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August 20, 2022

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BradMay 12, 2015


RonMay 11, 2015

I hate to generalize and there may well be circumstances beyond what you're describing, but I think you'd be crazy to move forward with marriage! His kids aside, there would have to be some really good reasons he was twice-divorced (and I can't event imagine what those reasons may be) before I I would even consider marriage. There are things worse than being alone....and this marriage may well be one of them.

AlexMay 10, 2015

What type of environment do you want your child raised in? When I was in a singles ward (16+ years ago) the leaders would often encourage the single women of the ward to see how their fiance treated their mother, this would be a good indicator of how they would treat their wife. Similarly, ask yourself if you are comfortable with the way that your fiance treats his children, because this will give you and idea of how he will treat your kid. Plus, older siblings (even step ones) are role models for younger kids, do you want your kid mimicking the behavior of their step-siblings?

BTMay 10, 2015

I think that when considering remarriage we have the right to know why the other person's previous marriage or marriages ended. Some people feel that they are prying if they ask. I would be concerned if the person did not volunteer this information.

RosieMay 9, 2015

If this man is allowing his teenage kids to drink alcohol in front of him, stop right there. This is illegal. Who is supplying the alcohol? He can be arrested for supplying it. Worst case scenario, the teens are visiting on the weekend, you 2 decide to go out, his teens decide to have a few friends over to party while they're supposed to be babysitting. I say this as a convert who was bartending when I first heard about the church. And who, after becoming a member, wound up marrying a nice nonmember guy who turned out to be a closet alcoholic. Nightmare. Alcohol addiction is not something to fool around with. It can start early. If your fiance won't discuss his teen's alcohol use, run like the wind.

bfwebsterMay 9, 2015

I found myself unexpectedly divorced at age 32, and a year later was preparing to remarry, with a woman (Sandra) who had five kids of her own (my former wife and I had joint custody of our four). My oldest sister, who has a few years earlier gone through a divorce and a remarriage to a man, again with children on both sides, gave me a heads-up: she said that step-parenting issues were the most difficult in second (and successive) marriages. She was right. We naturally tolerate -- or find it easier to tolerate -- behavior in our own biological children that we find intolerable in step-children. Likewise, children who might be disobedient and disrespectful towards their own parents tend to be far more dismissive/hostile towards stepparents. Sandra and I spent 20 years raising those kids together and during that period spent vast amounts of time talking about them. Issues with each other's children were always the toughest and most painful. And there are still issues, due to choices by our kids, that we still have to deal with to this day. Don't misunderstand: we loved and love each other madly, and we loved and love all 9 of our kids (as well as a few more 'semi-adopted' ones we've sort of picked up along the way). But don't underestimate how difficult or painful step-parenting issues will be, particular given the situation described in the letter above. They can easily tear a marriage apart.



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