Our youngest daughter and her husband picked us up from the airport after serving three years as mission leaders in the Dominican Republic.  We had missed a lot of milestones during our service, but we would soon discover we had returned just in time to celebrate a very special one.  At 26-years of age, our daughter, Mikan, was expecting her second child.  I was thrilled we would be home for the birth.

After a series of long-awaited hugs and ample tears, Mikan shared some news.  “The doctor called this morning,” she announced.

“This morning?  On the way to the airport?” I asked, more than curious.  “What did she say?”

“The baby has Down’s Syndrome.”

“Your baby?  The one you’re carrying?”

“Yep, the very one.”

We have since discovered that everybody seems to know somebody with Down’s Syndrome, but at the time of this announcement, we didn’t.  In our ignorance we had some preconceived notions that were very uninformed.  However, still on a spiritual high from our missionary service, I had complete faith that this baby was a gift from the Lord would be a blessing in our family.

“What a delightful surprise!” I said, “Who would have imagined?”

As rare as it is for a 26-year-old mother to give birth to a baby with Down Syndrome, we experienced a phenomenon even more rare.  Three years after our granddaughter was born with Down Syndrome, our son’s wife gave birth to a little boy with Down Syndrome!  We only have 14 grandchildren and two of them have Down Syndrome.  A statistician could explain how rare this is.  Down Syndrome is not a genetic condition and it doesn’t run in families.  We figured The Lord must have a well-thought-out plan to bless us with two grandchildren who have Down Syndrome.  Indeed, the arrival of these two little spirits has greatly blessed our family.

No Pride

We adore our two little “Downsies,” as their dads call them, and have learned so much from them.  One thing we have learned is how to love with abandon.  Our granddaughter, Brookie, has a way of making everybody she meets feel loved.  She runs toward us when we enter a room, throws her arms around our neck and hugs with a strength that astounds us.  She doesn’t let pride get in the way of showing her love, she lets all her love flow, holding back nothing.

Occasionally she will single out a total stranger to engage.  One day while at Sam’s Club a very large black woman walked down the aisle.  Brookie perked up and smiled and waved at her.  The woman paused and responded, “Well, aren’t you the prettiest little thing.”  Brookie, who is still non-verbal, reached her arms out to give the lady a hug.  The stranger melted, and happily received the hug.  “You just made me feel so loved,” she said.  My daughter spoke the words Brookie couldn’t speak, “You are loved.  She is here to show you.”  When it was time to leave Brookie put her hand to her mouth and blew the woman a kiss.

I want to be just like my little granddaughter, not worrying about whether my love will be rejected, or if I will be loved in return, not worrying about myself, but just wanting the other person to feel loved.  Although I’m not cute enough to go around hugging strangers, I can always smile and wave.

No Rush

These special spirits have taught us to how to stop evaluating one another, and just enjoy one another.   While raising my own children, I was too worried about whether my child was reaching his milestone on time to enjoy each milestone.  I studied charts, and read about child development, anxious to be reassured that my child compared favorably to other children his age.  I felt more like the director of a play rather than a member of the audience.  I wasn’t able to sit and watch with wonder.  I was concerned that everybody was pulling off their part correctly.  Brookie and her cousin Reuben, have reminded me that everybody progresses at their own rate.  It is my privilege to love them wherever they are, and not to panic about when they will reach certain goals.

Brookie and Reuben will not reach milestones at the same time that “typical” children do.  In fact, there really isn’t a “typical” child with Down Syndrome.  They are all so different and progress at different rates, and in different ways.  Brookie was over two years old and still could not walk.  Her mother was becoming exasperated when, out of the blue, she received a phone call from a friend who has a teenage daughter with Down Syndrome.  Mikan expressed her concern, and the friend reassured her: “She’s not going to crawl her whole life.  She will eventually learn to walk.”  We all relaxed, and remembered to watch the play, rather than direct it.

In the past, the mortal constraint of time made me impatient and got in the way of my ability to accept what was.  As time has marched on, I have been able to relax and allow others more grace as they attain goals on their own timetable.   At the same time, I have become less frenzied about reaching my own goals.

No Bother

We have marveled at how demanding our grandchildren with Down Syndrome are not.  We expected them to want constant attention, to need to be held or entertained, when in fact they are very good at entertaining themselves, and in the simplest ways.  We don’t have to buy expensive toys or always arrange play dates.  Brookie is quite content to play with a box of tissues, and she doesn’t need us to sit next to her while she does it.  In fact, she is so easy going we have to pay careful attention to notice if she is upset.  She doesn’t scream or cry.  She simply gets a sad expression on her face and her eyes well with tears.  If we aren’t looking, we might not even notice that she is sad.

I’m certain my loved ones would appreciate it if I were less demanding, less needy, more content with what I have, completely okay with the time they spend with me.

The blessing of having two grandchildren, each with an extra chromosome, has shattered all my pre-conceived notions about Down Syndrome.  I imagine there are other pre-conceived notions I have held about what is a blessing, and what is not, that could be shattered as well.   The Lord clearly knows what’s best for us, and often his blessings will be a grand surprise.

JeaNette Goates Smith is a retired Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist living in Florida.  She recently returned from serving as a mission leader with her husband in the Dominican Republic.  Learn more about her books at www.smithfamilytherapy.org.