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My husband and I were enjoying dinner with friends at a favorite restaurant. During our conversation, Frieda mentioned that she and her husband Dave had met another couple while out of state and enjoyed getting acquainted with them. She told them that she and her husband owned a shooting range, and if this couple ever came to Utah, Frieda and Dave would love to take them there. The other woman paused, looked at Frieda oddly and said, “We didn’t know you were that kind of people.”

And just like that, Frieda and Dave were labeled by someone who barely knew them. Someone who apparently has issues with gun ownership. “That kind of people” sounds an awful lot like “us and them.” Like we’re drawing lines in the sand. Differences in lifestyle, culture, and political or religious opinion have always caused friction. But over the last few decades it seems we’ve gradually lost our ability to disagree without viewing the other party as unintelligent or dangerous.

Columnist Arthur C. Brooks calls this “… a culture of contempt,” saying that “social scientists define contempt as anger mixed with disgust. These two emotions form a toxic combination…” (1) It is apparent that contempt was an issue among the people of the Book of Mormon. Some of them “… began to persecute those that did not believe according to their own will and pleasure.” (Alma 4:8) In a powerful sermon, the prophet Alma posed the followings questions: “… will ye persist in supposing that ye are better one than another? … is there one among you that doth make a mock of his brother, or that heapeth upon him persecutions?” (Alma 5:54,30)

“This scripture was addressed to members of the church of Christ whose behavior belied their professions of discipleship… Just as God will not be mocked, so will he not have his children mock one another. To mock is to humiliate, ridicule, insult, revile, make fun of, deride, sneer at, scorn, or hold in contempt.” (2)

President Russell M. Nelson recently stated, “If you identify yourself by your political affiliation, you will instantly be categorized as having certain beliefs–though I don’t know anyone who believes everything that their preferred political party presently embraces… Ageism, racism, nationalism, sexism, and a host of other “isms” are universally limiting… The adversary rejoices in labels because they divide us… Any abuse or prejudice toward another because of nationality, race, sexual orientation, gender, educational degrees, culture, or other significant identifiers is offensive to our Maker!” (3)

Even if we don’t openly act on unkind feelings toward someone we perceive as different from us, making a mockery of others–even in our minds–is spiritually unhealthy. When we look down on anyone, when we are condescending, patronizing, or “holier-than-thou,” we are essentially saying to them, “You are that kind of people.” We restrain the Holy Spirit from being with us fully when we harbor unkind feelings toward one another.

So, where do we begin in our quest to end attitudes and actions of contempt toward our sisters and brothers? President Nelson shares an excellent first step: “I believe that if the Lord were speaking to you directly tonight, the first thing He would make sure you understand is your true identity… You are literally spirit children of God… I fear that you may have heard this truth so often that it sounds more like a slogan than divine truth…” (4)

As a natural result of developing a true testimony of our divine nature, we begin to recognize the worth of every human being.

Last year, I read a powerful story from a law enforcement officer who I’ll call Officer M. He has graciously allowed me to share his experience:

While on patrol one day, I responded to a medical call with another officer. The home, a rundown well-known drug house is frequently visited by law enforcement. We arrived to find a young female in full cardiac arrest–blue in color, eyes half open and glazed over, staring into space. Because EMS was still in route, I immediately began CPR. The scene was very chaotic as friends of the young patient were running around and crying. My fellow officer worked on trying to get everyone out of the way and began questioning the other individuals on the scene about the girl’s medical history and any possible drug use.

As I was performing CPR, I noticed a large scar running down the girl’s chest. As I continued CPR, vaguely aware of the scene around me, I overheard the patient’s friend say that this young woman, with a pacemaker and a heart condition, had used heroin just the night before. My arms started to get tired and sweat was building up on my head. I felt myself start judging this young woman. Why, with her health conditions, would she continue to get high?

Soon, EMS arrived and took over life-saving measures. I began to assist in securing the scene as the situation appeared to be moving toward a death investigation. A detective was called, the medical examiner was put on notice, and we secured the scene to protect any evidence. EMS found a faint pulse and transported the patient to the hospital.

