I'm sure the wife is reading this, and I just want to say to her that I am sorry she has to deal with such heartbreak. I'm sure if she could have helped save the marriage she would have. Sometimes marriages cannot be salvaged because one party doesn't want to. I hope you will have peace and comfort during this awful time.
My answer: DON'T GET DIVORCED! Be an adult and work it out. 85% of people who divorce after 5 years deeply regret that they did it. If you made covenants in the temple, divorce is NOT without severe consequences. The Lord calls it adultery four times in the New Testament and once in the Book of Mormon. It is evil. It is wrong. Don't put this burden on your children. DON'T get divorced.
It would be good if both of you could come together for the purpose of telling your children about the divorce. A serious agreement of no name-calling or finger-pointing needs to be had first. If you feel the father can honestly accept the responsibility for the infiedility and in helping your children travel through this change in their lives and in revealing this to them, then I urge you to prayerfully consider inviting him to join you in telling the kids. Many times, the person revealing the information is blamed by the children. If you can join together, then the children will be able to ask questions and receive support from both parents. He will still be their father; accessible to them, and loved by him.
I would add, having been a child of divorce and also having been myself divorced that children need to have nurturing relationships by BOTH parents and to have the contact and not be alienated in ANY way by the parents.
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