Cover image via Gospel Media Library. 

In the house where I grew up, we had a two-directional swinging door between the kitchen and the dining room. Occasionally, one of my sisters and I would approach the door at exactly the same time from opposite sides, leading to a tense pushing match where only the strongest would survive… until…. one day, I decided to just step aside and let my sister Mary fall through.  I was clearly “The Winner,” at least in that instance.

Modern life presents a multitude of winners and losers – it’s all around us.  Game shows feature one winning dancer, singer, or contestant. Athletic tournaments proclaim the single winner and multiple losers.  Business and politics reinforce the outcome of one winner and multiple losers. High school, college, and professional activities don’t do anything to lessen the winner/loser construct in our minds and in the minds of our children and those around us.

Incorrectly Learning to Love “Ours” and Discard (Or Even Hate) “Others.”

But human nature sometimes directs our competitive spirit away from our winning, toward their losing.  For example, on occasion, I like to cynically ask my friends in Salt Lake City, “Do you love University of Utah football or just hate BYU?” (Or, vice versa)

At its extreme, this “winner’s trap” can creep into how we approach the church and the gospel. In particular, the church’s focus on missionary work sometimes reinforces the notion of “us versus them.” Newton’s first law of motion states that a body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts on it. Surely this applies to a large majority of people involved in religion, regardless of their commitment level to their church or beliefs. Oftentimes, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints think that it takes a “shrimp fork” to try and dig someone out of their current religious comfort to get them interested in the Restoration of the gospel.  I’ve noticed that in searching for that “shrimp fork,” missionaries often  succumb to pointing out the negatives in other’s beliefs, rather than the positives of the Restoration.  For example, as a young missionary in Scotland, when teaching a lesson about the Book of Mormon, I watched as a missionary companion exulted in pointing out flaws and inconsistencies in the Bible to the point where I finally took him aside and said, “I understand what you are doing, but I happen to love the Bible, and I don’t think you are helping our cause.”

How to Present Our Message?

All Latter-day Saint missionaries are eventually faced with the problem of how they will message to others the Restoration of the Lord’s church. But having “more truth” sometimes creates problems of superiority, ego, and inertia in those of us who try to teach it to others. And potential  investigators who are “mostly right” don’t want to hear that they are wrong. As one letter to the editor put it, “No one wants to hear that they have ‘inferior or invalid heavenly credentials.’”

I’m reminded of a cartoon showing two missionaries standing on a porch with a door recently slammed in their faces. One is wearing a big button that says, “YOU’RE WRONG!” The other missionary says, “Elder, maybe it’s your door approach.”

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been blessed to find truth. The question is, how can we communicate that? Can we find a way to emphasize the Restoration of the truth, without denigrating others and their beliefs? Can we share with others that the truth has been restored, without implying or demanding that others are wrong?

Of course, members could just mind their business and leave others alone, but then how would the church fulfill the Savior’s injunction to go into all the world?

A More Excellent Way”

Elder Marion Duff Hanks, a well-known general authority in the late twentieth century greatly disliked the “we’re right, you’re wrong” approach sometimes used to share the message of the Restoration. He preferred the words of Ether 12:11, which says, “In the gift of his Son hath God prepared a more excellent way.” He chose to emphasize this wording — the “more excellent way”—when he described the restored church.

Duff didn’t feel a need to apologize for the Restoration; in fact, he felt the opposite. In a letter to me on my mission, he wrote, “Ours is a living theology with revelation as a current and constant reality. It has been restored and lives, and additional truths continue to be restored.” In a position paper titled “Questions for an Earnest Seeker of Truth,” Duff laid out the scriptural case for there being only “one road” and “one true gospel.” He made the argument that “it is not enough to be sincere in one’s religious convictions; he must also have the truth.” And the fact is, we didn’t initiate this Restoration. God did.

Notwithstanding these beliefs, Duff chose to focus on the positives of the Restoration and its application to humankind, rather than on the negatives of another’s beliefs. He would often quote what Joseph Smith wrote from the dungeon in Liberty Jail, in which Joseph declared an attitude quite different from the strong language used in most of the church’s pamphlets. He spoke clearly of his feeling that we must treat others who differ from us in religious viewpoint better than they treat each other.

A quote from Joseph Smith advocating love and respect for differing beliefs, a principle central to Marion D. Hanks’ approach to gospel sharing.

