I can hardly imagine how boring life would be with only adults in it. Babies bring so much joy to our lives. Heaven wouldn't be as heavenly without them. I am grateful that the circle of life continues into the next kingdom. This is why our bodies are made this way.
kjcoJanuary 3, 2025
The ramifications of declining, below-replacement birthrates in rich, developed countries and increasing, above-replacement birthrates in poor, developing countries are actually a fulfillment of prophecy. Toward the end of the Book of Mormon, Moroni bids farewell to the Gentiles, likely more than just one of his repeated farewells. He is almost sadly bidding us (gentiles) good riddance as he says the remnant of Jacob will be taking our place.
Over the last thirty years those (mostly lds) family and friends with whom I have brought up the demographic winter and it's consequences, other than a shrug, is a deer in the headlights look of "you don't expect ME to have (have had) more children do you?" as if it's a hot potato they don't want to be stuck with. I only bring it up to raise awareness, not guilt.
I also don't judge people who have not "replaced themselves" --people have their reasons. I do however, tend to be a bit frustrated and offended by those who loudly mock people who do--the childless by choice as a fad thing.
That attitude of mocking has and continues to affect so many people--especially the elderly--I know who now have no one in their lives to care for them because they were worried about socially acceptable family size. I also know too many who suffer greatly due to abortion. It never hurts just one person, it destroys nations.
For we who are lds AND "gentiles", I think it behooves us to focus more on our identity as the House of Israel than our gentile heritage/culture. Sacrifice is not a dirty word, it's one we should consider.
MaryannJanuary 1, 2025
I think the two major reasons people choose to have no children at all are 1) Concern about finances, 2) Believing that it's just too difficult, and they have plans for an easier life with more "freedom" to do as they please. My husband and I were blessed with seven children. They are all grown with families of their own now, but when we look back, we often ask ourselves: How on earth did we provide for them? How did we survive walking the halls at church, Dr bills, providing for their physical and emotional needs, and on and on and on? I believe the answer is faith. We knew we were pleasing the Lord by bringing these children into our home. We had faith that He would help us to fulfill what he asked us to do. I am not suggesting that everyone needs to have a large family. That is a very personal decision. President David O. McKay taught that the well being of the mother needs to be a primary consideration. This includes sensitivity for her physical, mental, and emotional health. We need to respect one another's choices. However, we are not of the world. We recognize that Heavenly Father has never revoked the commandment to replenish the earth. For some that may be 2 children, and for others more. And, of course, many are unable to have children. Whatever, the situation, we need to love one another, and withhold judgement.
Laura LesebergDecember 31, 2024
In couples I see that chose not to have children, I fee; the reasons were very "me" centered: Careers, life style, unwilling to commit to a family.
When we started our family in the mid-1970's, we wanted six. I had a VERY traumatic birth with #1 and felt I couldn't ever do that again. In spite of that, spontaneous pregnancies occurred and each had difficulties - premature birth, my hospitalization for 3+ months to keep a pregnancy viable (thank heaven for family help!), post partum infections, etc. With #3 baby, I face severe pressure to have permanent sterilization, but felt it wasn't right for us. When I presented with a 4th pregnancy, I was made to feel like a criminal for having four children and 4 C-sections. How grateful we are to have all the children and I survive our many hurdles! We were a military family and dragged those kids all over the world - grateful to have had medical care that covered all the expenses of bringing them into the world. Having children is an act of faith and prayer - I am confident that the Lord will show us the right path.
CraigDecember 31, 2024
Thank you for this article. I feel this relates in my family too. I have five boys and right now my three oldest are really struggling with the dating scene. All three served missions and one has already graduated college and the other chose a different career path that wasn’t college, and the middle is just starting college. They want and hope to get married, but the struggle they are having is finding young women who are mature (most of the girls they date still act like they are in high school) and actually want to be married for the right reasons and not just for the social status. Their biggest complaint is the girls they find are way too involved in the Instagram/social media culture and that everything they (the girls) do has to be splashed all over the internet and/or they are permanently looking down at their phone, even while attending church or on a date. Additionally, my son who didn’t go to college still attends the YSA ward and when the young women find out he didn’t go to college (although he is really successful in his career) they aren’t interested in dating him. It seems, just based on my perceptions, that the social media and smartphone addictions (especially among young women) has become a huge stumbling block to marriage in the church.
