A silly experience from my daughter’s first ward primary presentation taught me a simple lesson with far reaching implications and has provided me with great spiritual comfort. The insight gained through this experience has brought consolation to my heart many times as I fumble my way through parenthood. An inconsequential sequence of events had a twist ending that provided me with a clearer understanding of the role of a parent in our children’s spiritual development and progress.
I have found so much peace in knowing that if we love our children deeply and point them to Christ for the things that require superhuman aid, He will always do what is best for them when they reach out for Him. We can point them to Christ with indubitable confidence that He will validate our claims about Him. Trusting in this can be one of parenthood’s great challenges, but developing full confidence in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for the care of our children can increase our faith in Him and liberate us from paralyzing worry and fear.
I had no idea what a ward primary presentation was until my daughter took part in one. I was a recent convert, and it can take a while for a new member to catch up on even the basics of church organization and vernacular. In addition to being a very recent convert, I was still learning Spanish. This was a challenge since we lived in Mexico. I only understood about 70% of what people were saying most of the time (but most people did not seem to realize that).
Charlotte was four years old when she participated for the first time in a ward primary presentation. I understood that this primary presentation was not a cataclysmic or future-prognosticating event. But (like any mother of a young child) I worried that she would have a humiliating experience. Charlotte was showing significant delays in language development for her age. Her spoken vocabulary was minimal, and many of the words she did use were Spanglish. She could speak some English and some Spanish, but she preferred not to speak much at all. She did understand both languages well. She was too young to be able to read her part for the presentation, so we decided to try to memorize it.
We practiced her part for the program as often as we could… More accurately, I practiced her part for the program often by reading it to her over and over and over. I read it and urged her to repeat either all or parts of the sentence. She refused to repeat the words, and she seemed completely unconcerned about the possibility of public humiliation. Day after day I encouraged her, but she was not even remotely interested in practicing the line. Based on her affectless demeanor, I believed that she did not know the words of her part and did not care to.
She entered the chapel on the morning of the presentation with the usual dispassion. When it was her turn, she went to the podium. She stood there and waited until the primary leader came to the podium and then repeated the words in fragments at a scarcely audible volume (while rolling her eyes). On a positive note, it was a huge relief that she was not self-conscious about participating in the presentation. Her indifference was enough to smother any possibility of humiliation. Her less than stellar performance was quite comical. But I was a little sad that I had not been able to effectively teach her a fundamental gospel principle. I knew that it was early in her life, and we had a lot more things on our plate, so I did not dwell. I just prayed that she would not always be indifferent to gospel learning and/or that I would know how to improve my approach to gospel study and teaching in the home. On the day of the program, I congratulated her, and it was never mentioned again. A couple of months passed, and I had not given the primary presentation another thought.
We were very diligent with daily scripture study. Some days we would read aloud together and some days in silence. Most days it was a combination of the two. On silent reading days, I would read the Scriptures and Charlotte would quietly pretend to read the small pamphlets that the missionaries had given to me while I was preparing for baptism. Charlotte insisted that these pamphlets were for children because they were small and according to her, “Adults use big books.” She loved to look through those little pamphlets.
One unremarkable evening during our regular study time she was “reading” the pamphlets, which were in English. When she did not realize I was paying attention, she pretended to read the following words from the English pamphlet: “Jesucristo restauró la plenitud del evangelio por medio de José Smith.” I knew she was not able to read and that the pamphlet that she was faux reading was in English anyway. She had just said her part for the primary program from memory, with clarity and precision: “Jesus Christ restored the fullness of the gospel through Joseph Smith.”
I’m not 100% certain why her response was so delayed. She had not seemed fearful when speaking in front of people in general. Perhaps she simply did not feel confident with those words. It is also possible that we had recently come across something in our scripture study or in church that had connected dots in her mind to provide a framework for actually understanding the significance of the words she was saying. Whatever the reason for the delay and eventual recitation of the line, I was ecstatic that she had expressed herself when she was ready to: in her own time, at her own pace and unsolicited. I realized that she had been listening to me as I had droned on repeating the same short phrase over and over months before. Even though I had not realized it, the important phrase about the role of Joseph Smith in the restoration of the fullness of the gospel was written on Charlotte’s heart and she had remembered it months later (even after I had forgotten the exact wording!). It was only one simple sentence. But it was an important sentence for her to know. And I began to trust that she would continue to learn line upon line, precept upon precept, like the rest of us do.
Since then, I have found overwhelming evidence that Charlotte listens to what we are reading and studying about Jesus Christ and His gospel. I would venture to say that she even likes it. When she was 6 years old, I felt discouraged that we were six months into the year of daily Come Follow Me study and it did not seem like she had listened to a word I said. One day while cleaning, I stumbled across a secret stash of drawings that illustrated stories of Jesus’ life that we had read over the past several months. She had been drawing them after the lessons every week. Her pictures had impressive details from stories we had studied. She had been listening, and she understood and even enjoyed the stories about Jesus, His life and His followers.
Of course, she did not want me to know that she really enjoyed the lessons for some reason, but I was ok with that. As long as she enjoyed gospel learning I was willing to put up with some six-year-old “bratitude”. I know that despite my greatest efforts and prayers, I will not be everything that Charlotte needs in this life or the next. She needs me to be the best mother I can be. But who she needs even more is Jesus Christ, the Savior of the whole earth. She needs the Holy Ghost and she needs Heavenly Father to tend to her life and growth. My job is to love her and testify of them over and over, even if it seems like she is not listening.
Some of the most beautiful stories of redemption in the Book of Mormon are accounts of sons who remember the words of their fathers, years after their fathers had spoken them.
We read in Enos 1:3 “And the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart.”
Who can forget Alma the Younger’s account of his conversion in Alma 36:17? “Behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.”
Nephi’s careful attention to his father’s words led him to seek knowledge and visions of the mysteries of God for himself, as we read in 1 Nephi 10:17 “And it came to pass after I, Nephi, having heard all the words of my father concerning the things which he saw in a vision, and also the things which he spake by the power of the Holy Ghost…—I, Nephi, was desirous also that I might see, and hear, and know of these things, by the power of the Holy Ghost…”
These are but a few of many encouraging Book of Mormon stories for parents with children, whether wayward or not. They seem to serve as beacons of hope on the stormy sea of child rearing. Through the Book of Mormon stories and from my own experience, I have come to know that if we testify of Christ and point our children to Christ, they will remember the things we have said about Him. It may be later than we hope or prefer, but our children will remember the words we often speak of Christ. As long as they know how to find Christ, they will be in great hands.