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April 1, 2023

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QomApril 8, 2017

Interesting thoughts, but not singularly organic to LDS culture

KarenApril 3, 2017

I agree, this is an awesome article and I have had many "ahha" moments even reading through the comments. I have something I would love to be addressed. We tell our young women to dress modestly for our young men so they can have pure thoughts. I agree that we all...male and female need to dress modestly. I believe we all must control out thoughts to or best ability. However, I don't think we should have the young women be responsible...or feel responsible for the impure thoughts of young men. It is a tight rope to walk but women already have far too many things we feel guilt over. Let's teach our young women and young men to dress modestly for themselves.

Andrew HendricksonApril 1, 2017

A great article. I read some of the comments and saddened me that some have been so mistreated by members of the church or offended by well meant but hurtful words by a leader. The church members really do need to grow out of this flawed thought of having to achieve perfection in this life. I love the talk given by Brad Wilcox on the subject of Christ's grace. We all need to be kinder to each other and understand that we ALL fall short. Stop casting stones and love the way Christ loved. As members, we should all understand that Christ ate with the sinners, mingled with the down trodden and lowly of heart. He loved them and so should we. I know that I need to be loved.

KalexMarch 31, 2017

Really Good comments. All of which are things I've had tender feelings about. Still, I love the gospel and the people... even with its flaws.

KMarch 31, 2017

After my son was diagnosed (at age 17) with depression and anxiety, which is genetic, I reached out to the Bishop. I had never reached out for help other than the meals after my babies were born because I always told myself that there were others far more needy than me. His situation grew to be more than I could handle myself and so I contacted my Bishop to talk about it AFTER receiving a lot of encouragement from my family. Long story short: I have never felt more excluded, more ignored, more "you're a waste of my time" than now, now that I have talked to my Bishop and expressed my emotional questions of how to parent of my "sick" child. My child who will never out-grow or get over this illness. I just wanted a listening ear and a caring hand to help me through and what I received is anything but that. I'm now an outcast who is unwelcome in the Bishop's office. It's very sad that we should be able to reach out for emotional help but when we put ourselves out there, vulnerable, we get treated like I did.

Ann Marie CarterApril 20, 2016

I like this article very much! My husband had been taking the missionary discussions and just couldn't get past this crazy idea in his head that he had to be PERFECT before he could be baptized. Then he took the missionary discussions a second time, plus the temple prep classes. My husband grew up in the Church and when he was 8 years old he did three movies for the Church. Then he grew up and made some unwise decisions and ended up being excommunicated. Fast forward to two years ago when he decided to take the missionary discussions and then February 2015 when he was rebaptized! It was an answer to many, many prayers and we finally got him to realize that he didn't need to be perfect before being baptized. But then Satan put it into his head that once he was baptized, he needed to be perfect and remain so or his baptism was for nothing. That being said, he found out that is truly what the Sacrament is about. It's a way to renew those covenants we made at baptism and that everyone makes mistakes, EVERYONE!! We are all in the same boat of just trying our best, working with our strengths, sharing our talents with others, recognizing our weaknesses and asking for help in overcoming those weaknesses. We are now working towards going to the temple to be sealed together as a family and, though there have been some severe roadblocks, we are very close to that goal. We need to learn as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to set attainable goals and rely on our ward family to help us achieve them. My family wouldn't have gotten this far had it not been for the amazing ward family we have, who never pressured my husband to come back to the Church. They were always "just friends" and would tell him they missed him when he didn't go to church and other activities and they always make sure they talk to him and welcome him when he does go.

Elise QuackenbushApril 19, 2016

We emphasize so much on charity, which is wonderful, but we never address how difficult and hard it is for people who have severe introversion, along with social anxiety to deal with this aspect of their lives. We feel helpless when told that we need to reach out more, but all it ever does is paralyze us even further. Even with prayer and constant vigilance, it can *be too much*. Talk about it. Don't ignore it.

KristenApril 18, 2016

I think another myth that I'd love to see addressed heavily in the YW/YM program: if you get married in the temple, you will have your happily ever after. It is often perceived that all will be well with just that. When things go awry, as they ALWAYS do in marriage, then people often feel deceived. In addition, I'd love to see a strong educational emphasis on self-care/self-love, and communication, as the tools to a healthy relationship. So many people come from dysfunctional homes, and they don't know where or even how to break the cycles, even if they see it. Faith is often lost when we think because we have marriage struggles, we have failed.

