A kindly-meant reply to comments by Gary Dennis: The teaching that we chose our spouses in the pre-earth life is not actual LDS doctrine. It has been expressed by many, including general authorities, but none in a situation that makes it "official, held-accountable-for" doctrine (like, across the pulpit in General Conference or in an official statement from the First Presidency). If it has, then I would like to be educated on the topic! Otherwise, it is merely the "belief" of many.
Gary DennisJuly 15, 2017
All is spiritual - there is a much bigger picture - you both chose in pre-earth life to marry one another for spiritual experiences and lessons that you each needed to learn while in this life. Your life paths were custom designed for your spiritual growth and development with one another - with family members - and almost always these experiences involve great trials and challenges. Try to understand the spiritual lessons - bless - be grateful for your trials - do not try to change one another because all is as it is meant to be for your mutual good and spiritual growth - even though you don't understand it. Life unfolds in an orderly and timely manner - don't make judgments/changes about your current situation because it is a learning experience and stepping stone to further lessons that you both will encounter in the future. Study the Divine roles of men and women (I can provide this if needed. Consider:"There is need for a vast amount of discipline in marriage - not of ones companion, but of ones self." David O. McKay "When we find ourselves pre-occupied with fixing others, we can know that we have either lost our softness of heart and generosity of spirit - or else we never had it." C. Terry Warner -BYU -"Bonds that make us Free" "Let me not the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alterations find - or bend with the remover to remove. Oh, no ! It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests, and is never shaken. It is the star to every wandering bark - whose worth's unknown - although his height be taken. Love alters not with the brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom." Shakespeare
Maybe- like most of us - our life path is to become like the Savior, and how do we do that - by loving and becoming love as he is - as he wants us to be. Becoming truly loving takes most of a lifetime - and comes from unconditional service to one another.
IrishRoseJuly 14, 2017
The man mentions that his wife expected him to change some things about how he observes the Word of Wisdom. What changes and why? This is a big red flag. If she's a member of a culture that expects adults to drink alcohol, and expects the same of her husband, and spends time drinking with her family, and makes fun of him for not being that way-then get out now. This article is way too vague about specifically what bothers him. He needs to take a good clear look at that himself.
JEFJuly 14, 2017
Interesting that there was not even a mention about this couple even meeting with their Bishop or Branch President. I would start there first before I went directly into counseling with a so called professional.
GrandpaJuly 14, 2017
The best thing my wife and I did when we married was to move a thousand miles away from family (the beginning of a military career). Both our families were very strong and had definite and conflicting expectations, and moving took us out of both spheres and allowed us to establish "our" family. When a job opportunity returned us to the area our families lived in, we were ready to associate with them on our terms and not theirs.
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GrandpaJuly 18, 2017
A kindly-meant reply to comments by Gary Dennis: The teaching that we chose our spouses in the pre-earth life is not actual LDS doctrine. It has been expressed by many, including general authorities, but none in a situation that makes it "official, held-accountable-for" doctrine (like, across the pulpit in General Conference or in an official statement from the First Presidency). If it has, then I would like to be educated on the topic! Otherwise, it is merely the "belief" of many.
Gary DennisJuly 15, 2017
All is spiritual - there is a much bigger picture - you both chose in pre-earth life to marry one another for spiritual experiences and lessons that you each needed to learn while in this life. Your life paths were custom designed for your spiritual growth and development with one another - with family members - and almost always these experiences involve great trials and challenges. Try to understand the spiritual lessons - bless - be grateful for your trials - do not try to change one another because all is as it is meant to be for your mutual good and spiritual growth - even though you don't understand it. Life unfolds in an orderly and timely manner - don't make judgments/changes about your current situation because it is a learning experience and stepping stone to further lessons that you both will encounter in the future. Study the Divine roles of men and women (I can provide this if needed. Consider:"There is need for a vast amount of discipline in marriage - not of ones companion, but of ones self." David O. McKay "When we find ourselves pre-occupied with fixing others, we can know that we have either lost our softness of heart and generosity of spirit - or else we never had it." C. Terry Warner -BYU -"Bonds that make us Free" "Let me not the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alterations find - or bend with the remover to remove. Oh, no ! It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests, and is never shaken. It is the star to every wandering bark - whose worth's unknown - although his height be taken. Love alters not with the brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom." Shakespeare Maybe- like most of us - our life path is to become like the Savior, and how do we do that - by loving and becoming love as he is - as he wants us to be. Becoming truly loving takes most of a lifetime - and comes from unconditional service to one another.
IrishRoseJuly 14, 2017
The man mentions that his wife expected him to change some things about how he observes the Word of Wisdom. What changes and why? This is a big red flag. If she's a member of a culture that expects adults to drink alcohol, and expects the same of her husband, and spends time drinking with her family, and makes fun of him for not being that way-then get out now. This article is way too vague about specifically what bothers him. He needs to take a good clear look at that himself.
JEFJuly 14, 2017
Interesting that there was not even a mention about this couple even meeting with their Bishop or Branch President. I would start there first before I went directly into counseling with a so called professional.
GrandpaJuly 14, 2017
The best thing my wife and I did when we married was to move a thousand miles away from family (the beginning of a military career). Both our families were very strong and had definite and conflicting expectations, and moving took us out of both spheres and allowed us to establish "our" family. When a job opportunity returned us to the area our families lived in, we were ready to associate with them on our terms and not theirs.
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