As part of scene security, I was posted at the front of the house to keep anyone unauthorized from entering. All the witnesses (friends of the patient) were sitting in the front yard filling out statements for the investigation. These friends–most with homemade tattoos, filthy clothes and piercings–were living in a home where animals used the bathroom on the floor. There was spoiled food, dirty dishes, and clothing everywhere. They weren’t strangers to law enforcement. I myself had arrested a few of them in the recent past. All of them were visibly shaken and very emotional.

Again, I felt myself judging. Why are they crying? This is what happens when you choose this lifestyle! They can’t be that surprised. One young man was taking the whole situation particularly hard. He struggled with writing his statement, and my response was more jaded than compassionate. “It’s not that hard. You just write what happened and write it legibly so we can read it.”

It was about this time that a car pulled up. A nicely dressed elderly man in a suit and tie stepped out of the vehicle. One of the witnesses, in his dirty clothing and smoking a cigarette, saw the newcomer and walked with arms outstretched toward this man. Without hesitation, the elderly gentleman opened his arms and gave the young man a hug. Through his tears, the witness said, “Thanks for coming, Bishop.”

I was in shock. What kind of bishop would show up to a drug house, with all these troubled young people? It was doubtful that any of these individuals were ever at church, yet the bishop was well known to them. He was surrounded by haggard and suffering young people. He hugged and counseled each one, comforting them, and calling many by name. The mood at the scene changed and suddenly there was a palpable feeling of hope. It was then that I realized that the kind of bishop that would show up at a drug house is the kind of bishop that represents Jesus Christ and serves all his children.

I started feeling guilty about my previous thoughts and the judgments I had made, but even the guilt was quickly replaced by a feeling of peace as I watched this servant of the Lord.

I love Officer M’s honesty. As he tells his story, it is clear that he was viewing the witnesses with contempt–labeling them as “that kind of people.” Yet, he recognized that he was making judgments and his heart softened as he watched a good man comfort a rough group of young adults as Jesus would. Letting go of contempt puts us in a position to serve others.

Can we be honest in our own stories, like Officer M? Can we ask ourselves if we view any individuals with contempt, or if we label groups we disagree with as “that kind of people?” Do we have an “us and them” mindset?

“God knew living together in harmony would sometimes feel like knitting a blanket with one broken needle and two skeins of steel wool.” (5) He also knows that it is emotionally and spiritually healthy for us to rub shoulders with people who differ from us in significant ways, to catch a glimpse of them as real human beings who are worthy of love and who are as sincere in their beliefs as we are in ours. This is how we discover that “God does not love [us] better or more than others.” (6) 

Respecting others does not mean we must agree with their lifestyle or opinions. We are not required to be thrilled about their choices. But how can we study the teachings of Jesus Christ and honestly conclude that it is ever appropriate to view or treat other people with contempt?

“…love your enemies,
bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you,
and pray for them which despitefully
use you and persecute you…”

(Matthew 5:44)

At some point in our lives, most of us will be on the receiving end of contempt or mockery for our beliefs, or even for choosing to “reach across the aisle” and befriend people with different values, or those who have been marginalized. Our response to such derision will reveal much about where we are on the road that leads to Jesus Christ.

“The behavior of the Savior on the cross represented the ultimate of restraint when he refrained from responding to mockery. There was no show of power by the marshalling of angels nor eloquence of words in his defense. Pride was consumed by charity. His quiet demeanor in suffering testified of his divine sonship.” (7)

Let us work diligently toward the day when there is no more “us and them.” Let us “… pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that [we] may be filled with this love which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ.” (Moroni 7:48) Ah, yes–true followers of Christ. May we all become that kind of people.

 

Notes:

  1. Arthur Brooks, Love Your Enemies, pgs. 5 & 10, emphasis added.
  2. Gary L. Bunker, Mocking Our Brother, April 1975 Ensign. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1975/04/mocking-our-brother?lang=eng
  1. President Russell M. Nelson, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults, May 2022. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/broadcasts/worldwide-devotional-for-young-adults/2022/05/12nelson?lang=eng
  1. ibid, emphasis added.
  2. Shannan Martin, Falling Free, p. 129.
  3. Joseph Smith, Documentary History of the Church 2:196.
  4. Gary L. Bunker, Mocking Our Brother, April 1975 Ensign. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1975/04/mocking-our-brother?lang=eng