Cover image via LDS.org. 

When you think of Mary, the mother of Jesus, what images are conjured up? For me, it’s two: younger Mary, so pure and submissive to the will of the Lord, and older Mary, who’d lived through the horrors of life and came out shining brightly with the type of faith that shows why she was “highly favored of the Lord”.

Let me tell you a story that will magnify my love of this woman, whom I want to embrace in eternity and tell her how her courage kept me going.

I’d struggled to conceive. Not as much as some, so I don’t want to make it sound like a horrible trial. But, it took me five years. Not long by the accounts of most. But, as a young woman desperate to be a mother it felt like an eternity.

I was horribly sick during my pregnancy, the normal way, but something else too. It was a stuggle to do anything. The exhaustion was palpable. I told the doctors something was wrong, but they said there wasn’t. They were the doctors so I figured this must be how everyone feels during pregnancy. I must be weak and lazy. To counter that, I started memorizing passages on slothfulness to try to will myself to do things.

Then my sweet boy was born and all my efforts went into keeping him alive> That was all I managed and my feelings of failure grew like an inescapable tower.

Shortly after, I found the lump in my neck. Everyone said it was nothing. But it grew. I finally insisted on tests. I’m glad I did. I hadn’t been weak and lazy. There had been a large tumor on my thyroid that inhibited its function. This may sound silly, but I was relieved.

By this time my sweet boy was six months old. The surgery went smoothly. They’d only taken out half because 99% of thyroid tumors turn out to be benign. Mine was not.

It was cancer.

The surgeon was as shocked as I was. My husband was out of town. I remember sitting in that office, stunned, and looking over at my baby sitting on the exam table playing with the shapes I’d brought for him.

Somehow I misunderstood the surgeon when he told me the survival rate in ten years was 90%. In my shock, what I heard was the most I’d have to live was ten years. My boy I’d prayed to have for years wouldn’t even be out of elementary school. I was devastated.

Younger Mary

As soon as I could get my little one to bed, I pulled out my scriptures. The first passage I read was an account of Mary.

And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.

And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David: And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.

Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren. For with God nothing shall be impossible.

And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

Did you read that last part. “the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.” Really ponder what that meant for Mary. Even if they didn’t stone her, which was their right within the letter of the law, she knew there’d be other consequences.

She’d be ostracized. She’d lose the man she was espoused to. No one would go near her. She’d be a tainted, impure woman all her days. But Mary didn’t hesitate. She’d honor the God of Heaven no matter what He required of her—even if it meant losing everything.

I wanted my heart to respond that way. Tears trailed down my cheeks as I said the words aloud in my own private, agonized prayer. I told my God I would submit to whatever He called me to. I told Him I knew He was aware of the struggle of my heart and I’m having trouble meaning the words. Please help me mean them. I wanted to be like Mary. I wanted her courage in obedience.

Older Mary

After her son was born, they went to the temple to give the required sacrifice. That’s were they met Simeon, a devout man. The Holy Spirit revealed to him, he would not die before seeing the Savior of the world. Here’s what he said to Mary.

Then took he him up in his arms, and blessed God, and said, Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word: For mine eyes have seen thy salvation, Which thou hast prepared before the face of all people; A light to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel. And Joseph and his mother marvelled at those things which were spoken of him.

And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against; (Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.

Imagine such a prophecy being spoken about the child you loved. I’m certain a weight pulled on Mary throughout her days. There must have been whispers. Questions about her purity. Or maybe her sanity if she shared with others about the angel.

Then her son started doing things. Some called him a Messiah. Others a heretic. And in all of that she likely had those words reverberating in her heart. Even so, she daily went about her duties. She raised other children. She had faith in her Son, as evidenced at the wedding of Cana.

And then the soldiers came for him…

Every pounding of the nails through her son’s flesh must have pierced her soul, just as predicted. But did she abandon her faith in God?

The book of Acts tells us this:

Then returned they unto Jerusalem from the mount called Olivet, which is from Jerusalem a sabbath day’s journey. And when they were come in, they went up into an upper room, where abode both Peter, and James, and John, and Andrew, Philip, and Thomas, Bartholomew, and Matthew, James the son of Alphaeus, and Simon Zelotes, and Judas the brother of James. These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.

After watching her son suffer unimaginable torment. She didn’t raise her fists to heaven and say, “How dare you!”. Instead, she bowed her knees in prayer.

And just like the time the angel visited her in her youth, she still said in her heart, “Behold, the handmaiden of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.”

May we all worship Him the same way.