Ron43December 30, 2024
Per Japanese TV, "by the year 2100 the population of Japan will be one half of what it is today." 123.7mil. to 61.85mil. that is the Canary. The rest of the world to follow. No more SSI
ShanaDecember 30, 2024
I’m grateful for this discussion. Your approach is so wise as we really cannot know another’s heart and intent on this matter. As a young girl and teenager, I did not long for motherhood. I did not enjoy babysitting or helping with younger kids much. (I was an oldest child and my mother ran a daycare. I felt overloaded with opportunities to help with and nurture children). Something happened on my mission. It is a very personal experience and I do not share it as an expectation for how others ought to choose regarding having children. One day as a missionary, I saw children living in very sad and desperate situation. My heart ached. I wondered why so many of God’s children are born to such difficult situations. I prayed with such intensity to know my part. An answer came so clearly “I have to send them to someone. Those who have the gospel and the means enough to bless my children are choosing not to have very many.” I vowed then and there that I would be open to having children…all that God would send me. Later on my mission I read a church published manual with a quote warning about the sad consequences of birth control. The church doesn’t use the same phrasing concerning birth control as it did in previous times. I married soon after my mission. We were poor college students. We had our first child less than a year after being married. We had a second child 17 months later, We were close to due with our third baby when we both graduated from BYU. I wouldn’t change a thing. We had another child a few years later….and then a miscarriage and then nothing. I thought we might be finished. We had our last child 6 years later and then another miscarriage. I’m SO grateful we had children while we were in school. Had we waited until after graduation to prepare for and start our family, I’m afraid we would only have our two youngest. Infertility might have been my struggle if we had waited til we could buy a home. Infertility is definitely on the rise, but I also wonder if having children sooner would prevent some from experiencing infertility and/or longing for more children. Though I’m also a believer that women who long for children such as Hannah in the OT, are witnesses to all of us about the treasure children are. God needs witnesses of truth and when a woman who struggles to conceive expresses her heart, it is so powerful because we immediately understand the truth about and the value of children being born to parents who want them and will love and care for them. We ought to be humble enough to want and love children in our presence as much as the Savior did. As one of the comments above described, children have a profound effect on each of us….our humility determines how children will bless our lives….and how we will bless their lives as well.
TMDecember 29, 2024
I think there are many factors that go into this issue. It would be difficult to narrow it down but here is what I see on my experience. I wasn’t able to conceive due to infertility for a long time but I also was emotionally immature and those years of infertility have given me great appreciation for the miracle it is to be able to have children. I think we live in a world that is presenting a lot of problems with physical health and fertility. Second, Today I see a lot of people that don’t know how to have a healthy/happy home life and many people don’t even believe it’s possible. I think parenting skills that used to be passed down from generation to generation has been replaced by peer attachment and a loss of ability for people to mature. Look up Dr Nuefeld from Canada, he has extensive research on the topic. I think Peer attachment has been prevalent since the 1950’s and it has destroyed the concept of nuclear family relationships. We have lost nurturing skills and destroyed the authority of parents. Authority itself is seen as toxic when righteous and loving authority is a positive thing in children’s lives. The pull of the world by institutions like school, sports , music, academics had replaced the core of family life. We feel pressure to produce children that can show something of value to the world, so we seek it through all these peer-attached activities. Excellence should be a part of life but we must learn to live and love within families first and foremost. Teach joyful living and kids will have a desire to grow in all the ways God intends which includes having their own families. “ Seek first the Kingdom of God and then all these things will be added to you.” We have in many instances sought to have our children find a place in the world too soon and show their measurable talents to the world when we really need to focus on the things that can’t be measured. Love, compassion, forgiveness etc. I am beginning to raise my kids through teenage years and the pressure I feel for my kids to have something to show for their existence is intense. I have children that love each other and are kind to others but that’s not of value today. Third, I think society, in the 90’s pushed divorce so much that every family movie at the time usually had divorced parents and in the length of the movie the kids had come to terms with their parents divorce. That is a fantasy. Divorce is devastating to children. There may be necessary reasons for some divorces but overall we should strive to reconcile differences and choose to love our spouse. Family life has been purposefully shown to be a miserable existence and we have forgotten that love is possible but only by living the principles Jesus Christ taught us.
