I think many people suffering from clinical depression would agree that one of the most frustrating and crucial battles associated with it is getting motivated to work, to do something, anything. It’s crucial because our self worth is, in large measure, derived from our actions, the impact that we have on the world.
Furthermore, when we are idle, we have a tendency to dwell on ourselves and our problems. It’s frustrating because we can easily get caught in a perpetual cycle of self-pity and apathy, leading to inaction and a continual worsening of our mental and emotional state.
This cycle will often lead to labels such as “lazy” or “inconsistent” from those around us. In time, I found, if something is not done, these labels will tend to stick to our minds and we start to actually believe them.
This eventually leads us to focus on the effects of the cycle, and not the cause. We try to be less “lazy” and more consistent, constantly meeting with failure due to the underlying lack of strong motivation, which in turns leads to more frustration, more anger, and more apathy and hopelessness.
The adversary would have us believe that we are helpless and that there is no way out. Often he succeeds. It is apparent that these cycles are damning in the literal sense, as they prevent us from growing and overcoming our weakness. Instead we turn and flee from them. As we do so, we are always growing weaker, while our perceived obstacles grow ever stronger as time goes on.
Is there a way out? Is there hope?
If you have faith, and are willing to humble yourself, all things are possible. Perhaps one of the most critical lessons I took from the mission field was that of how to break out of these cycles. It is not easy, but it is possible.
The Key
The key is to find, nurture, and follow an infallible motivation higher than yourself. In truth, there are many motivators that can be used, all of varying quality and wisdom. Almost all of them are fallible, however, and can lead to a vicious relapse.
When serving in the mission field, I often found myself a witness to a peculiar phenomenon. Let’s take two fictitious elders, Elder Brown and Elder Smith. Both are phenomenal missionaries from the get-go. They launch into their missions like celestial fireballs, they preach the gospel and cry repentance with boldness, diligence, and obedience. They touch the hearts of all they come in contact with, and they are honest, sincere, and hard workers. They seem unstoppable.
Eighteen months into their missions, though, something happens. Let’s say that each of these fine young men gets an unexpected wedding invitation from his girlfriend! The results? Elder Smith begins to slide into disobedience, idleness, and apathy. Elder Brown continues to go on and finishes his mission with honor, but Elder Smith is sent home dishonorably after 21 months.
The “Dear John” phenomenon can teach us a lot about the importance of having a proper and solid motivation. In the above example, both elders were strongly motivated to be their very best, The only difference is what that motivation was.
Elder Smith was motivated to be a rock-solid returned missionary husband to his high school sweetheart, to impress her and to fulfill her expectations of him. Elder Brown, on the other hand, was motivated by a desire to serve the Lord Jesus Christ, recognizing that no matter what happened, this motivation would never fail him.
As a result of their motivations, both elders responded completely differently to the same event occurring in their lives. The wedding invitation completely destroyed Elder Smith’s motivation for serving a mission in the first place. He had done all this work for 18 months for someone he couldn’t really count on and who had left him high and dry. Elder Brown, however, knew that the 18 months he put in so far weren’t for the girl back home, but for the Lord, and so he continued to press on, enduring to the end.
This example can be expanded and applied to any circumstances, including yours. I went through this process several times on my mission. My fallible motivators included things such as impressing the mission president, being an example to my friends back home, being an example to other missionaries, and so forth.
The Motivator
It wasn’t until my third mission president that I finally recognized the problem, as I constantly kept falling back into my vicious cycles of depression due to fallible motivations. It was only then that I realized that the motivator that I should have been using all this time was right there on my nametag. Jesus Christ.
My mission took off and my depression faded into the background when I decided that I would be motivated by the fact that the Savior wanted me to do my best. Unlike a relationship with any other person, a relationship with the Savior is completely unconditional, constant, and infallible. This is the beauty of the Atonement. No matter how many times we screw up, the Savior will forgive us and help us get back up on our feet.
This is why prayer and scripture study are so crucial if we are to be successful in surviving our depression. Constant communication strengthens our relationship with the Savior and helps us to increase our desire to serve him with all of our heart, might, mind and strength.
Similarly, if we eventually stop praying or studying the scriptures, it is much like the aforementioned elder when he stops writing his girlfriend, and therefore stops receiving mail from his girlfriend. We lose our desire to work because we’ve neglected the very relationship that motivated us to succeed.
