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The Fear that I am not “enough” for Heaven
It’s the fear that we’re not doing enough. That while I may be doing well this month on my nightly prayers, I haven’t been ministering to those in my quorum or class, or gone out with the missionaries, or asked bishop if he needs help, or, or, or, or….
As my shortcomings seem to grow and I feel the ache of my lack to lay “hold on every good thing,” I wonder if the Celestial Kingdom is at all possible (Moroni 7:19).
I think many missionaries undergo this feeling in the short time they are entrusted to “bring the world His truth.” (No big deal, right?) While serving as a missionary in Peru, in my last few months I started to feel the end coming. Just like this little guy.
I knew my time was short and I feared that I hadn’t done all the work God had sent me to do. Soon my fear made me paranoid. I tapped my foot on the ground and let out big sighs if my companion took too long in the bathroom. I constantly checked my watch during lessons. And at one point, I started questioning why we needed to have such long morning companionship studies.
Well, you may ask, why is the fear of missing out so bad? Doesn’t that help me to work harder; to give more?
Sure, fear can drive us to work harder, to pay the bills on time, even to wear our seatbelts. But there is something fear cannot do, where only faith has power.
“Fear rarely has the power to change our hearts, and it will never transform us into people who love what is right and who want to obey Heavenly Father ” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, April 2017 General Conference).
Fear moves us in the exact opposite direction of our Heavenly Father and the plan He created to help us.
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