It took me years first to realize how sick I was meanwhile getting sicker as we could't figure it out. Then It took years to accept and live in the present. I was bitter and jealous for years that others around me were living my dreams and I would never have the health. Now, at 35 I am at peace and live for the present. I no longer yearn for that career, but to simply use my talents to make the world around me a better place even if that is just for myself and my family. I am now being blessed. I could not have done it without God and His love. good article. thanks. So many don't understand what it's like for the sufferer or thier family. I and my mother have been called liers to our faces when we say we are ill and unable to carry soemthing out that the other person believes we should do.
Michelle McGuireMarch 10, 2014
This was a wonderful article and one I will share with my Rheumatologist. There are so many people who suffer from chronic pain, many with conditions that most people are not familiar with such as Psoriatic Arthritis which affects joints, ligaments and tendons. I belong to an online support group who will benefit greatly from the article . Thank you for posting this article!
rynna ollivierMarch 9, 2014
Darla, Thank you for this beautiful article.
Pat DunbarMarch 9, 2014
It is hard to not focus on "do" when even the words to "I Am A Child of God" have been changed from "Teach me all that I must KNOW" to "Teach me all that I must DO".
I have fibromyalgia compounded with several physical problems which have required several major surgeries (still not finished with those). I have always been a type A person balancing several callings, raising 5 children in a military environment which meant moving around the world several times, and finally starting a teaching career when I was 37.
It is hard not to feel less worthy when you are ordered back on 2 months's of total bed rest with a cast on your leg after you have just spent the last 2 1/2 years in bed because of a spine problem (corrected now).
It is hard not to be able to go to the church or to the temple with your husband because walking, standing and even sitting causes extreme pain. It is hard to be forced to give up your church callings for the same reasons -- all because I could not "do".
"I Am A Child Of God" is MY song -- I sing it whenever I feel afraid, depressed or just terrified (in MRI machines). I still have problems with the change in lyrics from "know" to "do"!
ReginaMarch 8, 2014
My husband has been ill off and on, mostly on, for the last seven years. He will probably not ever get "better." It has been hard for him to switch from a Moroni-like church leader to someone who might seem less heroic, at least to himself. But he is a hero to me as I have seen him struggling with this. What makes it hard is when well-meaning relatives and friends suggest that he isn't "pushing himself enough" or if he'd only get off those drugs the doctor prescribed him, he would feel better. He wouldn't feel better, he would die. But how do you tell someone that?
LaRue BroughMarch 8, 2014
Data, I had been praying about who I am this morning when I opened the Meridian this morning and found your article. I have been chronically ill for years and have based my identity on what could "do". I have been so stressed out when I have felt too ill to teach my Primary class. I haven't been able to go for a month.
Thank you so much!
This has given me permission to accept the things I can't change. This is truly an answer to prayer!
vickieMarch 8, 2014
this reading is right up my alley except for one thing...I joined the church when I was about 26yr in 1977. that was a long time ago. I had almost three kids at the one..one on the way actually and 2 kids. I was baptized at 7months pregnant for my 3rd child. I was so glad to have the church everywhere we went as my husband was in the airforce. I had every kind of calling you can think of over the years. I was involved in everything from young womens to scouting and relief society and all the kids programs..everything and lived in England where I picked up sisters who didnt drive cars back then from a base many towns away. I had my 4th baby in england and drove all over the place pregnant and picking sisters up and car breaking down in the middle of the night and still carrying on. When I think about all the things I did I should be classified as wonder woman..but I never thought of doing anything as earning my worth...no not at all...I looked at myself as part of something bigger then me and that I needed to do my part. so, I volunteered and did all my callings. then as of late IM 62 going on 63, but with my last illness where I was bed ridden 3 months and no one figuring out what was wrong and doing all the wrong things which nearly killed me..my system is so run down I dont ever seem to have a day where I dont have problems. I have a seizure disorder I developed when I was 47 and before that a hysterectomy and then gallbladder surgery and seizures at different times where they tried different meds on me which caused me to be bed ridden for 6-8months and alone at home during this time while my husband had to work and most of my kids gone. it was scary. we are very independent and we