Avoiding the “Winner’s Trap”

As usual, the scriptures provide direction;

And the Spirit giveth light to every man that cometh into the world; and the Spirit enlighteneth every man through the world, that hearkeneth to the voice of the Spirit.” (D&C 84-45-46)

Master, we saw one casting out devils inthy name; and we forbad him, because he followeth not with us.  And Jesus said unto him, forbid him not: for he that is not against us is for us.” (Luke 9:49–50)

And now, behold, according to their faith in their prayers will I bring this part of my gospel to the knowledge of my people.  Behold, I do not bring it to destroy that which they have received, but to build it up. (D&C 10:51-52)

A few ways to avoid falling  into the “winner’s trap” are to (1) acknowledge the  things we agree on, (2) emphasize the incremental positive things that make it the more excellent way, and (3) consistently be living examples.

What are some things that we agree on – some areas of common ground? Strong families, morality in media, helping the sick, shared devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ, etc. These are all great places to start our conversation.

What things might incrementally benefit someone of another faith? Additional scripture, living prophets, better health, worldwide community of fellow believers, priesthood blessings, most liberal view of salvation, etc.

In what way can we serve as living examples of the truth? By becoming examples of what he TAUGHT, and what he DID. The Savior taught us the spiritual truths that would lead us back into God’s presence. But he also taught us our obligation is to relieve the suffering and ills of our fellow man.

A Changing Mindset

One tactical approach to improving our communication with others about the Restoration involves adopting a mindset that proclaims: All of us are God’s children, and everyone has value and valuable beliefs.

This is not a situation of “the game is locked and nobody else can play,” and “we’re right, you’re wrong!” Rather, we are presenting to others the “more excellent way.” We are saying, “Please join with us —the Savior has restored His Church. We welcome you. But, if you choose not to join with us, we will not think ourselves better than you. We will try and live our lives so perhaps you will choose to eventually listen to the message we share.”

Listening to and Respecting Other’s Beliefs

Another tactical improvement available is learning to really listen to and respect others’ beliefs. It is easy to fall into the trap of barely listening to other people’s side in a  conversation, meanwhile thinking only about how we are going to respond. As other’s share their beliefs, we might be thinking to ourselves, “sure, what you say sounds interesting, but the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the ‘only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth…’ (D&C 1:30), and I’m not looking for the word of the Lord from outside sources.”

But listening to another’s beliefs is hardly a waste of our time, because people are very seldom converted  with a one-direction monologue. It has been pointed out that conversion is usually a mixed process of acceptance of some new ideas and rejection of some old ideas—and that takes back-and-forth dialogue. And in order to have honest dialogue, we need to have respect for other people’s beliefs for the good that is in them— “them” referring to both the people and their beliefs.

As one author wrote, “Even more important than respecting other churches for the good work they do, we should respect our fellow human beings—not in spite of their beliefs, but because of them! A man or woman who carefully obeys all the laws and teachings of the Catholic or Buddhist or Shinto or Lutheran religion is obviously striving to do right. We should not condemn their beliefs but rejoice in their righteous desires—for they will be just that much readier to have the Holy Ghost come to them to bear witness of even greater truths than they had previously known.” (1)

A Really Big Tent

Duff Hanks would have loved the title of the book You Don’t Have to Be Wrong for Me to Be Right: Finding Faith without Fanaticism. Duff’s feelings about salvation allowed for a really big tent that would include a lot of souls. He would have enjoyed the following description of salvation, because it echoed what he believed:

“It is difficult to imagine that a few million, in a world of seven billion, can really be God’s only chosen people and heirs of salvation. That’s because they aren’t. One of the most unfortunate misperceptions about Mormonism is in this tragic irony: Joseph Smith’s view is one of the most generous, liberal, and universalist conceptions of salvation in all Christendom. . . . Mormons do not have a monopoly on righteousness, truth, or God’s approbation.” (2)

Duff taught, “One who believes or pretends that he or we have a corner on truth, or that we have all the answers, does not understand his own religion, which teaches that God not only is a living, revealing, communicating Father, but that there is much of grave importance yet to be revealed pertaining to His work on the earth and in the heavens.”

Maybe Edwin Markham’s poem provides an overall summary. He wrote:

Outwitted

He drew a circle that shut me out –
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!

Notes

(1)  Gerald E. Jones,

“Respect for Other People’s Beliefs,” Ensign, Oct. 1977, 70.

(2)  Fiona and Terryl Givens, “Why It’s a Myth That Mormons Have a Monopoly on Truth and Salvation,” LDS Living, Mar. 7, 2018.

Further Reading

For more stories like this, purchase a copy of To Be a Friend of Christ: The Life of Marion D. Hanks, by Richard D. Hanks, (Salt Lake City, Signature Books, Oct. 2024).

Author

An author and retired senior business executive, Richard D. Hanks recently completed a comprehensive biography of his father, Marion D. Hanks which was the inspiration for this article.

To Be a Friend of Christ: The Life of Marion D. Hanks, (Salt Lake City, Signature Books, Oct. 2024).