Hang in there! My wife is from Asia; we've been married for 16 years. It has not been easy, but if you are both willing to stretch yourselves, to be compassionate and understanding toward each other, and to try to truly understand each other's culture, things get easier. In times like this, earnest prayer can bring powerful revelation on what to do and how to react. God bless you!!
My Gut Says...July 29, 2016
There is more going on here than meets the eye... it's more than just cultural difference. If I had to guess, I would say that there's probably pornography involved, if not other flirtations.
Ruth PackerJuly 29, 2016
The husband seems to have already divorced himself from his wife. My guess is that he is already attracted to another woman. I would suggest these two seek professional counseling quickly. If he won't go, that is another big flag that there is someone else in his life.
Am There, tooJuly 29, 2016
I appreciated both the letter and the reply. My wife and I are from different cultures (although we are from the same country) and the blending of both of our house halves (to use the analogy used in the reply) has not been an easy blending. It takes both partners learning to cooperate and learn what works for them as a couple, regardless of what worked in the culture they brought into the marriage. There is a lot of give and take that needs to be done equally and not just by one. God bless the wife who wrote this letter.
CharlieBrown2292July 29, 2016
Very helpful comments for other struggling couples, but I am afraid that too many things stand between this man and his wife for the marriage to be saved within such a short deadline, especially because the husband appears to be very self-centered and doesn't seem to truly care about his wife.
remarriedJuly 29, 2016
There are some similarities between this woman's situation and my situation with my ex-wife. I was a doctor when she married me. We had a basically good relationship for a while, except for getting into some financial trouble with her extravagant spending. Then our lives hit multiple snags and things got very complicated. I ended up deciding to switch careers, starting a new business. We got along okay while I tried to build up this business, but her income was paying most of our expenses. After a few years, she got tired of this and decided to leave. I was devastated. She became very cold and even abusive.
The irony of the story is that the very week she made the final commitment that she was going to leave, I had an idea given to me by one of my clients in the new business that opened up a door that turned out to be very profitable. The die was cast--she ended up leaving. I was put temporarily in an impossible financial situation and had to declare bankruptcy. But because of the window that was opened, and I am certain that this was divine intervention, I took a new turn with my business and today, nine years later, I am remarried and a millionaire.
I have come to learn that compatibility is overrated as a predictor of marital success. My ex-wife and I were very compatible, more so than my new wife and I. But my ex was simply not committed to the relationship, not willing to suffer together, have faith in me, and was more interested in tearing me down than building me up when things got tough. It's commitment that is the best predictor of marital success--in fact it isn't possible to succeed if either of the two parties has no commitment to the relationship, regardless of how compatible they are. There has to be some willingness to change, to work through and find solutions together. And what's interesting to me about my experiences is that I can now clearly see the hand of the Lord in them. In spite of my 100% commitment to the gospel, tithing, the success of my marriage, everything, I had multiple financial storms all descending on me seemingly at once until she finalized her decision to leave, and at that point the window opened and the light began shining through.
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YuqijunJuly 30, 2016
Hang in there! My wife is from Asia; we've been married for 16 years. It has not been easy, but if you are both willing to stretch yourselves, to be compassionate and understanding toward each other, and to try to truly understand each other's culture, things get easier. In times like this, earnest prayer can bring powerful revelation on what to do and how to react. God bless you!!
My Gut Says...July 29, 2016
There is more going on here than meets the eye... it's more than just cultural difference. If I had to guess, I would say that there's probably pornography involved, if not other flirtations.
Ruth PackerJuly 29, 2016
The husband seems to have already divorced himself from his wife. My guess is that he is already attracted to another woman. I would suggest these two seek professional counseling quickly. If he won't go, that is another big flag that there is someone else in his life.
Am There, tooJuly 29, 2016
I appreciated both the letter and the reply. My wife and I are from different cultures (although we are from the same country) and the blending of both of our house halves (to use the analogy used in the reply) has not been an easy blending. It takes both partners learning to cooperate and learn what works for them as a couple, regardless of what worked in the culture they brought into the marriage. There is a lot of give and take that needs to be done equally and not just by one. God bless the wife who wrote this letter.
CharlieBrown2292July 29, 2016
Very helpful comments for other struggling couples, but I am afraid that too many things stand between this man and his wife for the marriage to be saved within such a short deadline, especially because the husband appears to be very self-centered and doesn't seem to truly care about his wife.
remarriedJuly 29, 2016
There are some similarities between this woman's situation and my situation with my ex-wife. I was a doctor when she married me. We had a basically good relationship for a while, except for getting into some financial trouble with her extravagant spending. Then our lives hit multiple snags and things got very complicated. I ended up deciding to switch careers, starting a new business. We got along okay while I tried to build up this business, but her income was paying most of our expenses. After a few years, she got tired of this and decided to leave. I was devastated. She became very cold and even abusive. The irony of the story is that the very week she made the final commitment that she was going to leave, I had an idea given to me by one of my clients in the new business that opened up a door that turned out to be very profitable. The die was cast--she ended up leaving. I was put temporarily in an impossible financial situation and had to declare bankruptcy. But because of the window that was opened, and I am certain that this was divine intervention, I took a new turn with my business and today, nine years later, I am remarried and a millionaire. I have come to learn that compatibility is overrated as a predictor of marital success. My ex-wife and I were very compatible, more so than my new wife and I. But my ex was simply not committed to the relationship, not willing to suffer together, have faith in me, and was more interested in tearing me down than building me up when things got tough. It's commitment that is the best predictor of marital success--in fact it isn't possible to succeed if either of the two parties has no commitment to the relationship, regardless of how compatible they are. There has to be some willingness to change, to work through and find solutions together. And what's interesting to me about my experiences is that I can now clearly see the hand of the Lord in them. In spite of my 100% commitment to the gospel, tithing, the success of my marriage, everything, I had multiple financial storms all descending on me seemingly at once until she finalized her decision to leave, and at that point the window opened and the light began shining through.
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