural version)
Looking Unto the Lord in Every Thought
How, then, do we begin to turn back to the Lord and surrender our addiction to Him? We have talked about the importance of turning our desires over to Him. This begins with our very thoughts.
If one “mind[s] the things of the flesh” (Rom. 8:5), he cannot “have the mind of Christ” (1 Cor. 2:16) because his thought patterns are “far from” Jesus, as are the desires or the “intents of his heart” (Mosiah 5:13). Ironically, if the Master is a stranger to us, then we will merely end up serving other masters.
The sovereignty of these other masters is real, even if it sometimes is subtle. To the extent that we are not willing to be led by the Lord, we will be driven by our appetites, or we will be greatly preoccupied with the lesser things of the day. For many moderns, sad to say, the query “What think ye of Christ?” (Matt. 22:42) would be answered, “I really don’t think of Him at all!” (Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign, Nov. 1995, 22-23)
Our thoughts and desires must be centered in Christ if we are to escape enslavement by our appetites. This doesn’t mean we must first “have the mind of Christ” before we can give up “the things of the flesh,” nor does it mean we must be clean before we can approach the Lord. The two processes happen simultaneously.
The Lord has told us that we are to first “come unto Christ [as we are], and [then] be perfected in Him” (Moroni 10:32). I have learned I can begin by doing things that bring Christ into my mind. I spend time every day in sincere, heartfelt prayer, and regularly ponder the scriptures. In addition, I must not only “think of Jesus” but also let Him become the center of my life, of my very thoughts, if I am to become free from the ravages of entrapment in sensuality.
Even when I was still slipping back into acting out, I found that the more I turned to Christ, even while I still felt I was a mess, the more He blessed me and comforted me. Even so, I didn’t automatically start turning to the Savior every time I was tempted. It took time to develop trust in Him, and time to develop the habit of relying on Him, but the more often I tried, the easier it became.
The Amazing Power of Surrendering to Christ
A marvelously liberating principle fell into place when reading in the SA White Book. Instead of automatically surrendering to temptation, as I had done for years, I needed to surrender the temptation to the Lord and ask Him to take it away. Could it really be that simple? It seemed too easy, but I had already tried all the hard ways, and they didn’t work. What could it hurt to give “surrendering” a try?
My attempts were rewarded, for I found, as Alma did, that I could cry out to Jesus for mercy (Alma 36:18-19; 38:8). Each time I found myself being tempted, I began to say: “Lord, I am powerless over this temptation. I need you to take it from me. Please take it away and keep me safe from sin.” As I began asking the Lord to take each temptation away, I found to my great amazement and relief that “God could and would, if He were sought” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 60).
What an amazing difference! Instead of automatically giving in each time the enticement to sin was thrown at me, I found I could surrender the temptation to the Lord and not give in. Frequently I have had to surrender a temptation several times until I succeeded in letting it go, but I have found that if I persist in giving each temptation to the Lord, over and over, for as long as it takes, I am delivered every time.
As I continued this practice, I began to have more and more success in allowing the Lord to take from me temptations I encountered in my daily activities – such as the temptation to rent a pornographic video or get on the Internet and surf for pornography. Then, since no new filth was coming into my brain, the adversary of my soul started calling to my mind images I had stored in my brain over the many years I indulged in this terrible addiction. After all, the mind retains everything we experience, and I had willingly put lots of garbage into my mind that could be called up at any time.
In trying to deal with this new assault, I found I could apply the same principle of surrendering my thoughts to the Lord. After all, He said: “Look unto me in every thought” (D&C 6:36). I didn’t really want to admit to the Lord what some of my thoughts were (as if He didn’t know already!), but I was desperate, so I tried surrendering my memories, too. “Dear Savior, I have put some awful images into my mind, and right now I am struggling with this one. Would you please take it out of my mind so I don’t have to dwell on it?” And He would! With rejoicing, I realized I had finally found a way the Lord and I together could win a victory over temptation. My surrender and the Lord’s strength made it possible. As the apostle Paul stated:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
Again, the Lord is the One who makes the “way to escape.” In fact, He is “the Way.” As He said to his apostles anciently, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me” (John 14:6). And no man escapeth addiction but by Him, either. I could not do this on my own. But there was still another lesson I needed to learn from this scripture. The apostle Paul said the Lord would prepare a way to escape, “that ye may be able to bear it.”
Even with the Lord preparing a way for me, there was still something I had “to bear.” I still had to exert whatever willpower or agency I possessed, but now it was suddenly possible. It seemed that either the intensity of the temptation was lowered, or something had been added to my previously inadequate ability to resist. Miraculously I saw myself begin to say “No” to the temptations. What a glorious feeling that brought! Gradually, I regained the hope that I was not condemned to repeat the sin over and over for the rest of my life. There was a way out.
I found it to be challenging to remember (and to want) to surrender to the Lord each time I was tempted to lust, but I also found that the Lord was willing to help me long before I could do it well. As I have struggled to surrender my will more completely to Him, the Lord has made it possible for me to give up the “right” to indulge in pornography, one step at a time. Each sacrifice of my will for His has been accepted and rewarded with an increase in “sobriety.”
