Thanks for sharing your experience. Sadly we are quick to judge ourselves and others harshly without understanding underlying challenges, both physical and psychological. I had always planned on returning to school when my youngest entered first grade. That's about the same time I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It wasn't until that same child interviewed me for a college paper that I realized how that disease had impacted my energy levels. I was giving all I had to raise my children and serve in the church and community. A Master's degree wasn't really an option. It is difficult when our bodies aren't capable of doing what we want them to. A great reminder to be kind to ourselves and those around us.
Debrah RoundyFebruary 5, 2025
I know how you feel. Like a lot of women in the past, I have a big tummy. I was fat, I knew it . Yet my legs and arms are skinny. I dieted and was only a bit over weight. Just my tummy was fat, in fact, I looked and still look around 8 months pregnant. I am a missionary in a place where many families have a lot of people and women will often gesture to congratulate me on the new on to be. But I am 72 years old, so I take it as a flattering comment that they must think I am MUCH younger than I look.
My doctor just thought I was fat, I saw a physical therapist, and he said the muscles were torn and there was nothing I could do. This was in the 1980's. I am not sure we even had CT scans back then.
Then, I went in for a physical for our next mission while still on a mission in a small island country. The doctor checked me well, thinking I could have a tumor or something. Then she said, everything appears normal but I think you should have a CT scan, so I did. Now we have CT scans and the truth was told. That six-pack or muscles was in hiding, clear behind my hip bones. There was a surgery for it now, but they advised not to do it at my age, and I agree. The magnificent The paper thin linea alba and a thin (no fat there) layer of skin are all there is to hold my intestines. BUT there are exercises I can do to keep my back strong. There is a brace I can wear, and that, ladies, is why our grandmas wore a girdle. All the talk in the 60-70's about a girdle being bad for women to wear was right for some, but for many of us, it was just what was needed, a laced up girdle to hold in the intestines spilling out.
I decided to embrace myself a momma who had 5 big, beautiful, healthy babies, and accept that resurrection morning is coming and my turn is coming to have a new and improved body.
Young gals nowadays are evaluated after pregnancy and given the right exercises to bring the muscles back together in most cases.
Modern medicine with all the bells and whistles has come so far. My children do not need to have this even if they have big babies. Exercise and even surgery for young mothers give options while I had none.
Just knowing makes such a difference! And if anyone gives me a snide remark, I can top him or her lovingly with the truth, too.
Sure glad I took time to read this wonderful article. I hope my comments will help some others out there who still like young enough to be eight months pregnant and well over 55 or so.
BeckyFebruary 4, 2025
What a relief that must of been. It’s a good reminder not to judge by appearances. We can always see the cause of some people’s behavior. Thank you for the reminder to be kind and not judge.
Lisa ReisingFebruary 4, 2025
Thank you for writing this article Kimberly! Your experience is instructive and inspiring, and very like a validating diagnosis I've had recently. Ever since puberty my body changed dramatically as I struggled with legs and hips that hurt and were larger than what our culture deems beautiful. I agonized over this for years, with countless numbers of professionals (meaning doctors) giving me diet advice that never worked - which I translated as MY failture, MY weakness. Turns out I have an autoimmune conditon called lipedema, recently understood more, triggered by estrogen-driven life events.
Even though it is not something that can be reversed, there are helpful advances in treating the most uncomfortable aspects of it. Most importantly, I feel liberated from berating myself for being weak, ignorant, and faithless despite my best efforts to change things.
We are all so individual in body and spirit. Let's give ourselves and others the benefit of seeing people as valuable in what they can do, rather than whispered about for what they can't do. We have so much to yet learn about how our bodies work - scientists and doctors are learning too! I have considerable confidence that our Father knows our potential and very real contributions - loving us for doing the best we can in a very imperfect world filled with imperfect humans.
Christy RutherfordFebruary 4, 2025
I can certainly understand what you were going through. I have lived with a rare syndrome for 25 years and after dozens of doctors and specialists, and even unnecessary surgeries, they couldn't find the cause of my constant pain. Then one day I was visiting a doctor for an unrelated illness when she asked why I was taking pain meds. I told her about my symptoms, and she asked one simple question. With my affirmative response, she exclaimed, "I know what that is!" She named the syndrome and said she had seen it once 20 years earlier. Like you, there isn't a cure, but they can treat the pain. I was excited to know it wasn't all in my head! Thank you for sharing your story!
Jocelyn MichaelFebruary 4, 2025
Thank you for uncovering another reason to be judgeless.
GTOFebruary 4, 2025
I was guessing ED before you revealed it. I'm similar, with hypermobility and connective tissue disease (non-ED). I'm nearly done with my mortal life, but looking back, I see the evidences in my childhood that weren't diagnosed until past middle age. All the best to you and thanks for sharing the lessons learned.
Joan WFebruary 4, 2025
I really appreciated this article. As one suffering from an affliction not visible to most I worry about how I’m judged. This touches me. There are many invisible challenges that everyone deals with. The same kindness and love that is given to those with visible problems can be shown to those less obvious. I will be kinder and I hope others will be too.
TrudyFebruary 4, 2025
I I really feel for you, our daughter was diagnosed finally with Ehlers-Danilo’s about a year ago and it is a nightmare that has really been tough. She has 4 children and is now in a wheelchair for things like Grocery shopping as she finds it difficult to walk distances anymore. For a long time she was kind of labelled as a fake and hypochondriac but no…. Ehlers Damlos and about 6/7 out of the 13 subconditions - they are still testing for those.
Michael BrashearFebruary 4, 2025
We do not have a sign on our forehead announcing, “Here comes so and so, she has X and Y going on in her life right now. Treat with love and mercy.” That is an assumption that must come from the heart, and the Spirit.
