I'm sorry that was your experience and I hope you don't feel ill-used because I used your comment as an example. I too have met other women who've treated their husbands (or now ex-husbands) the way you described. Don't let it poison the pot for you though. I know that's easier said than done. I hope that you get the chance to be with a new someone that appreciates your efforts and makes an effort for you too. --Mariah
Without going back to check, I'll admit that Boy B was probably me. Although if that's the case, I know there was some more context surrounding that statement than what was presented here. The key word for both men and women is "many," not "all" or "most." I've known plenty of men with excessive confidence and more than enough women who are constantly trying to improve themselves. I think my comment was more focused on the messages we give to these groups than the resultant behavior. Also, this comment was made while I was going through a divorce where a lot of these attitudes were manifest. Despite providing for my family, trying my best to serve my wife, caring for my children and serving in the bishopric at church, my wife was constantly complaining about how I wasn't doing enough for her. Meanwhile she was always coming up with reasons why she shouldn't be expected to do the things that were her responsibilities or improve herself. I don't want to project my ex-wife's attitude onto every woman out there, but I also know that she's not the only woman to ever act this way.
I really liked your comment, Brad. Some women (and men for that matter) need to get that message.
And Mariah, you're spot on with this article. I can't describe how much a woman's goodwill and encouragement brighten our lives and inspire us to be our best.
Well Mr. Brad, I hope you don't give up on the LDS women completely. You are clearly an articulate guy, quick-witted and accomplished, but if you use your wits to make people feel good instead of to lace your darts I think you'll find that you'll be met with more warmth and less entitlement. There are a lot of incredible ladies out there and I'm sorry that you've had such bad experiences with them. We're all just doing the best that we can and fumbling our way through the vulnerability and insecurity of trying to be less alone and sometimes that means we get hurt or hurt others. I'm dating a trucker right now--a man I initially dismissed--and now I'm the happiest I've ever been. He impresses me with his strength of character and devotion every single day. If you keep giving people the benefit of the doubt, they might surprise you. --Mariah
I'm Boy A. I made that comment several months ago after I was told by an LDS girl that she couldn't understand why I didn't aspire to be a surgeon rather than a boring ER doctor. It doesn't matter what our qualities or accomplishments are; we will never be good enough for your sense of entitlement. I asked her what she had to offer a in relationship that any another girl did not. She just could not comprehend that another human being had asked her that; had challenged her mormon princess syndrome. She had no answer.
PS: Mariah, your analysis of my statement is absolutely correct. I am all those things and it stems not from just this one experience but from a culmination of interactions with LDS singles.
Thank you for writing this, Mariah. It’s really unfortunate to see division and bitterness between LDS single men and women. I wish more LDS singles had your perspective!
I'm sharing this on LDS Single Friends, a Facebook Page I manage for LDS singles. Thanks for providing me with such great content.
I met a young man recently who attends a singles ward who said no one will go out with him because he is not a returned missionary. There are many reasons why a young man might not serve a mission, and that does not mean he is not a worthy young man. I told him he should tell these girls that President Monson never served a mission.
Good observations. Well done, Mariah.
:::clapping::::: That was awesome.....I hear from my son most of the statements about singles ward and singles in general....he tried to ask out this girl who is serving as the ward rep along with him....he did it in a way that she should not have turned him down....like lets get together and try to come up with activities and we will grab a bite to eat since I don't want to cook...I'm paying....she went off on him saying he can do it he has the budget.....He tried to tell her we don't have to plan lets just go for something to eat and we will talk (sensing she was stressed) and she still said no.....not too many to date in his neck of the woods...So he is now dating a non member.....His major glitch with the singles ward is he doesn't want to go back to school because he is just not cut out for that, and he tried it!!....but he has a really good job that has potential for growth....once those girls hear he has no desire to go to school...the $10,000 that he has in the bank that he has saved for his house means nothing!!! Not to mention he is not a returned missionary but he is temple worthy and striving to live the gospel.....Back in my day if someone was an attending member they would have been given a chance...
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