Have you ever interrupted someone because you know what they are going to say and you already have your response ready? Have you ever missed a cue from your spouse into how they are feeling? Have you ever underrated the importance of what a child is saying because you are obviously taller, smarter, and more experienced? Have you ever missed the quiet plea for understanding and compassion from a friend or neighbor? How often do we listen with real intent, with open minds, and with softened hearts?

President (then Elder) Russell M Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “Husbands and wives, learn to listen, and listen to learn from one another…  Even with normal hearing, some couples seem not to listen to one another. Taking time to talk is essential to keep lines of communication intact. If marriage is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time! Yet less important appointments are often given priority, leaving only leftover moments for listening to precious partners.” “Wise partners, listen to learn from one another.” “Your soul will be blessed as you learn to listen, then listen to learn from children, parents, partners, neighbors, and Church leaders, all of which will heighten capacity to hear counsel from on high.” (General Conference, April 1991.)

During group counseling in prison, as one man would share his autobiography to identify any healthy core beliefs or any distorted core beliefs, other men in the group would offer feedback. Often, the man presenting his work would instantly become defensive of any criticism. When someone offers us feedback or a different perspective, how often does our pride and self-defensive anger get in our way of learning something valuable that can help us improve and progress?

In John L. Lund’s book, The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism (January 1997, The Communication Company) he wrote that there is no such thing as “constructive criticism” unless you have the permission of the person being criticized. Even then, the approach is to attack the problem, not the person. Use “I” statements: “I feel this about that.” For example, use “I feel frustrated when the dishes aren’t done,” instead of, “I feel frustrated when you don’t do the dishes.”

Are we listening?

President Nelson pleads with us to Hear Him: “…do whatever it takes to increase your spiritual capacity to receive personal revelation.” “Our Father knows that when we are surrounded by uncertainty and fear, what will help us the very most is to hear His Son. Because when we seek to hear—truly hear—His Son, we will be guided to know what to do in any circumstance.”

“What will happen as you more intentionally hear, hearken, and heed what the Savior has said and what He is saying now through His prophets? I promise that you will be blessed with additional power to deal with temptation, struggles, and weakness. I promise miracles in your marriage, family relationships, and daily work. And I promise that your capacity to feel joy will increase even if turbulence increases in your life.”

May we all follow our prophet’s counsel and learn to listen, listen to learn, and to Hear Him.