We have a new topic today, but first there are a few last letters for “Tired of the Dad I Love,” the gentleman whose father could find nothing praiseworthy about his son. Let’s get right to those last letters, and then we’ll start our new topic:

Having been raised in a similar situation, with a mother from that same generation as “Tired’s,” I wonder if it isn’t something with our parents’ age. My mother’s biggest concern growing up was something she said to me every day: “What will people think?” Whether it was my clothes, the way I walked, my grammar, the concern was, What will other people think of you?

Or rather, What would people think of  her, as my mother. That was the other refrain: “I don’t want people to think I’m a bad mother, so you need to …”

She wasn’t worried about what I thought, or even what God thought, but she was obsessed that she appeared to be a perfect woman with perfect children. (At home, she was extremely manipulative and even abusive to my father. He’d just sit and nod with a “Yes, dear.”)

I’ve learned to be worried about the opinion of only one being: God. If I feel at peace with Him, then I’ll dismiss anything my mother says (easier said than done, but-you know).

I also frequently tell my children, “I don’t care what anyone thinks, but your Heavenly Father. His is the only opinion that matters.”

Chided, Too

Yours was the only letter that pointed out, Chided, that this could be a generational thing. It’s worth considering. Thanks for writing.

This will be short. “Tired,” have you considered that your father may be mentally ill? I’m not an expert, but his behavior seems beyond just quirky. Has he been this way since you were a child, or is this more
recent behavior? Did some life event precipitate his extreme behavior?

Although there may be no way to get him to see someone about it, you may be able to cope better by finding compassion for him.

S. Brown

Although “Tired” wrote in last week to assure us that his father is not mentally ill, your comment is worth noting because that could be the case with many other parents. I know that my own father showed all the characteristics of being bipolar. He was never diagnosed, but his highs were as scary as his lows. I couldn’t stand to be around him. It was only after he died that I read that bipolar disorder can be caused by something as simple as a potassium imbalance. Since then, I’ve wondered if I spent all those years loathing my father simply because he didn’t eat enough bananas.

Few situations have a simple explanation. It’s always wise to try to look at a situation from every angle to see if we can make progress in figuring out what is going on and if we can help.

Reading all of the comments regarding overbearing parents reminded me of a story told by the teacher of our stake’s Friday morning Book of Mormon class. A man communicated to a general authority that he was being denied a temple recommend because he had a beard. The general authority investigated and found that the man’s stake president had declared that no man in his stake with facial hair would be allowed a temple recommend. So guess which stake had a new stake president shortly thereafter?

To the brother who wrote the original question, I have to ask – has he ever asked his father if he thinks all the previous church leaders who had beards are going to hell?

Sharee

That’s a good question, Sharee. I’m betting “Tired” has asked that question on numerous occasions, but on the off chance he hasn’t, that might be something he’d want to try.

Okay, friends and neighbors. Here is today’s topic. It’s a quick question, but something that is apparently becoming a worldwide phenomenon:

One topic that is currently receiving a lot of attention in our failing economies is that of immigration.

How should we as Latter-day Saints treat immigrants/illegal immigrants?Does it make a difference if they are LDS or not?

By what methods should we as Latter-day Saints protect domestic jobs?

Vim

United Kingdom

Okay, Vim. Your question has been asked. Readers, do you have any ideas on the subject?

By the way, if you are an immigrant, how are you being treated? Do you think people should overlook your status if you are (or were) an illegal? What are your views on the subject?

Send your letters to [email protected]“>[email protected]. DO NOT USE THE FORM ON THIS PAGE, BECAUSE THINGS GET LOST THAT WAY. JUST USE THIS EMAIL ADDRESS! Be sure to put a subject on it so I’ll know it isn’t spam. 

Until next week – Kathy

“Remember, remember always that all of us, and you and I especially,

are descended from immigrants and revolutionists.”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

 

Want more Kathryn H. Kidd? Visit www.planetkathy.com to read her blog , get free stuff, and participate in the new Ask Madame Kathy forum. Kathy also has a weekly column at the Nauvoo Times (www.nauvootimes.com).