It is my testimony that as we offer the Lord whatever shred of agency we have left, He will take it and make it more. Perhaps we only have the courage or strength to cry for help, as Alma did, but we must do it. He will work with whatever we have, if we are willing to give it to Him. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell said:
Only by aligning our wills with God’s is full happiness to be found. Anything less results in a lesser portion (see Alma 12:10-11). The Lord will work with us even if, at first, we “can no more than desire” but are willing to “give place for a portion of [His] words” (Alma 32:27). A small foothold is all He needs! But we must desire and provide it. (Ensign, Nov. 1995, 23)
In Twelve Step circles, this is called “being willing to be willing.” Maybe we don’t have the willingness to give up the sin yet, but if we can summon the willingness to approach the Lord, and offer Him whatever willingness we have, He will help us. We can say: “Dear Savior, I know I need to give this up, but I just don’t want to. But if you will soften my heart and give me the willingness, I will do it.”
Alma’s experience gave me a new understanding of the word “remission.” I thought of a cancer, growing and spreading throughout the body, making it sicker and sicker, gradually robbing it of strength and vitality. Then help comes, perhaps in the form of medical treatment or maybe by divine intervention, and the cancer stops its advance, and even retreats.
We say the cancer is “in remission.” It no longer threatens. The potential for a recurrence may still be there, but for the present it is quiet. So it is with sin. Although we never lose the possibility of sin, through the Lord’s mercy, we can experience a “remission” of our sins. They can become dormant, inactive, and no longer threatening.
Making the Decision to Surrender Our Will
Step Three says, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.” It’s important to remember that this is a decision. It is a decision I have to make over and over again, because the opportunities to exercise my agency keep coming up over and over. And in that process, I am repeatedly tempted to follow my own will, to do what I want instead of what God wants. I have to admit I sometimes still want things that are not God’s best choice for me. The decision to submit my will to His has to be continually re-made, many times each day, and each time it is a matter of choosing life, instead of death:
And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free. He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you. (Helaman 14:30-31)
I can’t overemphasize how important, how central, this decision is – to surrendering our will to the Lord. We think we make many sacrifices in our attempts to be obedient to the gospel. In truth there is only one sacrifice, although we make it over and over again. Quoting again from Elder Maxwell:
In conclusion, the submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we “give,” brothers and sisters, are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give! (Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign, Nov. 1995, 24)
It is an amazing principle that when we give up our agency to God, we receive greater power in return. It is one of those principles that sound so paradoxical, like “the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen” (Matthew 20:16), and “He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it” (Matthew 10:39). Nevertheless, even if it sounds paradoxical, it is true. We have the Lord’s word on it.
In each stage of my journey toward recovery, I have found there was something in front of me that, deep inside, I knew I needed to do, some step forward that the Lord, through His Spirit, was inviting me to take. Often I didn’t have the courage or the willingness to do it, but I found that if I talked to Him and asked Him to soften my heart, before long I found the willingness to go ahead and take that next step.
Before surrendering my heart to the Lord, it was as if the door was locked, bolted and barred. There was no way I could get through it. But when I called upon the Lord, offered Him my heart, and asked Him to change it, the door was suddenly open; I could see my way to walk through it. I suddenly felt, “I can do this or not. I have the power to choose.”
I have learned that my recovery absolutely depends on my willingness to walk through the door when it opens. Christ will open the door, but He will not push me through it; I have to walk through it myself. The Prophet Joseph Smith said: “I made this my rule: When the Lord commands, do it” (History of the Church 2:170). For me, that translates to, “When the Lord shows you a path and gives you the power to take it, do it.”
Making the Most of This Chapter
Please take time to answer the following questions in your recovery journal.
1. Write about any fears you have about surrendering your will to the Lord. What are the thoughts or feelings holding you back? What do you think your life would be like if you surrendered your complete will to Him?
2. Think of someone you feel has surrendered his life to God, such as one of the General Authorities, or perhaps a personal acquaintance. What is that person like? What is his/her personality? Has this “surrender” made him/her lifeless and robot-like, or does he/she strike you as real and vibrant?
3. In Mosiah 15:7 we read about “the will of the Son being swallowed up in the will of the Father.” Do you see Jesus as a person with no will of His own? How has surrendering His will to the will of His Father affected the Savior’s life? How did it affect His ability to fulfill His earthly mission?
4. Write about the difference between surrendering your addiction to the Lord and surrendering your whole life to Him. What other areas of your life might need to be surrendered to the Lord? Are you able to see this surrender process as something you can undertake, one step at a time?
5. Write another letter to the Savior in your recovery journal. Express to Him your feelings about turning over your life and will to Him. Tell Him about any fears you have. Continue writing about how you feel after you have expressed these feelings. If you feel a response from Him, write that, too.
Next Week-Chapter 7: Step Three and a Half
Clean Hands, Pure Heart by Philip A. Harrison, and its companion LDS 12 Step book, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage by Colleen C. Harrison, are available at most LDS bookstores and can be ordered online at www.ldscloseouts.com or www.rosehavenpublishing.com
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