Comments | Return to Story
JenniferFebruary 6, 2025
Thanks for sharing your experience. Sadly we are quick to judge ourselves and others harshly without understanding underlying challenges, both physical and psychological. I had always planned on returning to school when my youngest entered first grade. That's about the same time I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It wasn't until that same child interviewed me for a college paper that I realized how that disease had impacted my energy levels. I was giving all I had to raise my children and serve in the church and community. A Master's degree wasn't really an option. It is difficult when our bodies aren't capable of doing what we want them to. A great reminder to be kind to ourselves and those around us.
Debrah RoundyFebruary 5, 2025
I know how you feel. Like a lot of women in the past, I have a big tummy. I was fat, I knew it . Yet my legs and arms are skinny. I dieted and was only a bit over weight. Just my tummy was fat, in fact, I looked and still look around 8 months pregnant. I am a missionary in a place where many families have a lot of people and women will often gesture to congratulate me on the new on to be. But I am 72 years old, so I take it as a flattering comment that they must think I am MUCH younger than I look. My doctor just thought I was fat, I saw a physical therapist, and he said the muscles were torn and there was nothing I could do. This was in the 1980's. I am not sure we even had CT scans back then. Then, I went in for a physical for our next mission while still on a mission in a small island country. The doctor checked me well, thinking I could have a tumor or something. Then she said, everything appears normal but I think you should have a CT scan, so I did. Now we have CT scans and the truth was told. That six-pack or muscles was in hiding, clear behind my hip bones. There was a surgery for it now, but they advised not to do it at my age, and I agree. The magnificent The paper thin linea alba and a thin (no fat there) layer of skin are all there is to hold my intestines. BUT there are exercises I can do to keep my back strong. There is a brace I can wear, and that, ladies, is why our grandmas wore a girdle. All the talk in the 60-70's about a girdle being bad for women to wear was right for some, but for many of us, it was just what was needed, a laced up girdle to hold in the intestines spilling out. I decided to embrace myself a momma who had 5 big, beautiful, healthy babies, and accept that resurrection morning is coming and my turn is coming to have a new and improved body. Young gals nowadays are evaluated after pregnancy and given the right exercises to bring the muscles back together in most cases. Modern medicine with all the bells and whistles has come so far. My children do not need to have this even if they have big babies. Exercise and even surgery for young mothers give options while I had none. Just knowing makes such a difference! And if anyone gives me a snide remark, I can top him or her lovingly with the truth, too. Sure glad I took time to read this wonderful article. I hope my comments will help some others out there who still like young enough to be eight months pregnant and well over 55 or so.
BeckyFebruary 4, 2025
What a relief that must of been. It’s a good reminder not to judge by appearances. We can always see the cause of some people’s behavior. Thank you for the reminder to be kind and not judge.
Lisa ReisingFebruary 4, 2025
Thank you for writing this article Kimberly! Your experience is instructive and inspiring, and very like a validating diagnosis I've had recently. Ever since puberty my body changed dramatically as I struggled with legs and hips that hurt and were larger than what our culture deems beautiful. I agonized over this for years, with countless numbers of professionals (meaning doctors) giving me diet advice that never worked - which I translated as MY failture, MY weakness. Turns out I have an autoimmune conditon called lipedema, recently understood more, triggered by estrogen-driven life events. Even though it is not something that can be reversed, there are helpful advances in treating the most uncomfortable aspects of it. Most importantly, I feel liberated from berating myself for being weak, ignorant, and faithless despite my best efforts to change things. We are all so individual in body and spirit. Let's give ourselves and others the benefit of seeing people as valuable in what they can do, rather than whispered about for what they can't do. We have so much to yet learn about how our bodies work - scientists and doctors are learning too! I have considerable confidence that our Father knows our potential and very real contributions - loving us for doing the best we can in a very imperfect world filled with imperfect humans.
Christy RutherfordFebruary 4, 2025
I can certainly understand what you were going through. I have lived with a rare syndrome for 25 years and after dozens of doctors and specialists, and even unnecessary surgeries, they couldn't find the cause of my constant pain. Then one day I was visiting a doctor for an unrelated illness when she asked why I was taking pain meds. I told her about my symptoms, and she asked one simple question. With my affirmative response, she exclaimed, "I know what that is!" She named the syndrome and said she had seen it once 20 years earlier. Like you, there isn't a cure, but they can treat the pain. I was excited to know it wasn't all in my head! Thank you for sharing your story!
Jocelyn MichaelFebruary 4, 2025
Thank you for uncovering another reason to be judgeless.
GTOFebruary 4, 2025
I was guessing ED before you revealed it. I'm similar, with hypermobility and connective tissue disease (non-ED). I'm nearly done with my mortal life, but looking back, I see the evidences in my childhood that weren't diagnosed until past middle age. All the best to you and thanks for sharing the lessons learned.
Joan WFebruary 4, 2025
I really appreciated this article. As one suffering from an affliction not visible to most I worry about how I’m judged. This touches me. There are many invisible challenges that everyone deals with. The same kindness and love that is given to those with visible problems can be shown to those less obvious. I will be kinder and I hope others will be too.
TrudyFebruary 4, 2025
I I really feel for you, our daughter was diagnosed finally with Ehlers-Danilo’s about a year ago and it is a nightmare that has really been tough. She has 4 children and is now in a wheelchair for things like Grocery shopping as she finds it difficult to walk distances anymore. For a long time she was kind of labelled as a fake and hypochondriac but no…. Ehlers Damlos and about 6/7 out of the 13 subconditions - they are still testing for those.
Michael BrashearFebruary 4, 2025
We do not have a sign on our forehead announcing, “Here comes so and so, she has X and Y going on in her life right now. Treat with love and mercy.” That is an assumption that must come from the heart, and the Spirit.
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