Cover image via Gospel Media Library.

Charles Dickens’ classic novel, A Tale of Two Cities, begins: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.”  His description is equally apt in describing the circumstances of the church today.

The beauty and power of the Restoration continue to unfold.  Many church members, aided by Come Follow Me, are more committed than ever before to immersing themselves in the scriptures and deepening their gospel understanding. There is an explosion of building, as temples dot the earth in fulfillment of prophetic utterances.

But the flip side is that the church is experiencing challenging times with respect to membership growth and retention.  Empty seats in chapels represent friends and family who no longer attend.  The internet has made criticisms of difficult issues in church history and policy widely available without checks on the accuracy of the information.  A worldwide sectarian drift has caused organized religion to become less important in daily life.

The focus of this essay is personal. I am a lifelong member of the church who is deeply engrained in the principles of the restored gospel and buoyed up by the “synergy of the saints.”  Several years ago, I gave a Sacrament Meeting talk on “what keeps me in church.”  It was cathartic to carefully examine myself and my motives as I prepared that talk.  I want to repeat that exercise in greater detail here.  More importantly, I challenge readers to go through the same process. Some of your reasons may be different than mine, but I suspect that many will be the same.

A similar topic was explored in two books edited by Robert A. Rees—Why I Stay: The Challenges of Discipleship for Contemporary Mormons. (2011 and 2021, Signature Books). These two volumes included essays by a wide variety of artists, writers, scientists, and public figures. Although many of the contributors provided traditional explanations, I was struck by how many answered the question of why they stay by re-defining the church and its doctrines according to their own circumstances. They seemed to pick and choose from a smorgasbord to carve out their own domain of acceptability.

One additional thought that is important. There is a distinction between church and gospel. It is useful to consider the church as a means and not an end. The end is our relationship to God and Christ and achieving our eternal destiny. The church is the vehicle to help us get there. Harold B. Lee described the distinction by saying that “the church is the scaffolding with which we build eternal families.” It is our support structure. The focus in this essay is on the church.

Before I share my anchors, as a contrast, I want to consider some of the factors that cause people to depart the faith. The discussion is brief and the categories are not exhaustive, but they may be useful as a starting point.  Again, I invite the reader to consider their personal experience and that of family and friends who are now represented by those empty seats in the chapel on Sunday.

What Causes Church Members to Leave?

Personal weakness and sins.  A simplistic, but widely held notion by many active members of the church is that those who have disaffiliated did so because they were unable or unwilling to live by the standards required for full participation in the church.  Undoubtedly there are some who fit this category, but it is far from being the only reason.

Bad examples.  We expect a high standard of behavior from our church leaders. If they are perceived as having slipped from their pedestals, it is easy to become disillusioned and to generalize that it is a failure of the institution if the church is considered as an end rather than the means to an end.

Being offended. Brigham Young said, “He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.” But not taking offense is easier said than done when our tender egos are involved or, worse, when we perceive that our children or spouse has been slighted.  The famous story of Thomas Marsh leaving the church because of criticism of his wife about cream content in milk has been played out with variations thousands of times.   

Church doctrines and policies. Some leave because they can’t reconcile church doctrines and practices with their personal values and beliefs.  One wise friend of mine observed that although we may believe in God, we don’t like Him very much because of what He asks us to believe and do.  Others feel that they have been misled because what they were taught in Sunday School or seminary is too simplistic or biased.   They have concluded that inconsistencies and mistakes in doctrine and practice are fatal flaws.  There are also those who feel that, because of changes, the church has left them, rather than them leaving the church.

Loneliness in a crowd. The stereotypical church attendee is a mom and dad with children all decked out in traditional attire and keeping the commandments. But a substantial proportion of members don’t fit that description. Never-marrieds, single parents, low-income families, and those with “bad habits” may be uncomfortable in church meetings because they feel isolated or judged.

Hopelessness. For some, the issue is personal trials that incapacitate them physically, mentally, and/or financially. They have lost faith in the healing power of Christ’s atonement and the rejuvenation that can be achieved by fellowship with the saints. They don’t see the wisdom of President Nelson’s statement that “The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.

​The opposite—pride.  At the other extreme are those who are unwilling to be taught and guided. They have become a law unto themselves and have decided that they are their own moral agency. Like Korihor as recorded in Alma 30:17, they believe that “every man prospered according to his genius.”

Other priorities. Life is about choices. We decide how to allocate the scarce resource of our time. Church attendance can be crowded out by professional demands or recreational activities. I had a wise Bishop when I was a teenager. One day he observed that the first time we miss church we may feel remorse, but each subsequent time makes it easier.  Not a particularly profound statement, but it has influenced me for decades.

Planned prodigalism. I have friends and relatives who are absent from church on Sunday but view their circumstances as temporary and plan to return at some future time after they have had the opportunity to eat, drink, and be merry. The parable of the rich man found in Luke 12 who is told by God that “this night thy soul shall be required of thee” suggests that this is a risky strategy.

These forces work in combination to weaken faith and promote disaffection from the church. One of the most perceptive descriptions of this process is found in 2 Nephi 26:22. Speaking of the devil, Nephi warns, “he leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever.”  The analogy is fitting.  A single flaxen cord is easily broken, but as the number of cords increases, the binding power becomes stronger and, ultimately, unescapable.

