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Chains Made of Lies

Addiction is a terrible condition of spiritual bondage that undermines our agency and gradually enslaves us by dragging us deeper and deeper into a way of life based on lies. We who have experienced addiction of any kind know the feeling of suddenly realizing we are trapped, caught, enslaved. We can no longer picture life without our addiction. What we usually don’t perceive is that our bondage to evil began one subtle justification or rationalization at a time, one little lie at a time. Nephi clearly understood the connection between believing lies and becoming enslaved:

And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well-and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell. And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none-and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance. (2 Nephi 28:21-22)

From Nephi’s chilling warning, we see how subtly we can be bound by chains woven of the lies we hold onto-lies about life, about God, about ourselves and about others. Thus Satan, “the father of lies,” lays the groundwork for our addiction, and in fact, for all sin. Satan doesn’t want us to turn to God and find healing. He wants us to continue to stumble around, looking for happiness in all the wrong places. Thus, sin does not begin with behaviors, but with beliefs.

Lies That Have Kept Me from Turning to God

President James E. Faust spoke about the importance of having a close, personal relationship with the Lord:

Some time ago in South America, a seasoned group of outstanding missionaries was asked, “What is the greatest need in the world?” One wisely responded, “Is not the greatest need in all of the world for every person to have a personal, ongoing, daily, continuing relationship with Deity?” Having such a relationship can unchain the divinity within us, and nothing can make a greater difference in our lives as we come to know and understand our divine relationship with God and His Beloved Son, our Master. (Ensign, Jan. 1999, 2)

As I look back at my relationship with God during my youth and most of my adulthood, I see that most of my interactions with Him-or should I say, my avoidance of interaction with Him-was firmly rooted in the negative beliefs Satan had planted in my heart and mind concerning the nature of God. The most powerful way the adversary influenced me to avoid God was to lie to me about who God is and what He is like. Erroneous beliefs about the nature of God served to keep me in my addicted state, afraid to turn to the only true source of help. How could I have a relationship with a God I feared? It is only in undoing these lies that I have been able to finally come to God and be healed, first from the lies, then from the addiction those lies nurtured.

I have heard it said in Twelve Step circles, “If your picture of God is not helping you get sober, you may have to fire your old God and get a new one.” Said another way, “If your understanding of God is not helping you, you may need to come to a new understanding.” My recovery began when my understanding of God came to coincide more closely with the whole truth about Him-that He is a being of both perfect justice and of infinite mercy. The following are some of the false ideas about God that kept me running and hiding from Him for years. I am so grateful to be free of them today.

The Distant God

As a scientist, my academic training emphasized the operation of natural laws. At church I was taught that God also obeys and uses natural laws to accomplish His purposes. As I embarked upon the study of science, I enjoyed thinking of God as the greatest of all scientists. This picture of God gave legitimacy to my own choice of profession and I found it personally reassuring to think that life unfolded by rules one could count on.

This “logical” view of God can be taken too far, however. While many of my professors were faithful men who believed in God, some of them subscribed to the idea that God set up the world, then let it go. He didn’t interfere in the daily affairs of men, instead letting them get along the best they could. This is often referred to as the “watchmaker” concept of God-as if the world were a watch God made, set in motion, and then left to run by itself. The idea was that everything we need is already here, and that beyond a few general guidelines-like the Ten Commandments-we don’t need God’s interference or help in our lives. This philosophy gives rise to the lie:

God created the earth, but does not get involved in our personal lives. We are pretty much on our own here in mortality.

The Angry, Vengeful God

Even when I finally began to believe that God might sometimes get involved in our lives, I still wondered just what form that involvement would take. I often agonized: “What does He expect of me, and how upset with me will He be when I fall short?” It was not until I got into recovery that I began to admit how powerfully my assumptions about my Heavenly Father’s character were colored by my earthly father’s attitude toward me. For example, there were occasions when, as a child, I stopped off at this or that friend’s house instead of coming straight home after school as my parents expected me to. When I finally did get home, my mother would express her disappointment with me, but would leave me to wait for my father to come home and discipline me for my offense. Needless to say, I spent those afternoons filled with anxiety and dread of Dad’s arrival and the spanking I would often receive. Somewhere along the way, I began to feel the same way about God as I felt about my father. I was sure that “coming home” to God would also result in being punished. After all, I had certainly been a “bad boy” in my adult indiscretions. Thus, I came to believe this lie:

God is a stern disciplinarian who is angry with me because of my sins and weaknesses.

This seems to be a common belief among those who have become entangled in Satan’s traps. When we sin we naturally suffer the pangs of conscience that sin brings. Then Satan jumps in to exploit and exaggerate our fears and tell us lies about God that keep us from turning to Him for help. I think of Alma the Younger and how he dreaded coming into the presence of God because of the memory of his sins:

The very thought of coming into the presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror. Oh, thought I, that I could be banished and become extinct both soul and body, that I might not be brought to stand in the presence of my God, to be judged of my deeds. (Alma 36:14-15)

 What a trap Satan has constructed for keeping us in sin! First he entices us to commit the sin. Then he slams us with the greatest lie he can tell: That our only possible helper-the Lord-is an ogre! If we believe that, then Satan really has us, for he has cut us off from our only source of redemption.

I am sure the adversary is 100% responsible for this distorted picture of an angry God who delights in wrath. This concept has been handed down for centuries, even within our Christian culture. For example, I remember a sermon written by a Puritan preacher, Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758), which I was required to read in high school, entitled “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.”

The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours. You have offended him infinitely more than ever a stubborn rebel did his prince; and yet it is nothing but his hand that holds you from falling into the fire every moment.

Having already developed a number of faults, including a chronic problem with sexual self-gratification, I was understandably unsettled by that terrible description, and was very grateful that I belonged to a church that taught that God was merciful and kind. For some reason though, I was still persuaded by Satan’s lie that while God might be merciful and kind to others, when it came to me and my sins He felt more like the God Jonathan Edwards described. I was convinced that if God was not outright angry with me, He was at least very disappointed and probably outright disgusted. As a result, I avoided any consistent personal effort to approach God. I was sure I would only be met with rebuke. I once saw a bumper sticker that said: “Jesus is coming-and boy is He ticked!” I laughed, but inside I cringed. I was afraid that at least where His feelings toward me were concerned, that bumper sticker wasn’t far off the mark.

Under the influence of this lie, even my reading of the scriptures was twisted and confused. It seemed I couldn’t open them without finding a verse that portrayed God as angry and fearsome:

Remember, and forget not, how thou provokedst the Lord thy God to wrath in the wilderness: from the day that thou didst depart out of the land of Egypt, until ye came unto this place, ye have been rebellious against the Lord. Also in Horeb ye provoked the Lord to wrath, so that the Lord was angry with you to have destroyed you. (Deuteronomy 9:7-8)

For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. (Ephesians 5:5-6)

And [the wicked] said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb: For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand? (Revelation 6:16-17)

Verses like these totally eclipsed in my guilt-ridden mind the far more frequent verses that testify of God’s goodness, patience, and long-suffering nature.

The second segment of this chapter will be posted next week.

Clean Hands, Pure Heart by Philip A. Harrison, and its companion LDS 12 Step book, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage by Colleen C. Harrison, are available at most LDS bookstores and can be ordered online at www.rosehavenpublishing.com.