You are both married and loyal to each other. This shouldn’t even be a question. The fact that there’s a thought to even search an ex lover is a red flag. There are no feelings to be discussed. It’s disrespectful to the marriage and it’s disrespectful to the partners involved. There is no perspective at all. Social media makes cheating “acceptable”, “talk about it”, no nostalgia. Man or woman, you take a risk into opening a can of worms.
I can see both sides to this issue. I think some of the comments were rather harsh; the usual "it's all the man's fault" thinking that is all too alive in the church. When I started looking up old friends, my wife made one request of me -- there was one old girlfriend she asked me not to look up. To me it was silly as I had no intentions other than to see how they were doing. But it was a request from my wife, so I have honored it. In return, when she started searching for old friends, she asked if there was anyone I wanted her to leave alone. As I didn't know any of her old friends, I had no requests. As we have found old friends, we share it with each other. Because of this, my wife has even met some of my old girlfriends I'd never spoken of, and I have told her all about them -- I have no past that I can't share with my wife. If I'd have thought my searching old friends out would upset my wife, then I'd stop -- she's more important than all the old friends. And she feels the same way. I have an awesome wife.
If this is your "hardest family question", thank your lucky stars. And if it bothers you this much, I think the problem is yours, not hers. Most people are curious about what has happened to people formerly in their lives and I seriously doubt that it is an indication that she is unhappy in your marriage. She is just curious, period. If she starts obsessing about this person, then that is a different question, but to just be curious--well, I think that your overreaction to it looks to me like controlling behavior. That, after all, is one of the signs of an abuser! (JK, but see how easy it is to jump to conclusions?)
Well, I was engagés once for six months, then my fiancé abruptly ended the relationship without being willing to have a face-to-face discussion (we were living a long distance from each-other). To justify her decision, she argued that I had been manipulative, etc. I was deeply hurt, both by the break-up and her unfair justifications. I have been blessed with a wonderful wife and three adorable kids, but I have been wondering about what happened to this woman. I found out from Facebook that she had married some kind of Management Consultant and had three or four kids with him, one of whom recently married. All this to say that there was no interest from my part towards her except some curiosity about what could have happened if someone who could behave I such a neurotic manner. So, please.do not always label people that do such things as "unhappy in their marriages" or "seeking to revive old flames."
so if you are inssecure, do not take or allow your spouse to reunions or back to the home towns or colleges for fear of them running into an old someone??
If you can drop the fear, defensiveness, and blame, she’s more likely to explore this with you
Follow this to the letter until there is a reason not to. If she wants to do this...support her. Don't doubt her in any way , or it will turn ugly
If you love her. Be there with her without sarky remarks or ignoring her research. Ask ask ask, laugh, have fun doing this together .
Keep yourself In the loop
You start being jealous or emotionally unsupportive , you lose her. She starts to see you don't live her and you definatley don't support her like a friend / husband should
Women ( if happy in their marriages ) just like " seeing" how people turned out
Its a weird gene, just run with it
If she is not happy, you will soon know
She won't share a thing, it will be all secret. Squirrel
I've come to learn that my college students routinely keep in touch with "exes" these days. I've asked around and it is a common occurrence among young couples at church (who grew up with facebook) to keep in touch with, and still actively communicate with, there exes.
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