At Home

Guess who’s coming to dinner? Your family, that’s who! Is this the way it is at your house, or is gathering your family at mealtime just some impossible dream? Let’s talk about it.

Recently a grocery store chain in Salt Lake City used plastic bags labeled:

Help your children avoid drug and alcohol abuse

A Wall Street Journal article states: There is an astonishingly large-and growing-pile of research that suggests that families will be much better for the experience of eating together. Study after study finds that kids who eat dinner with their families regularly are better students, healthier people, and less likely to smoke, drink or use drugs than those who don’t. A University of Michigan study of children ages 3 through 12, for example, found that more meal time with the family was the single strongest predictor of better achievement scores and fewer behavioral problems-even better than time spent studying or in church. (Hilary Stout, Wall Street Journal, 11 Nov. 2004, D8.)

This information was underscored by Elder Dallin H. Oaks when he referred to a similar study by stating: “The number of those who report that their ‘whole family usually eats dinner together’ has declined 33 percent. This is most concerning because the time a family spends together ‘eating meals at home [is] the strongest predictor of children’s academic achievement and psychological adjustment.’ Family mealtimes have also been shown to be a strong bulwark against children’s smoking, drinking, or using drugs. There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents: what your children really want for dinner is you.” (October General Conference, 2007, emphasis added)

Most parents would agree that eating together as a family blesses the lives of everyone involved in many ways, but how can you make it happen? How can you get family members together for meals with their varying work, school, and activity schedules? It’s a challenge well worth meeting.

One mother with teenagers and college students says, “I cook and they come.” She adds, “We have most of our family together most of the time for dinner. On Sundays, particularly, the entire family is almost always home for dinner.”

Good food is the main attraction, of course, but that’s not the only enticement. Eating is more than just survival. It’s also about sociality and enjoyable conversation. Eating together should be a pleasant experience for everyone. At your table each person represents a body and a soul and both need to be nourished. Just as good food strengthens the body, good conversation around the table enlivens the soul.

Therefore, along with serving nourishing food, as a parent you can do much to enrich the lives of family members by making edifying conversation an important element of the dinner hour.

Gently guide your family toward topics that are pleasant and interesting. In other words, don’t engage in conversation that is unappetizing, embarrassing, hurtful, controversial, or upsetting. Complaints and criticisms are off limits. (Such issues should be discussed, but it’s better if they are written up and put in a “Family Suggestion Box” to be addressed at a more appropriate time and place.)

Now, if yours is a talkative family where everyone has so much to say that one almost has to raise his hand to make a comment, you might have to play referee to keep things in control. But if the people around your table could use a few suggestions about conversation starters, here is a list of table talk boosters:

*What made you happy today?
*What has been the best thing of your day?
*What have you done today that was so enjoyable you’d like to repeat it?
*What have you learned today?”
*Have you helped anyone today?

*Or you might introduce such open-ended topics as:
**How do you feel about _________(fill in the blank).
**What in your life has made you feel “I’m glad I did______________?” When have you felt “I wish I had___________?” (fill in the blanks)
**If you could have three wishes, what would they be? And why?
**If you could get on a magic carpet and go anywhere in the world, where would it be? Explain why you would want to go there?
**Tell us your favorite main dish, vegetable, fruit, or dessert.

*Take turns around the table saying the Articles of Faith from memory, or the books of the Bible or the Book of Mormon.

*Select a scripture of the week to be recited each day. On Sunday discuss situations

that illustrate application of that scripture.

*Make a game of matching US states and capitol cities. Move beyond the borders and do the same for countries and capitol cities. Name the 7 major continents (North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Asia, Australia , and Antarctica.), or list the 4 oceans (Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, and Arctic ). There is lots of geographical information that is interesting to know.

*Trivia can make for fun table talk. You could even have your own family “Jeopardy” program, complete with treats and honors to the “experts.”