Sorry writing this on my phone. I hope my thoughts come though clear enough.
CraigDecember 29, 2024
I have grandkids who are married and want children, but are paying 15,000 a semester for school and have health care with high deductables with poor maternity coverage. Some how costs have to come down if we want to solve this problem.
Eunice RobertsonDecember 29, 2024
I had many problems having children, two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy that almost cost me my life. Many hospital visits over the years. But the Lord did bless me with three living children, who started off with health problems, but are still with me today. I wouldn't have minded 6 children, but eventually I had to have all of my reproductive system removed for the sake of my health .I love children and at the age of 77yo, my greatest delight is my children and grandchildren.
SydneyDecember 28, 2024
Thank you for these questions and for all of your work over the years in educating and uplifting parents and families. This topic is of particular interest to me at this time in my life, as I recently gave birth to my first child after three long years of infertility and pursuing IVF treatment to get pregnant. I have always looked forward to the day I would become a mother and I think that my infertility intensified the hoping and preparing for that time, which made it even more incredible when I finally got to meet my son. I know that every sacrifice we make for our children is so worth it. During those years and during the time when I had to delay starting my family because I didn't have a husband, I experienced a lot of heartache and sorrow. I knew that an essential part of my purpose in life was to be a mom and I was so frustrated that it wasn't happening for me. I wonder if I would not have been viewing it through the lens of the Gospel of Jesus Christ how my thinking about it would be different.
I think one aspect of this issue is the modern woman narrative that has become popular, that women need to work outside the home to be fulfilled and having a career is where they will find their value and contribute best to the world; often that diminishes the importance we put on mothering. Now many mothers who wait to have children because they also want a career are finding the balance of career and motherhood much more difficult than what they were told, since it's just really hard to do it all and have it all! I think it's wonderful that we've progressed over time to where women have more options and freedom and equality than they ever have before, but the maternal wisdom of generations of women who took mothering so seriously might be getting lost as we wait until we're old enough or established enough to try it ourselves and our own mothers and grandmothers are no longer around to help. New motherhood can be so brutal and shocking, especially because of a lack of community, having no "village", it kind of makes sense that women in the world don't think having a lot of kids is doable for them.
I have been listening to the recently released book "Hannah's Children" by Catherine Pakaluk and the perspective of women who deliberately choose to have 5+ children (and seem to love their lives!) is very refreshing and eye-opening and for me downright inspiring. Their reasons are of course very personal but almost always based in faith. And the author doesn't think that government financial incentives will ever work to get people to have more kids, because it's not a financial question as much as we think it is. The author also mentioned that while the birth rate is still above replacement in many poorer developing nations, it is also declining in those places; I haven't tried to verify her stats but she is an economist and seems very well researched (also she has 8 kids of her own). Super interesting read!
I've always wanted a large family and now I'm facing the possibility of running out of time to have as many kids as I hoped for in this life, but I know that is not something I can worry about right now. I am very overwhelmed but also grateful to be at the beginning of this amazing adventure of parenthood. My husband and I had the most sacred moments of our lives when our son was born and I wish everyone could have that to open the eyes of their spiritual understanding and really appreciate the gift that it is to be a mother or a father. It's indescribable but truly the most wonderful thing in the world. It's so easy to lose the grand perspective of eternity in the everyday challenge of being a parent but it must be incredibly important to God for us to learn something through our parenting and to become like our heavenly parents, or why would eternal families be such a focus of the restored gospel?
In the world it is not so popular to be family focused, to want a lot of kids, I think the "zero population" myth is actually still strong in people's minds, many don't recognize the harms of it yet. The reasons why individual couples, even couples in the church are choosing not to have kids (or to wait) is also varied and hard to say without outright asking them. I have two married brothers who have delayed having kids for years and I don't feel comfortable asking them exactly why but I get some ideas based on their lifestyles and certain conversations, so I could speculate but maybe I shouldn't. I think it comes down to whether the couple desires to bring children into the world more than they fear the ways it may intrude on their freedoms and lifestyle, because we don't really live in a very kid or family friendly world. Even if it was family-friendly, raising a family would still be HARD, and people see the hard things that their friends and family members go through when they have kids. So maybe it has to do with a lack of understanding or lack of remembering the importance of that commandment given to Adam and Eve? But we can't judge couples who seem to be "waiting" as lacking faith, because we just don't know and it's such a personal thing. I am glad that most people have realized that outright asking strangers at church "why don't you have kids yet?" isn't okay and causes a lot of pain for couples battling infertility.