didnt want to bother anyone at church so I tried to do it on my own and wasnt successful at it nearly dying several times as my husband is a very personal person but from now on I will try to get what help I can. then later I discovered I have barretts esophagus and essential tremors and sudden onset vertigo and IBS and so on...so my immune system is bad and my allergies are awful to just about everything..Im amazed Im still alive...but now I dont know how IM going to feel at any given time..I expected myself to be very busy with no kids at home and nothing really to do...we moved to a town where my mother in law lives who is going on 86 and she needs me..but really she is more healthier then I even though she wont admit it..I feel guilty about not being able to do for her what I can..and even going to church is hard...I use to go to church even when I was going through three episodes of major depression and anxiety disorder..yes I had that as well. bringing kids and taking no meds and trying to put on a good face while my skin was dragging off my face because of the stigma of the illness to other people. life wasnt easy but now I think I should be able to do the things sick or no and really cant and feel guilty about that..I have a severe sleep disorder ..the sleep apnea stopping breathing every 2 mins so I wear a cpap ..wow a lot huh but really there is more..I was the first born of a mother who went th rough the great depression and her family at least most of them died of tuberculosis..so Im sure that inhibited my immune system..but what I do know is that God knows all of this...there were times where I saw His hand in helping me and times when I knew He wanted me to do it on my own and I was desperate believe me..but..in all that I never wanted to do more things to prove how worthy I was or could become because I knew my worthiness wasnt guaged on that..I just knew I guess that I needed to be busy in doing things. I am not a very charitable person helping everyone around otherwise I would be dead with all I have done..my problem now is that people at church where I live didnt know me back then..they didnt know the person who could get out and do all those things and I know they expect more of me and need my help and I cant seem to do it and I feel guilty and my husband says they are looking down on us thinking we are inactive...that is where the church needs to deal with people in the church who look at people who seem ok but really arent as inactive people..I read my scriptures every night ..every night I dont forget ..I dont think Im exagerating this either because when i was able to go and was in relief society and they were announcing new people visiting that day ..the sister doing that said..oh and sister cloud is with us today...how about that...oh my...I got angry at that as they all knew me...and I knew what she meant...judgement of others is not the job of relief society or anyone else in the church because all of us walk a different path that the Lord has for us...I have a hard time myself not feeling bad about not being able to do all the things I use to do and there are many young women here with kids as we have a mixture because there is an airbase in this little town and they are in and out and I tried to rationalize it to myself as its their time like it was my time to help and do all the things that I use to do and then some. I will do what I can when I can as the Lord permits...as He is my judge alone...I suppose we all have our foibles..
Sue Chase March 7, 2014
Very interesting article. I have always wanted to do everything and when kidney failure put me on dialysis 4 1/2 years ago I had 4 hours 3 days a week to think. Asking Heavenly Father why. I still do not know fully why but on July 6,2013 I received a kidney from a 61 year old gentlemen. It has given me a new life but I am still not as full of energy when I was younger. The article has held me to realize that most people don't think of me any different. The saying "There is a time and reason for all seasons". Thank you for your enlightening article.
Gale BoydMarch 7, 2014
Well said. Having recovered from Fibromyalgia and desiring to help others with Fibro, CMP and CFS, I have mounted a website -- https://www.fibroself-help.com
SharonMarch 7, 2014
I loved your article, Darla! I loved how you honored and reverenced what had been said by another (sometimes we feel we have to 're' say it all, do it all, be it all....whatever that is!) Being able to take comfort in what someone else shares, to recognize their worth and gifts, can be one way to help me value my own, to take their sharing as a confirmation. So.. thanks for sharing! ^_^ And all you say about the whole "identity" thing is so very true. And we need to recognize that others simply may not ever "get it"... what it is like. And that is not a judgement on them, either. I sometimes call this a "friendly self-monitoring": where I can invite myself to be as compassionate with myself as I would want to be with another. And then It is easier to see beyond others short-comings as well, and receive from them the gift God has there for me to receive, instead of the one I think I need.
Anyway, just: thanks. Keep showing up... as who you are. You are loved.
