Perhaps because I am a Marriage and Family Therapist by profession, comments made about relationships in this past General Conference jumped out at me. Elder Robert Daines reminded us that covenants are fundamentally about relationships and the General Young Women’s president quoted President Nelson as saying covenants are about relationships. How are covenants about relationships and why does it matter?
Consider the relationship between a man and a woman who are living together versus a man and a woman who are married. My clients who conducted this experiment can testify that their relationship changes once they marry. Marriage and Family Therapists differentiate between a regular marriage and what they call a “covenant” marriage. A covenant marriage takes loyalty and fidelity to a whole new level. In the church, we recognize the difference between a civil marriage and a temple marriage, in that a couple who keeps their covenants with one another and also with God can be together for eternity.
The covenant a husband and wife make with one another can be compared to the covenant we all make with Christ when we are baptized. Both are about relationships. The covenant of marriage is about our relationship with our spouse. Baptism is about our relationship with Christ. Studying the nature of these covenant relationships helps us understand the importance of keeping our covenants.
The Promise to Remain in the Relationship
First, in a covenant marriage the couple makes a solemn promise to stay together no matter what. There are no pre-nups “just in case” they decide to divorce. If they encounter differences, they vow to find a way to reconcile them. They do not promise to stay together “if they are getting along.” They promise to stay together and find a way to get along.
In the same way the covenant of marriage defines the relationship between a husband and wife, the covenant of baptism defines our relationship with the Savior, Jesus Christ. Just like in a marriage, when we are baptized, we are deciding to enter a relationship with the Savior that we will not leave. We promise to always remember him. We don’t put an exit strategy into the contract, declaring that if the relationship becomes too difficult, we are free to leave. Our covenant reassures that if the relationship becomes difficult, we will not give up on the relationship. We will find a way to be compatible.
The Promise to be Faithful
Second, in a covenant marriage the couple are faithful to one another. Their eyes do not wander. They do not go chasing after another mate. They do not even flirt with members of the opposite sex. They are faithful in their hearts as well as in their actions. They put one another first.
When we are baptized, we promise to be faithful to the Savior. We do not flirt with worldly ideas, wondering if they just might be easier to embrace. We put the Savior first, not allowing others to steal our time, our attention, or our hearts. We do not have affairs with “false gods,” nor do we worship worldly idols. We keep our eyes focused on Him with whom we are in a covenant relationship.
The Quest to Become “One”
Third, in a covenant relationship the couple is working to become one, one in purpose, one in goals, one in action. They get to the point where there are no differences to reconcile, because there are no differences. They both want the same thing out of life, they want the same thing out of marriage, they want the same thing for their children, they want the same thing for the people they serve. Their desires are so compatible, the kids don’t bother to play one parent against the other because they will each say the same thing.
When we choose The Savior, we also choose to do His will. We don’t argue with him about His will. We don’t become defiant. We work to understand and embrace His will so that we can be one with him. In a marriage, both husband and wife work together to do the will of the Lord and as they grow more aligned with the will of The Lord, they grow more aligned with one another.
Taking A New Name
Fourth, typically in a covenant marriage the wife takes the husband’s name. I was JeaNette Goates before I married Bret. Now I am JeaNette Smith. Everybody knows me by this new name. In taking the name of my husband I am revealing to the world that we are married, that I am his and he is mine. We are The Smiths.
When we are baptized, we take upon ourselves Christ’s name. We become one with him. By taking Christ’s name we are afforded privileges and responsibilities. King Benjamin reminds us that “There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh.” By taking upon us Christ’s name we are found at the right hand of God. (Mosiah 5:8,9)
A Symbol of the Covenant
Fifth, married people generally wear a symbol of their marriage. Both husband and wife wear a ring on the fourth finger of the left hand that tells everybody who looks that they are in a relationship. It declares their relationship status without researching it on Facebook. It says they consider their relationship as husband and wife to be sacred. If anybody tries to flirt with either the husband or wife, the ring essentially says, “do not bother. I choose to be faithful to my spouse.”
President Hinckley taught that the lives of the members of the church are symbols of their covenant relationship with the Savior. When we go to the temple to be sealed as a couple, we are given the garment, a symbol of our covenant relationship with Christ. This symbol reminds us that we are in a covenant relationship and that covenant relationships are different than all other relationships.
Both the marriage relationship and the baptismal relationship are relationships of choice. We should think long and hard about what it means to make sacred promises to a spouse and especially to God. Both relationships require dedication and work. Both relationships improve with the attention and fidelity we give them. Both relationships will bring us tremendous joy on this earth and also the joy of eternal life.