For us, the question was do we trust God to guide our family building efforts? I feel blessed to have had the experience I did in trying to start my family because it was so clear to me that my desire to be a mom and determination to try was a good desire from God, and that the answer was to move forward. I know not everyone has that but it definitely built my faith so I am grateful.
Probably way too long for a comment, sorry! I'm glad for the opportunity to share, thank you for opening up the conversation!
KfbDecember 28, 2024
I am a faithful member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I get frustrated with people not wanting children and I feel bad for those who can’t and want them and then so many people getting abortions and could give those children to families that really want them. I have a 26 year old daughter that has never even been on a real date and is frustrated with the dating scene, I have a married son who are trying to get pregnant but haven’t been able to and a daughter that is pregnant with her third and I do wonder how she will handle a third child because she has a hard time with two although I am glad she is having another one. I just hope she can handle it mentally. I worry about everyone getting older and running out of social security and running out of workers to take care of the elderly. If they don’t want to have children because it cramps their lifestyle, they definitely aren’t going to want to take care of the elderly. Having children helps you to learn how to sacrifice, think of others before yourself, how to love more and better, and it helps you understand how our heavenly parents feel about us. Anyway, I love your articles and all your books and glad you are making a difference in the world.
HelenCDecember 27, 2024
I wish these questions were in a survey format. All I can say is as a young wife in the 70s I was already meeting people who refused to have children ostensibly due to population concerns but largely, IMHO, to avoid the trouble of raising kids.
My 3 top answers would be:
Can’t afford it
Messed up world
No suitable partner
Jennifer GovernoDecember 27, 2024
This is a tender topic for me.
We experienced secondary infertility after our first child. I tried for 30 years to have a second without success.
Every time I prayed for direction to do infertility treatments I felt prompted not to.
Every time we approached fostering or adoption, I was prompted to wait.
I felt like people judged me for not doing any of those things, and I felt like a failure.
Last year, we had the opportunity to adopt and be sealed to two teenagers in our ward, the oldest (a son) moved out shortly after, but our daughter is still with us.
I still feel a physical and spiritual ache that there is a child waiting for me that I haven't found yet.
I worked many years in L&D and NICU as a RN and helped many babies come into the world. The sacred feeling of that moment when they are born, I have no mortal words I can use to express.
It breaks my heart to think about people purposely choosing not to have children, if they are in a position to love them in a marriage that can support them.
Maybe that is why the birth rate in underdeveloped countries is rising as in wealthier countries it falls-
As people with more resources turn to self-interests and pursuits of pleasure and wealth, instead of choosing to have children, those spirits instead are born to more humble people in more dire circumstances, who are willing to have them (or have less means to prevent it).
I don't know for sure, but I think often about how the earth could be affected by those who refuse to "turn their hearts to the fathers" and even more so, those who refuse to "turn their hearts" to the children.
The earth would be utterly wasted if we refuse to allow our posterity to even be here to inherit it.
Harold RustDecember 27, 2024
A related question for a community or nation could be: “Do adults benefit in significant ways when they have frequent interaction with children?” And, “Are people generally happier or more disgruntled when in the presence of lots of children/teens.?”
My personal belief is that some hit real lows when being “bothered” by young kids in their presence while others feel some of their highest highs as they watch or talk with or successfully teach children.
KevinDecember 27, 2024
I really appreciate this article covering this important topic. I think the adversary has done a great job distracting so many from fulfilling this commandment. My wife and I have been very prayerful about this and despite health challenges and financial uncertainties, we've been blessed with 6 kids. I know they are supposed to be here at this time to help prepare the world for the Second Coming.
Frank E MerrillDecember 27, 2024
Large families were, and I believe still are, the original "Social Security."
