While I agree that trust and collaboration in making major decisions is primary, she still needs to address some money-related issues. If they are not already filing their Income Tax returns as “Married People Filing Separately,” she should consider insisting on it now. It might cost more money, but if he is not properly paying taxes on these withdrawals, problems could arise. She should talk with a lawyer to assure that her funds are safe from any IRS effort to collect back taxes from him, should any be due. Her employment and earnings history might make it hard for her to be considered an unknowing spouse, and thus exempt.
I agree that trust is at issue here but maybe he didn't say anything because he knew she'd be quite upset and he didn't want to rock the boat. Furthermore, it could be that he has some sort of threshold for wealth and when he surpasses it he's then uncomfortable so he does something to 'fix it'. It could also be that he pays attention to the world economy as well as laws that have been passed and can see that his retirement may not be what people have been taught to plan for so he's making adjustments accordingly. I would just refrain from jumping to conclusions because it may not be what it seems.
no matter what else "questioner" does, she must secure her own future by locking her husband out of her own retirement account. even in retirement, she will wish to guarantee that basic needs are met, and that a real consensus is reached concerning extras and luxuries. her husband is sure to be angered and hurt by these actions, but it was his immature spending habits which destroyed trust and necessitated measures designed to stop the hemorrhaging. don't forget prayer; not only for guidance, but because the Holy Ghost can help you to understand your husband's nature, and to know things that your spouse isn't revealing.
I totally agree that the major issue is trust and the unilateral decision-making, and I also agree that there may be an issue he is spending money on that the wife has no clue about. Believe me, just because he doesn't seem to be "that type" doesn't mean he isn't. No one is immune from temptation, and there are many women out there (myself included) who can tell you about husbands that were doing things they couldn't even imagine they'd even think about, let alone do. Being so far away from each other, he could be living a completely different life she has no idea about; I know that happens often even when you're living in the same house/state.
I respectfully disagree about the use the money is being put to. In my family my uncle who was a lawyer used to say my dad, an entrepreneur, had lost more money than he had made. Dad left more money in the end so who was right? Having said that I agree that trust and clear communication as well as joint decision making is a top priority. Maybe living apart for financial reasons is not the best way to go.......?
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