In response to "A mother may not know", a counselor can help a child when there is an observable emotional problem (whether due to abuse or some other cause).
A counselor cannot verify that "nothing happened" or prove there was abuse. The hospital examined the child and found no evidence of abuse.
The grandmother made accusations multiple times and took the child to the hospital, but there is no mention she saw or heard of any abuse. Now that she has had counseling, what does she say? In this world where we hear so much and so immediately about problems, it is easy for a rational person to develop irrational fears. The grandmother may have given the child a new vocabulary of abuse that a child may falsely project on normal help by the father in discipline, diaper changing, bathing, changing clothes, cuddling, or play.
Our experience with family courts is that fathers are often advised to plead guilty to something even if nothing was done. Few families can afford the legal costs, or endure the emotional duress and the dysfunctional prolonged court process. The social statistics are then biased by these false conclusions.
I think that Greg was right on the money. The grandmother may have unresolved issues from her past. But it is very possible that the mother is missing what is going on in her own home. I am not saying that the husband has done anything wrong but taking the girl to a counseling session to verify that is not a crazy idea. And if the counseling session proves that nothing happen the mom and grandmother can relax. But just because the mother does not see it does not mean it is not happening. I know.
As there in nothing that points to the father actually abusing the child - in fact, everything points to his innocence, why was that a focus?
It seems to me, these parents need to do what's best for the child by cutting off the grandmother. Weekly visits? To a woman who puts a child through what she did? Wouldn't happen in my home.
That woman would be cut off until she could demonstrate that she had sufficient mental stability to be around my family and she would Never be allowed to be alone with my children.
Based on what this mother has said, I strongly disagree with raising questions about trusting the father. There is no evidence of an urgent need or of any abuse. Raising doubts and fears can lead to overreacting and creating worse problems. The urgent question to me is now that the grandmother has received counseling what are her attitudes and perceptions. Also be cautious with therapists who can unintentionally encourage false perceptions for the child.
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