Comments | Return to Story
Gordon HensleyJanuary 29, 2025
I can hardly imagine how boring life would be with only adults in it. Babies bring so much joy to our lives. Heaven wouldn't be as heavenly without them. I am grateful that the circle of life continues into the next kingdom. This is why our bodies are made this way.
kjcoJanuary 3, 2025
The ramifications of declining, below-replacement birthrates in rich, developed countries and increasing, above-replacement birthrates in poor, developing countries are actually a fulfillment of prophecy. Toward the end of the Book of Mormon, Moroni bids farewell to the Gentiles, likely more than just one of his repeated farewells. He is almost sadly bidding us (gentiles) good riddance as he says the remnant of Jacob will be taking our place. Over the last thirty years those (mostly lds) family and friends with whom I have brought up the demographic winter and it's consequences, other than a shrug, is a deer in the headlights look of "you don't expect ME to have (have had) more children do you?" as if it's a hot potato they don't want to be stuck with. I only bring it up to raise awareness, not guilt. I also don't judge people who have not "replaced themselves" --people have their reasons. I do however, tend to be a bit frustrated and offended by those who loudly mock people who do--the childless by choice as a fad thing. That attitude of mocking has and continues to affect so many people--especially the elderly--I know who now have no one in their lives to care for them because they were worried about socially acceptable family size. I also know too many who suffer greatly due to abortion. It never hurts just one person, it destroys nations. For we who are lds AND "gentiles", I think it behooves us to focus more on our identity as the House of Israel than our gentile heritage/culture. Sacrifice is not a dirty word, it's one we should consider.
MaryannJanuary 1, 2025
I think the two major reasons people choose to have no children at all are 1) Concern about finances, 2) Believing that it's just too difficult, and they have plans for an easier life with more "freedom" to do as they please. My husband and I were blessed with seven children. They are all grown with families of their own now, but when we look back, we often ask ourselves: How on earth did we provide for them? How did we survive walking the halls at church, Dr bills, providing for their physical and emotional needs, and on and on and on? I believe the answer is faith. We knew we were pleasing the Lord by bringing these children into our home. We had faith that He would help us to fulfill what he asked us to do. I am not suggesting that everyone needs to have a large family. That is a very personal decision. President David O. McKay taught that the well being of the mother needs to be a primary consideration. This includes sensitivity for her physical, mental, and emotional health. We need to respect one another's choices. However, we are not of the world. We recognize that Heavenly Father has never revoked the commandment to replenish the earth. For some that may be 2 children, and for others more. And, of course, many are unable to have children. Whatever, the situation, we need to love one another, and withhold judgement.
Laura LesebergDecember 31, 2024
In couples I see that chose not to have children, I fee; the reasons were very "me" centered: Careers, life style, unwilling to commit to a family. When we started our family in the mid-1970's, we wanted six. I had a VERY traumatic birth with #1 and felt I couldn't ever do that again. In spite of that, spontaneous pregnancies occurred and each had difficulties - premature birth, my hospitalization for 3+ months to keep a pregnancy viable (thank heaven for family help!), post partum infections, etc. With #3 baby, I face severe pressure to have permanent sterilization, but felt it wasn't right for us. When I presented with a 4th pregnancy, I was made to feel like a criminal for having four children and 4 C-sections. How grateful we are to have all the children and I survive our many hurdles! We were a military family and dragged those kids all over the world - grateful to have had medical care that covered all the expenses of bringing them into the world. Having children is an act of faith and prayer - I am confident that the Lord will show us the right path.
CraigDecember 31, 2024
Thank you for this article. I feel this relates in my family too. I have five boys and right now my three oldest are really struggling with the dating scene. All three served missions and one has already graduated college and the other chose a different career path that wasn’t college, and the middle is just starting college. They want and hope to get married, but the struggle they are having is finding young women who are mature (most of the girls they date still act like they are in high school) and actually want to be married for the right reasons and not just for the social status. Their biggest complaint is the girls they find are way too involved in the Instagram/social media culture and that everything they (the girls) do has to be splashed all over the internet and/or they are permanently looking down at their phone, even while attending church or on a date. Additionally, my son who didn’t go to college still attends the YSA ward and when the young women find out he didn’t go to college (although he is really successful in his career) they aren’t interested in dating him. It seems, just based on my perceptions, that the social media and smartphone addictions (especially among young women) has become a huge stumbling block to marriage in the church.
