Does Coming Out Have to Mean Walking Away?
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Comments | Return to Story
Maryann TaylorSeptember 17, 2021
This is the best article I have read on this subject. Making our sexuality the most important facet of who we ARE is divisive, and also detracts from the fact that we are, first and foremost, children of God. When we embrace the gospel of Christ, we covenant to give up anything and everything that is not in harmony with his divine plan. For single men and women, whether they are gay or straight, that means complete celibacy.
MarySeptember 16, 2021
A question I have often had is what about the women and men who have never had the opportunity to marry...they continue to date - always seeking for but never finding the person they wanted to marry? Or what about women and men who have lost their spouses to death or divorce. Surely they have a desire for the same serious relationship with someone again. Are they exempt from continuing to make moral decisions to remain celibate? I know many people who fall into these two categories who have chosen to live moral lives, choosing chasitity and waiting for the blessings that come and more that will come when staying close to the Savior. They live happy and productive and joyous lives. They don't feel denied any opportunity to move forward in the gospel plan. When a choice is made to justify the same gender path, it thwarts the Plan of Salvation and the Plan of Happiness...which are named thus for very specific reasons. To know that it can bring the peace and joy and comfort that comes when following the Savior's plan - to be redeemed from this mortal and imperfect being... and protect us and help us return to our Him. We all just keep trying no matter what our earthly trials are!
Yves ValenSeptember 16, 2021
Excellent article.
All the single ladiesSeptember 16, 2021
Re the comment “ A man who has no sexual attraction to women is not going to want to marry a women whether they could or could not do so in the temple under covenant. The same is true of a women who is not attracted physically to men. I don't believe the church policy encourages you to do that regardless just so you can be married in the temple. I believe the reason most gay and lesbian people leave the church is because they want an intimate serious relationship with someone of the same sex. The church does not condone this.” Consider for a moment the array of celibate heterosexual people in the church who wait decades looking for a spouse, some of whom never marry. They also do not marry or have fulfilling sex lives, but they exist and they make their choices based on their values. Many may quite correctly identify that a barrier to them finding a partner is their insistence on chastity in a world where this is not the norm. Just worth noting.
KathleenSeptember 16, 2021
In theory, these ideas seem nice, but are wholly unrealistic, and frankly, they miss the reality of life as an LGBTQ+ member of the Church. No one is saying that a person's sexuality or gender identity is their whole identity. But it is also ludicrous to deny that it is an essential part of a person's identity. Being able to enjoy both full membership blessings while also having a deeply felt, intimate love relationship with the person of your choice is not a possibility for people who are only attracted to the same sex they are. This is a deep human need. THIS is why LGBTQ+ members are leaving the faith. It makes me so sad, and I don't have any answers, except that I know our Heavenly Father has it all figured out.
K. Chin, Modesto, CASeptember 15, 2021
I’ve often thought, why must one’s sexuality be the core component of one’s life, here, in Mortality? (I know of no doctrine that teaches our “sexuality” is THE MOST important component of what makes us mortal—and by “sexuality” I mean our individual preferences and “likes” in what, when, where, why, and how we choose to enjoy, express, and share ourselves sexually.) Could it be that in placing our sexuality BEFORE every other component of “who” we are…we “may” have inadvertently allowed Satan’s carefully laid plans (promoted over the earth’s millennia—and even before our pre-mortal existence) to have lead us to accomplish his selfish desire? Satan—through his agency—has removed himself from our Heavenly Parents’ love. We are taught, his ONLY desire is to make us, each, as miserable as he is. In manipulating us to make our “sexuality” so important, Satan has gotten us to turn our focus from the purpose of the Plan of Salvation, from its divine source, and our core identity…into bitter, painful contention and divisiveness about “how” we use our divine agency to express ourselves sexually. Here’s a news flash…sex is NOT the most important thing! Satan has redirected humankind’s energy, attention, focus…away from LOVE and gotten humankind to become obsessed with the who, what, when, where, why, and how of “sex.” We are spiritual and mortal beings capable of divine, infinite, and Christlike LOVE! Does not this thought—and knowledge—fill one with hope?! (I’ll leave it to the reader of my comments to substitute the word “sex” for LOVE. I find that doing so minimizes the divine purpose of The Plan of Salvation, our Savior’s Atonement, and our Father in Heaven’s infinite regard for each of His children.)
Penelope A. JonesSeptember 15, 2021
Wonderful insightful discussion on this so very current topic! Thank You Brother Mckenna. Of course this is all fulfilling so many prophecies about the latter days and so much "turmoil" and confusion. And I don't think you have glossed over anything but the previous comment seems rather myopic in that there are so many that make temple covenants and are not sealed to a spouse in this life. Or many who have been sealed only to have a spouse unworthy to go. And then there are our wonderful Sisters and Brothers that DON'T "Come- Out" and lead productive lives serving in the Church because as this article points out it not their most important identity. It's really pretty basic: the Lord put Adam and Eve and all of us their "off-spring" here to "multipy and replenish" and provide bodies for the Spirits he created and anything that attempts to thwart that plan is of Satan. So he is really happy at all those big marches and rallies especially the ones in UT. and at BYU. Just sayin" "the signs of the times".
AngNSeptember 15, 2021
This is a wonderful article! Thank you!
Valiant JonesSeptember 15, 2021
"People do have a choice in the matter— not in terms of their immediate feelings sexually … but in the story they adopt about what those feelings mean." I believe that within that concept there could be a path for some people with SSA to experience some degree of moderation of their attractions and find fulfilment in a mixed gender marriage. At least that appears to be what some members of NorthStar seem to have achieved. I would love to read more about that.
stevie mckennaSeptember 15, 2021
I understand what you are trying to focus on however, you have glossed over something important that isn't easy to acknowledge. A man who has no sexual attraction to women is not going to want to marry a women whether they could or could not do so in the temple under covenant. The same is true of a women who is not attracted physically to men. I don't believe the church policy encourages you to do that regardless just so you can be married in the temple. I believe the reason most gay and lesbian people leave the church is because they want an intimate serious relationship with someone of the same sex. The church does not condone this. That is the bottom line which you are not addressing no matter how you sugar coat the rest. Knowing you are a child of Heavenly Parent is great but that doesn't mean you can have the temple marriage to a same sex partner. Some people may marry opposite sexed partners but I doubt that they are gay, probably bi-sexual and that is more anecdotal evidence that it may work sometimes.
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