Maybe during the affair he found someone who helped him to feel differently about himself. If after the affair he had recognised that being healthy was something that should have been going on during the marriage, then he is going to keep it up. It is probably about his self esteem and not the affair. Talking to each other is the only way to resolve this issue.
hollandparkSeptember 20, 2016
This was very affirming,comforting and validating words for this wife. Completely true.
But highly unlikely that the husband will agree to putting her and her feelings and concerns ahead of his own wants and desires. If he was selfish enough to have an affair in the first place, why would he be willing or agreeable to be so concerned and careful about her and her feelings now? One of the hallmarks of those who care more about themselves than others (ie: those who would have an affair) usually includes them failing to have the intellectual honesty to acknowledge the validity of the pain or feelings of others.
I completely understand this wife's concerns. Wish her the best. Hope he steps up, surprises everyone, and puts her feelings ahead of his own.
SolutionSeptember 18, 2016
The thought that I am having is that the husband's current exercise program should be replaced with a different program in which the husband and wife are exercising together, and keep up this program going at least until the wife can "trust" that his exercising is not a form of keeping a flame alive for the affair. Exercising together could turn into a way of further reconnecting and healing.
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BrissySeptember 20, 2016
Maybe during the affair he found someone who helped him to feel differently about himself. If after the affair he had recognised that being healthy was something that should have been going on during the marriage, then he is going to keep it up. It is probably about his self esteem and not the affair. Talking to each other is the only way to resolve this issue.
hollandparkSeptember 20, 2016
This was very affirming,comforting and validating words for this wife. Completely true. But highly unlikely that the husband will agree to putting her and her feelings and concerns ahead of his own wants and desires. If he was selfish enough to have an affair in the first place, why would he be willing or agreeable to be so concerned and careful about her and her feelings now? One of the hallmarks of those who care more about themselves than others (ie: those who would have an affair) usually includes them failing to have the intellectual honesty to acknowledge the validity of the pain or feelings of others. I completely understand this wife's concerns. Wish her the best. Hope he steps up, surprises everyone, and puts her feelings ahead of his own.
SolutionSeptember 18, 2016
The thought that I am having is that the husband's current exercise program should be replaced with a different program in which the husband and wife are exercising together, and keep up this program going at least until the wife can "trust" that his exercising is not a form of keeping a flame alive for the affair. Exercising together could turn into a way of further reconnecting and healing.
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