Ron43December 30, 2024
Per Japanese TV, "by the year 2100 the population of Japan will be one half of what it is today." 123.7mil. to 61.85mil. that is the Canary. The rest of the world to follow. No more SSI
ShanaDecember 30, 2024
I’m grateful for this discussion. Your approach is so wise as we really cannot know another’s heart and intent on this matter. As a young girl and teenager, I did not long for motherhood. I did not enjoy babysitting or helping with younger kids much. (I was an oldest child and my mother ran a daycare. I felt overloaded with opportunities to help with and nurture children). Something happened on my mission. It is a very personal experience and I do not share it as an expectation for how others ought to choose regarding having children. One day as a missionary, I saw children living in very sad and desperate situation. My heart ached. I wondered why so many of God’s children are born to such difficult situations. I prayed with such intensity to know my part. An answer came so clearly “I have to send them to someone. Those who have the gospel and the means enough to bless my children are choosing not to have very many.” I vowed then and there that I would be open to having children…all that God would send me. Later on my mission I read a church published manual with a quote warning about the sad consequences of birth control. The church doesn’t use the same phrasing concerning birth control as it did in previous times. I married soon after my mission. We were poor college students. We had our first child less than a year after being married. We had a second child 17 months later, We were close to due with our third baby when we both graduated from BYU. I wouldn’t change a thing. We had another child a few years later….and then a miscarriage and then nothing. I thought we might be finished. We had our last child 6 years later and then another miscarriage. I’m SO grateful we had children while we were in school. Had we waited until after graduation to prepare for and start our family, I’m afraid we would only have our two youngest. Infertility might have been my struggle if we had waited til we could buy a home. Infertility is definitely on the rise, but I also wonder if having children sooner would prevent some from experiencing infertility and/or longing for more children. Though I’m also a believer that women who long for children such as Hannah in the OT, are witnesses to all of us about the treasure children are. God needs witnesses of truth and when a woman who struggles to conceive expresses her heart, it is so powerful because we immediately understand the truth about and the value of children being born to parents who want them and will love and care for them. We ought to be humble enough to want and love children in our presence as much as the Savior did. As one of the comments above described, children have a profound effect on each of us….our humility determines how children will bless our lives….and how we will bless their lives as well.
TMDecember 29, 2024
I think there are many factors that go into this issue. It would be difficult to narrow it down but here is what I see on my experience. I wasn’t able to conceive due to infertility for a long time but I also was emotionally immature and those years of infertility have given me great appreciation for the miracle it is to be able to have children. I think we live in a world that is presenting a lot of problems with physical health and fertility. Second, Today I see a lot of people that don’t know how to have a healthy/happy home life and many people don’t even believe it’s possible. I think parenting skills that used to be passed down from generation to generation has been replaced by peer attachment and a loss of ability for people to mature. Look up Dr Nuefeld from Canada, he has extensive research on the topic. I think Peer attachment has been prevalent since the 1950’s and it has destroyed the concept of nuclear family relationships. We have lost nurturing skills and destroyed the authority of parents. Authority itself is seen as toxic when righteous and loving authority is a positive thing in children’s lives. The pull of the world by institutions like school, sports , music, academics had replaced the core of family life. We feel pressure to produce children that can show something of value to the world, so we seek it through all these peer-attached activities. Excellence should be a part of life but we must learn to live and love within families first and foremost. Teach joyful living and kids will have a desire to grow in all the ways God intends which includes having their own families. “ Seek first the Kingdom of God and then all these things will be added to you.” We have in many instances sought to have our children find a place in the world too soon and show their measurable talents to the world when we really need to focus on the things that can’t be measured. Love, compassion, forgiveness etc. I am beginning to raise my kids through teenage years and the pressure I feel for my kids to have something to show for their existence is intense. I have children that love each other and are kind to others but that’s not of value today. Third, I think society, in the 90’s pushed divorce so much that every family movie at the time usually had divorced parents and in the length of the movie the kids had come to terms with their parents divorce. That is a fantasy. Divorce is devastating to children. There may be necessary reasons for some divorces but overall we should strive to reconcile differences and choose to love our spouse. Family life has been purposefully shown to be a miserable existence and we have forgotten that love is possible but only by living the principles Jesus Christ taught us. Sorry writing this on my phone. I hope my thoughts come though clear enough.