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sarahMarch 12, 2014
It took me years first to realize how sick I was meanwhile getting sicker as we could't figure it out. Then It took years to accept and live in the present. I was bitter and jealous for years that others around me were living my dreams and I would never have the health. Now, at 35 I am at peace and live for the present. I no longer yearn for that career, but to simply use my talents to make the world around me a better place even if that is just for myself and my family. I am now being blessed. I could not have done it without God and His love. good article. thanks. So many don't understand what it's like for the sufferer or thier family. I and my mother have been called liers to our faces when we say we are ill and unable to carry soemthing out that the other person believes we should do.
Michelle McGuireMarch 10, 2014
This was a wonderful article and one I will share with my Rheumatologist. There are so many people who suffer from chronic pain, many with conditions that most people are not familiar with such as Psoriatic Arthritis which affects joints, ligaments and tendons. I belong to an online support group who will benefit greatly from the article . Thank you for posting this article!
rynna ollivierMarch 9, 2014
Darla, Thank you for this beautiful article.
Pat DunbarMarch 9, 2014
It is hard to not focus on "do" when even the words to "I Am A Child of God" have been changed from "Teach me all that I must KNOW" to "Teach me all that I must DO". I have fibromyalgia compounded with several physical problems which have required several major surgeries (still not finished with those). I have always been a type A person balancing several callings, raising 5 children in a military environment which meant moving around the world several times, and finally starting a teaching career when I was 37. It is hard not to feel less worthy when you are ordered back on 2 months's of total bed rest with a cast on your leg after you have just spent the last 2 1/2 years in bed because of a spine problem (corrected now). It is hard not to be able to go to the church or to the temple with your husband because walking, standing and even sitting causes extreme pain. It is hard to be forced to give up your church callings for the same reasons -- all because I could not "do". "I Am A Child Of God" is MY song -- I sing it whenever I feel afraid, depressed or just terrified (in MRI machines). I still have problems with the change in lyrics from "know" to "do"!
ReginaMarch 8, 2014
My husband has been ill off and on, mostly on, for the last seven years. He will probably not ever get "better." It has been hard for him to switch from a Moroni-like church leader to someone who might seem less heroic, at least to himself. But he is a hero to me as I have seen him struggling with this. What makes it hard is when well-meaning relatives and friends suggest that he isn't "pushing himself enough" or if he'd only get off those drugs the doctor prescribed him, he would feel better. He wouldn't feel better, he would die. But how do you tell someone that?
LaRue BroughMarch 8, 2014
Data, I had been praying about who I am this morning when I opened the Meridian this morning and found your article. I have been chronically ill for years and have based my identity on what could "do". I have been so stressed out when I have felt too ill to teach my Primary class. I haven't been able to go for a month. Thank you so much! This has given me permission to accept the things I can't change. This is truly an answer to prayer!
vickieMarch 8, 2014
this reading is right up my alley except for one thing...I joined the church when I was about 26yr in 1977. that was a long time ago. I had almost three kids at the one..one on the way actually and 2 kids. I was baptized at 7months pregnant for my 3rd child. I was so glad to have the church everywhere we went as my husband was in the airforce. I had every kind of calling you can think of over the years. I was involved in everything from young womens to scouting and relief society and all the kids programs..everything and lived in England where I picked up sisters who didnt drive cars back then from a base many towns away. I had my 4th baby in england and drove all over the place pregnant and picking sisters up and car breaking down in the middle of the night and still carrying on. When I think about all the things I did I should be classified as wonder woman..but I never thought of doing anything as earning my worth...no not at all...I looked at myself as part of something bigger then me and that I needed to do my part. so, I volunteered and did all my callings. then as of late IM 62 going on 63, but with my last illness where I was bed ridden 3 months and no one figuring out what was wrong and doing all the wrong things which nearly killed me..my system is so run down I dont ever seem to have a day where I dont have problems. I have a seizure disorder I developed when I was 47 and before that a hysterectomy and then gallbladder surgery and seizures at different times where they tried different meds on me which caused me to be bed ridden for 6-8months and alone at home during this time while my husband had to work and most of my kids gone. it was scary. we are very independent