What Keeps Me in Church on Sunday?

​Personal testimony.  I believe–that is my starting point.  To borrow a famous phrase from Hugh B. Brown, “undergirding and overarching all the rest”– it’s true. But testimonies are fragile. A testimony gained is not always a testimony retained. Harold B. Lee warned that “Your testimony is as elusive as a moonbeam; it is as fragile as an orchid.”  The comparison to a moonbeam is particularly descriptive. Moonbeams exist because of the light of the sun reflecting from the moon. When the light of the sun (Son) is no longer there, the moonbeam ceases to exist.

President Lee went on to say, “That which you possess today in testimony will not be yours tomorrow unless you do something about it.” Our testimonies need to be buttressed by other factors in our lives, much as huge buttresses were used by the great cathedrals of Europe to prevent them from collapsing under their own weight.

Contemplation of Christ. In 2 Nephi 25:26, Nephi says, “And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ…” Church meetings, especially Sacrament Meeting, are Christ-centered.  In particular, the Sacrament gives me the opportunity to focus on the passion of Christ and his redemptive mission. It’s a designated time when I can evaluate my life and unite with others in feeling the love of the Savior.

Past experiences. One of my favorite scriptural verses is Alma 5:26 which says, in part, “If ye have experienced a change of heart…. can ye feel so now?” We are products of our history.  I cherish my two missions, my church callings, my gospel understanding, and my special spiritual experiences. To abandon them would be to cast aside much of who I am today.

Alma seems to be challenging us to look back on our lives and use them to evaluate where we are now.  I like to think of this verse as asking us to reflect on our “personal bests”, much as an athlete might do. Where are we now compared to our spiritual peaks? As an aside, journal keeping can be an important part of this process. The impact of our spiritual experiences tends to fade over time, but journal entries can help rekindle their impact.

Habit—I love the line from the primary hymn that says, “I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day Saints.” This is me and always has been. On Sunday, I never consider if I am going to church; it is a given. Not paying tithing is not an option. Living the Word of Wisdom is a given. My habits may make me a bit of an automaton, but, in this case, I am OK with that.  It works for me.

Association with the saints.  I look forward to my interactions with members of the church. My ward is an important part of my social life.  Sitting with my friends in church gives me joy and a special feeling of belonging.  I am surrounded by people I admire because of their goodness and by those who have persevered and overcome obstacles. And I am strengthened knowing that they will have my back in times of need. Each Sunday, I experience the “synergy of the saints.”

​​​Opportunities for personal growth. Over the years I have had many opportunities to teach and to lead because of church callings. They have had a tremendous impact on my personal development. Many years ago, I received a call to be a member of a Stake Presidency. The teaching, speaking, and leadership skills I developed there were invaluable in preparing me for later opportunities in my profession and in public service.

Gospel insights for daily life. My connection to the church has a daily influence on my thinking and my behavior.  There are decisions I made decades ago that I don’t have to remake when the situation occurs today.  My worldview reflects the teachings of the restored gospel.

​Help in overcoming personal flaws. I had a close friend in college who once remarked that it is his sins that keep him in the church.  I found that perplexing at the time because it seemed that it is our sins that drive us from the church.  But now I understand.  I am weak and need help to improve. The atonement and the support of others in the church strengthen me.

Gratitude for blessings.  I have been blessed in my life. It would be presumptuous to spell out those blessings here, but I am grateful in so many ways.  Many of those blessings are directly tied to the church. I feel a desire and obligation to “pay it forward.”

Example.  I stand at the head (at least age-wise) of a family with wonderful children and grandchildren.  I have an obligation to provide an example of fidelity to the church that will strengthen them. They will make their own choices, but I hope that my life will influence them to follow the path I have chosen.

Meaning to life. My family goes back in the church to the 1860s, but Boyd K. Packer taught that “Your pedigree has just one line—you are a child of God.”  I disappoint myself daily because, as the saying goes, “why do I do what I do, when I know what I know?” But at least I know what I know and so my life has purpose. Even though I consistently fall short, I have the Liahona of the gospel to give me direction. In particular, understanding the plan of salvation helps me to know who I am and gives me an expansive understanding of the purpose of life.

Individual integrity. I made sacred covenants at baptism, during the temple endowment, and at the alter with my wife. Those are not to be taken lightly. I made promises before God, angels, and witnesses.  If I am to be a person of integrity, I have an obligation to strive to keep those covenants.

Finally                                                       

John 6:68 is a verse that is continually on my mind.  Jesus had taught difficult things to the people and the scriptures record that there were many who no longer walked with Him.  He turned to Peter and asked if he would also turn away.  Peter’s unequivocal response was, “Lord, to whom shall we go?  Thou hast the words of eternal life.” If Peter rejected the Lord, what could possibly fill the void. I feel the same way. There is no other viable option. Life would be less meaningful without the church.  I often consider choices in terms of a benefit/cost analysis.  For me, the benefits of being in church on Sunday vastly exceed the costs.

But I also realize my vulnerability.  Many much stronger than I have lost their way. I don’t write with any sense of smugness or certainty, just the hope that I will endure to the end.  Valued reader, how would you answer the question, “What keeps You in church on Sunday?” Not what got you there years ago, but what keeps you there today?