CraigDecember 29, 2024
I have grandkids who are married and want children, but are paying 15,000 a semester for school and have health care with high deductables with poor maternity coverage. Some how costs have to come down if we want to solve this problem.
Eunice RobertsonDecember 29, 2024
I had many problems having children, two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy that almost cost me my life. Many hospital visits over the years. But the Lord did bless me with three living children, who started off with health problems, but are still with me today. I wouldn't have minded 6 children, but eventually I had to have all of my reproductive system removed for the sake of my health .I love children and at the age of 77yo, my greatest delight is my children and grandchildren.
SydneyDecember 28, 2024
Thank you for these questions and for all of your work over the years in educating and uplifting parents and families. This topic is of particular interest to me at this time in my life, as I recently gave birth to my first child after three long years of infertility and pursuing IVF treatment to get pregnant. I have always looked forward to the day I would become a mother and I think that my infertility intensified the hoping and preparing for that time, which made it even more incredible when I finally got to meet my son. I know that every sacrifice we make for our children is so worth it. During those years and during the time when I had to delay starting my family because I didn't have a husband, I experienced a lot of heartache and sorrow. I knew that an essential part of my purpose in life was to be a mom and I was so frustrated that it wasn't happening for me. I wonder if I would not have been viewing it through the lens of the Gospel of Jesus Christ how my thinking about it would be different. I think one aspect of this issue is the modern woman narrative that has become popular, that women need to work outside the home to be fulfilled and having a career is where they will find their value and contribute best to the world; often that diminishes the importance we put on mothering. Now many mothers who wait to have children because they also want a career are finding the balance of career and motherhood much more difficult than what they were told, since it's just really hard to do it all and have it all! I think it's wonderful that we've progressed over time to where women have more options and freedom and equality than they ever have before, but the maternal wisdom of generations of women who took mothering so seriously might be getting lost as we wait until we're old enough or established enough to try it ourselves and our own mothers and grandmothers are no longer around to help. New motherhood can be so brutal and shocking, especially because of a lack of community, having no "village", it kind of makes sense that women in the world don't think having a lot of kids is doable for them. I have been listening to the recently released book "Hannah's Children" by Catherine Pakaluk and the perspective of women who deliberately choose to have 5+ children (and seem to love their lives!) is very refreshing and eye-opening and for me downright inspiring. Their reasons are of course very personal but almost always based in faith. And the author doesn't think that government financial incentives will ever work to get people to have more kids, because it's not a financial question as much as we think it is. The author also mentioned that while the birth rate is still above replacement in many poorer developing nations, it is also declining in those places; I haven't tried to verify her stats but she is an economist and seems very well researched (also she has 8 kids of her own). Super interesting read! I've always wanted a large family and now I'm facing the possibility of running out of time to have as many kids as I hoped for in this life, but I know that is not something I can worry about right now. I am very overwhelmed but also grateful to be at the beginning of this amazing adventure of parenthood. My husband and I had the most sacred moments of our lives when our son was born and I wish everyone could have that to open the eyes of their spiritual understanding and really appreciate the gift that it is to be a mother or a father. It's indescribable but truly the most wonderful thing in the world. It's so easy to lose the grand perspective of eternity in the everyday challenge of being a parent but it must be incredibly important to God for us to learn something through our parenting and to become like our heavenly parents, or why would eternal families be such a focus of the restored gospel? In the world it is not so popular to be family focused, to want a lot of kids, I think the "zero population" myth is actually still strong in people's minds, many don't recognize the harms of it yet. The reasons why individual couples, even couples in the church are choosing not to have kids (or to wait) is also varied and hard to say without outright asking them. I have two married brothers who have delayed having kids for years and I don't feel comfortable asking them exactly why but I get some ideas based on their lifestyles and certain conversations, so I could speculate but maybe I shouldn't. I think it comes down to whether the couple desires to bring children into the world more than they fear the ways it may intrude on their freedoms and lifestyle, because we don't really live in a very kid or family friendly world. Even if it was family-friendly, raising a family would still be HARD, and people see the hard things that their friends and family members go through when they have kids. So maybe it has to do with a lack of understanding or lack of remembering the importance of that commandment given to Adam and Eve? But we can't judge couples who seem to be "waiting" as lacking faith, because we just don't know and it's such a personal thing. I am glad that most people have realized that outright asking strangers at church "why don't you have kids yet?" isn't okay and causes a lot of pain for couples battling infertility. For us, the question was do we trust God to guide our family building efforts? I feel blessed to have had the experience I did in trying to start my family because it was so clear to me that my desire to be a mom and determination to try was a good desire from God, and that the answer was to move forward. I know not everyone has that but it definitely built my faith so I am grateful. Probably way too long for a comment, sorry! I'm glad for the opportunity to share, thank you for opening up the conversation!