DanaeApril 18, 2016

So true! I love this! #1 and #3 is how our natural man, AKA Satan, gets us to feel depressed and like we are not good enough. Learning to recognize those negative voices help us get rid of them!

M. SmithApril 18, 2016

The 'Mormon' culture is partly why I remain less active. After a very ugly divorce and subsequent relocation to a prominently LDS community I was basically shunned. I didn't fit the mould of the perfect LDS woman. I was made to feel tainted because I was divorced and therefore less than perfect. I had a temple sealing and was a councillors wife. My x was the one who fell and fell hard. To preserve my sanity I filed. Best day of my life. Fast forward 2 years to the relocation. My new RS president stood nose to nose with me and remarked that "We just don't know where you'll fit in Sister S. We don't know what to do with you. We don't have divorced women in our ward...." The whole experience was exacerbated by "sisters" protecting their men by basically preventing me from publicly talking to my home teachers or bishopric. I sat alone in meetings, I held an essential calling and faithfully tended it and performed it every single week. After 5 years of trying to fit in, I couldn't handle it anymore and stopped going to meetings. *sigh* it hasn't changed.... I still am faithful to the gospel...I just don't subject my emotional self to rejection anymore.

MargaretAugust 19, 2015

When I was suffering from clinical depression several years ago my then Bishop told me I needed to repent because "despair cometh because of iniquity". That did not help. In fact the guilt that piled onto me compounded the problem. It took me a long time to learn that my illness was an illness and was not my fault.

RachelJLApril 24, 2015

I think President Uchtdorf's talk in the most recent Priesthood Session of Conference, "On Being Genuine," goes along really well with this subject: "The Church Is a Place of Healing, Not Hiding But this cannot happen if we hide behind personal, dogmatic, or organizational facades. Such artificial discipleship not only keeps us from seeing ourselves as who we really are, but it also prevents us from truly changing through the miracle of the Savior’s Atonement. The Church is not an automobile showroom—a place to put ourselves on display so that others can admire our spirituality, capacity, or prosperity. It is more like a service center, where vehicles in need of repair come for maintenance and rehabilitation. And are we not, all of us, in need of repair, maintenance, and rehabilitation? We come to church not to hide our problems but to heal them."

Gary WatsonApril 20, 2015

While it is mentioned in passing, the article brushes over one critical element of developing perfection. The Lord cannot not look upon any sin with the least degree of allowance (D&C 1:31). We must be held accountable for every sin committed at any time during our lives, except for the atonement of Christ. It is because of His grace and forgiveness that we have time to develop our perfection. But He requires of us a broken heart, a contrite spirit, and sincere repentance. We can repent at any time, irregardless of past mistakes, and still receive full forgiveness. The article almost implies that our current actions don't matter. Just give it time. They certainly do matter. As long as we do our part, have the desire and intent to do right and are doing the very best we can, the atonement makes up the difference as we make mistakes, grow and develop. There is no need to feel guilty or inadequate.

Wayne DequerApril 20, 2015

Excellent article. These are indeed False myths that are too common!

LisaApril 20, 2015

Asking for emotional help is not that easy. A few years ago, I was going through a hard time and confided in a sister in my ward. She said I needed to pray. AS IF that hadn't occurred to me and AS IF I hadn't been doing it. I would rather have someone watch my kids while I work things out on my own than give me useless crap information/caring like that.

catherineApril 20, 2015

I keep a lot that l think it's just to much to share but some time l feel like telling it then l tell myself that l will be over burdening someone with things that can't be solved. Then then l just live with it on my own. I cry privately and feel Better for some time, then l APoud my self and say one day gone, let's meet the morrow and get it done. I think and strongly feel l have hope and faith that it will come to an end. But l have hate in my heart against my husband and what happened at my mother's side. I only know my mother's side.

SarahApril 19, 2015

I would love to join the conversation.

Renaissance NerdApril 19, 2015

Joseph Smith said: "...and I say unto you that there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner that repenteth than over the ninety-and-nine just persons who are so righteous; they will be damned anyway, you cannot save them." I use this quote on myself all the time to remind myself that "there is none righteous, no, not one." The greatest danger is to think you're all done; nothing more to learn, no more worlds to conquer. If you think you're finished learning, you just might've hit a plateau instead. Unfortunately I have to remind myself all too often, Like many nerds I'm too easily convinced that I'm really really really really extremely very smart, and equate that with wisdom, which it ain't. Information < Knowledge < Understanding < Wisdom.