and we didnt want to bother anyone at church so I tried to do it on my own and wasnt successful at it nearly dying several times as my husband is a very personal person but from now on I will try to get what help I can. then later I discovered I have barretts esophagus and essential tremors and sudden onset vertigo and IBS and so on...so my immune system is bad and my allergies are awful to just about everything..Im amazed Im still alive...but now I dont know how IM going to feel at any given time..I expected myself to be very busy with no kids at home and nothing really to do...we moved to a town where my mother in law lives who is going on 86 and she needs me..but really she is more healthier then I even though she wont admit it..I feel guilty about not being able to do for her what I can..and even going to church is hard...I use to go to church even when I was going through three episodes of major depression and anxiety disorder..yes I had that as well. bringing kids and taking no meds and trying to put on a good face while my skin was dragging off my face because of the stigma of the illness to other people. life wasnt easy but now I think I should be able to do the things sick or no and really cant and feel guilty about that..I have a severe sleep disorder ..the sleep apnea stopping breathing every 2 mins so I wear a cpap ..wow a lot huh but really there is more..I was the first born of a mother who went th rough the great depression and her family at least most of them died of tuberculosis..so Im sure that inhibited my immune system..but what I do know is that God knows all of this...there were times where I saw His hand in helping me and times when I knew He wanted me to do it on my own and I was desperate believe me..but..in all that I never wanted to do more things to prove how worthy I was or could become because I knew my worthiness wasnt guaged on that..I just knew I guess that I needed to be busy in doing things. I am not a very charitable person helping everyone around otherwise I would be dead with all I have done..my problem now is that people at church where I live didnt know me back then..they didnt know the person who could get out and do all those things and I know they expect more of me and need my help and I cant seem to do it and I feel guilty and my husband says they are looking down on us thinking we are inactive...that is where the church needs to deal with people in the church who look at people who seem ok but really arent as inactive people..I read my scriptures every night ..every night I dont forget ..I dont think Im exagerating this either because when i was able to go and was in relief society and they were announcing new people visiting that day ..the sister doing that said..oh and sister cloud is with us today...how about that...oh my...I got angry at that as they all knew me...and I knew what she meant...judgement of others is not the job of relief society or anyone else in the church because all of us walk a different path that the Lord has for us...I have a hard time myself not feeling bad about not being able to do all the things I use to do and there are many young women here with kids as we have a mixture because there is an airbase in this little town and they are in and out and I tried to rationalize it to myself as its their time like it was my time to help and do all the things that I use to do and then some. I will do what I can when I can as the Lord permits...as He is my judge alone...I suppose we all have our foibles..
Sue Chase March 7, 2014
Very interesting article. I have always wanted to do everything and when kidney failure put me on dialysis 4 1/2 years ago I had 4 hours 3 days a week to think. Asking Heavenly Father why. I still do not know fully why but on July 6,2013 I received a kidney from a 61 year old gentlemen. It has given me a new life but I am still not as full of energy when I was younger. The article has held me to realize that most people don't think of me any different. The saying "There is a time and reason for all seasons". Thank you for your enlightening article.
Gale BoydMarch 7, 2014
Well said. Having recovered from Fibromyalgia and desiring to help others with Fibro, CMP and CFS, I have mounted a website -- https://www.fibroself-help.com
SharonMarch 7, 2014
I loved your article, Darla! I loved how you honored and reverenced what had been said by another (sometimes we feel we have to 're' say it all, do it all, be it all....whatever that is!) Being able to take comfort in what someone else shares, to recognize their worth and gifts, can be one way to help me value my own, to take their sharing as a confirmation. So.. thanks for sharing! ^_^ And all you say about the whole "identity" thing is so very true. And we need to recognize that others simply may not ever "get it"... what it is like. And that is not a judgement on them, either. I sometimes call this a "friendly self-monitoring": where I can invite myself to be as compassionate with myself as I would want to be with another. And then It is easier to see beyond others short-comings as well, and receive from them the gift God has there for me to receive, instead of the one I think I need. Anyway, just: thanks. Keep showing up... as who you are. You are loved.
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