KfbDecember 28, 2024
I am a faithful member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I get frustrated with people not wanting children and I feel bad for those who can’t and want them and then so many people getting abortions and could give those children to families that really want them. I have a 26 year old daughter that has never even been on a real date and is frustrated with the dating scene, I have a married son who are trying to get pregnant but haven’t been able to and a daughter that is pregnant with her third and I do wonder how she will handle a third child because she has a hard time with two although I am glad she is having another one. I just hope she can handle it mentally. I worry about everyone getting older and running out of social security and running out of workers to take care of the elderly. If they don’t want to have children because it cramps their lifestyle, they definitely aren’t going to want to take care of the elderly. Having children helps you to learn how to sacrifice, think of others before yourself, how to love more and better, and it helps you understand how our heavenly parents feel about us. Anyway, I love your articles and all your books and glad you are making a difference in the world.
HelenCDecember 27, 2024
I wish these questions were in a survey format. All I can say is as a young wife in the 70s I was already meeting people who refused to have children ostensibly due to population concerns but largely, IMHO, to avoid the trouble of raising kids. My 3 top answers would be: Can’t afford it Messed up world No suitable partner
Jennifer GovernoDecember 27, 2024
This is a tender topic for me. We experienced secondary infertility after our first child. I tried for 30 years to have a second without success. Every time I prayed for direction to do infertility treatments I felt prompted not to. Every time we approached fostering or adoption, I was prompted to wait. I felt like people judged me for not doing any of those things, and I felt like a failure. Last year, we had the opportunity to adopt and be sealed to two teenagers in our ward, the oldest (a son) moved out shortly after, but our daughter is still with us. I still feel a physical and spiritual ache that there is a child waiting for me that I haven't found yet. I worked many years in L&D and NICU as a RN and helped many babies come into the world. The sacred feeling of that moment when they are born, I have no mortal words I can use to express. It breaks my heart to think about people purposely choosing not to have children, if they are in a position to love them in a marriage that can support them. Maybe that is why the birth rate in underdeveloped countries is rising as in wealthier countries it falls- As people with more resources turn to self-interests and pursuits of pleasure and wealth, instead of choosing to have children, those spirits instead are born to more humble people in more dire circumstances, who are willing to have them (or have less means to prevent it). I don't know for sure, but I think often about how the earth could be affected by those who refuse to "turn their hearts to the fathers" and even more so, those who refuse to "turn their hearts" to the children. The earth would be utterly wasted if we refuse to allow our posterity to even be here to inherit it.
Harold RustDecember 27, 2024
A related question for a community or nation could be: “Do adults benefit in significant ways when they have frequent interaction with children?” And, “Are people generally happier or more disgruntled when in the presence of lots of children/teens.?” My personal belief is that some hit real lows when being “bothered” by young kids in their presence while others feel some of their highest highs as they watch or talk with or successfully teach children.
KevinDecember 27, 2024
I really appreciate this article covering this important topic. I think the adversary has done a great job distracting so many from fulfilling this commandment. My wife and I have been very prayerful about this and despite health challenges and financial uncertainties, we've been blessed with 6 kids. I know they are supposed to be here at this time to help prepare the world for the Second Coming.
Frank E MerrillDecember 27, 2024
Large families were, and I believe still are, the original "Social Security."
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