Relationships

Think freedom comes from flying solo? Think again.

In an age that often champions independence and self-fulfillment, a new wave of research is flipping the script: married mothers aren’t just managing—they’re flourishing.

Social researcher Jenet Erickson reveals that married mothers are twice as likely to say they’re “very happy” compared to single, childless women.

This compelling insight, recently released by the Wheatley Institute at Brigham Young University and featured in The Atlantic, challenges the reigning belief that autonomy is the ultimate path to fulfillment.

Erickson, a fellow at the Wheatley Institute and a scholar of family studies, argues that we’ve lost sight of a core truth: humans are relational beings, and deep, consistent connection—not isolation, pleasure-seeking autonomy, or “freedom from relationships”—nourishes the soul.

“Not only are married mothers more likely to be happy—they are twice as likely to be very happy,” Erickson emphasized. “We are deeply relational beings. We thrive in deep connection.”

Reclaiming the Narrative of Womanhood

For years, research suggested marriage benefited men more than women. Meanwhile, the dominant message seen in the media increasingly paints motherhood as a kind of existential sacrifice—an identity erasure.

Erickson says that narrative is misleading and incomplete.

“Children are really seen as a liability to your life,” she explained. “But what our research shows is the opposite. Being a married mother is linked not only to higher happiness, but also to less loneliness and greater meaning and purpose.”

Through a fresh look at the General Social Survey, Erickson and her research team highlight a quiet revelation many women are experiencing: that the path of marriage and motherhood, while not without its trials, brings profound emotional and spiritual fulfillment.

Tethered Yet Alone: Reclaiming Connection in a Disconnected World

One of the most interesting findings from the study involved physical touch. 

Erickson points to what she calls a national crisis of “touch hunger,” especially among unmarried men.

“The data is really clear: touch affects our cortisol levels and oxytocin production. It literally changes our hormone levels,” she noted.

Frequent physical affection—whether it’s a hug, a cuddle, or simply holding hands—is strongly linked to greater happiness. And for many, marriage is the most reliable source of that safe, nurturing touch.

It’s a powerful reminder: emotional wellness isn’t just shaped by our thoughts and beliefs—it’s also deeply influenced by the physical presence and touch of others.

Carrying It Alone: The Quiet Challenges and Courage of Single Motherhood

One of the most striking takeaways from my conversation with Jenet was her insight into a group that can be often overlooked—single mothers. While they tend to experience more loneliness and less physical affection, they also report a deeper sense of meaning and purpose than women without children.

“They unquestionably knew: ‘I matter, my life matters,’” Erickson said. “Even amid tremendous burdens, single mothers are grounded in purpose.”

The takeaway? When we step into the role of caring deeply for another—particularly a child who depends on us—we often find life’s greatest sense of purpose and significance.

The Cultural Foundations of the Fertility Decline

Could our cultural choices today shape a demographic crisis tomorrow?

Jenet warns that declining rates of marriage and childbirth aren’t just personal matters—they have wide-reaching societal consequences. With countries like South Korea and Taiwan already grappling with demographic freefall, the U.S. may not be far behind.

“The real drop in fertility,” Erickson warns, “is the decrease in marriage.”

Despite popular belief, financial incentives in countries like Hungary and Sweden have failed to reverse declining birthrates. The real issue, Jenet suggested, is that we’ve culturally disconnected the idea of a “good life” from the act of having and raising children.

What Would it Take to Turn Things Around?

When I asked Jenet what she would change if she could wave a magic wand, her answer was immediate: we need to rebuild the cultural foundation that supports marriage.

“We need to rekindle the idea of what a ‘good enough’ marriage looks like and help young people see themselves as marriageable,” she said.

This means reshaping how we talk about relationships, family, and success—from social media to school curricula—and fostering environments where men and women are encouraged to and supported in building lasting bonds.

Reframing the Future with Hope

Erickson’s work reminds us that “freedom” isn’t the absence of obligation—it is actually the presence of purpose. In a society that has prized personal autonomy above all else, the emerging science of happiness suggests that commitment, not detachment, may be the key to well-being.

Marriage and motherhood may be demanding, but they offer something our screen-ridden world cannot: real human presence, real tactile connection, and real shared sacrifice (which can lead to real enduring joy).

“The people who need me, the people who depend upon me . . . there’s nothing like that for giving us a sense of meaning, identity, and purpose,” Erickson said.

Ultimately, it is love—raw, embodied, and relational—that offers the most profound healing and grounding in our increasingly disconnected world.

READ MORE about Jenet’s research here!

Editorial Note:
The author and researchers understand and acknowledge that not everyone is married or can have children, and they empathize with those in these situations. The research and this article are not intended to judge or shame any individual’s life choices or circumstances, but rather to share information gleaned from the research.