Cris ColbyApril 18, 2015

"Pick" or "oh, pick". What about that one? I love those wonderful Utah expressions. Those expressions make Utah Mormons special. Let's face it, "by their fruits ye shall know them". There are a lot of wonderful fruits in our Church. The trick is to stay focused on God and strive to become one with your spouse, God, Christ each day through prayer, service, walking the talk, spending time with the scriptures and inspiring Church literature and simply striving to be a thoughtful, caring, kind human being. May God bless us all to live the good life day by day, stay in the boat, and above all become one with Deity in the Celestial Kingdom. Life is good. Thank you Dear God for thy Love and for all that you do for us. Thank you Dear Christ for thy Love and for being our Savior. May we all righteously endure, fight the good fight, and gain our eternal reward with God our Father in the Celestial Kingdom is my prayer.

GuyFromWineCountryApril 18, 2015

Kathleen's comment is spot-on! Just look at the Book of Mormon parallel to Matthew 5:48. The Savior does not include Himself in the "perfection" example we all aspire to, until after He has Ascended to His Father, and then returns to teach the Nephites and Lamanites in 3 Nephi 12:48.

Kathleen StorrerApril 18, 2015

The Savior, himself was not perfect or complete until he had done the will of his father and was resurrected.

David WidtfeldtApril 18, 2015

Having grown up in the church but not in Utah I've frequently seen Utah Mormons identify idiosyncrasies unique to Utah as being common among all Latter-day Saints. Green jello, "Oh my heck" and "fer rude" are Utah-isms and not common among members beyond the shadows of the Wasatch mountains.

JoyceApril 18, 2015

Sometimes the best explanations are the most obvious... and those are the hardest to realize until someone chooses the right words to reach your understanding. Then peace comes with the "aha" moment when we say, "I knew that!" With eight children and 12 grandchildren, I've wished many times to know then what I know now after reading your "spot on" words. Thanks.

LB35April 18, 2015

One other myth worth debunking is the misunderstanding of what the Book of Mormon means when it say "if ye are righteous ye shall prosper in the land". Sometimes the righteous still go through difficult economic circumstances before being blessed with material things. And some of the rich among us got that way by ignoring or even breaking the commandments of God. We need to stop judging ourselves and others based on the things we have. And the same can be said for the callings we have. Many very righteous people never are called to serve in a high profile calling simply because the Lord has called someone else. Yet many people feel like if they are never in one of those callings that they must not be doing something right. It took me a while to understand this one myself, but I am glad I finally did!!

CarolApril 18, 2015

I appreciate the paragraph regarding emotional support. I have often kept things to myself, fearing I will be misunderstood. Perhaps some attention should be paid to teaching leaders and members just how to give emotional support.

Marilyn GApril 17, 2015

I always told my children that God doesn't expect us to be perfect. He just expects us to try. Or as a stake president once taught us: You can be perfect one step at a time. For example, you can be perfect reading scriptures every day. Then you can add saying your prayers every day. And line upon line, precept upon precept, you advance towards perfection. But it take a lifetime plus.

JojoApril 17, 2015

This is a really great post. I hope Meridian publishes more like it, because these are the kind of discussions that need to happen.

KatApril 17, 2015

I'd like to add a 4th myth to the mix: There's only ONE 'right' way to be a Mormon (and interpret scriptures, and live the gospel), and *you* aren't doing it!

Tom ObenchainApril 17, 2015

Thanks for this article. I'm grateful you are helping people recognize these myths. So important!

AlisaApril 17, 2015

Thank you for this thoughtful post. It is so important to identify some of these cultural pitfalls so that we can work forward in correcting them.

Bob WellsApril 17, 2015

Beautifully stated. We can also remember that the poor (in spirit and economically) will always be with us and this creates an ample opportunity for us to grow in charity and love as we not only serve our fellows but learn to organize and manage resources specifically to do so. That seems to be part of the Lord's plan to perfect everyone.

Kim EggintonApril 17, 2015

Well said, Julie! We are far too hard on ourselves...Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...and just keep singing! :)



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