Brother Goddard--I love your suggestion of validating the feelings of each child and then asking compassionate questions to help our children think about what the other person wants or is feeling. Blaming only makes everyone defensive and strengthens the barriers that already exist. Helping our children to learn to get along by inviting them to take an active part in solving their differences is a golden key. Sometimes we are too quick to deal out punishment, rather than to use these situations as learning experiences.
DaveJanuary 11, 2023
Excellent article. Motivated by King Benjamin, I decided as a young father to also implement a zero tolerance for contention with our children. My technique for handling quarrels was to put both children on chairs in the middle of the living room and tell them they had to stay there until they came up with a solution to their problem that was satisfactory to each child. It worked magic. But, a word of caution - for this technique to be successful, you have to have a reputation with your children that they know you absolutely mean what you say, otherwise they will wait you out until you give up and let them go without solving the problem.
RebeccaJanuary 10, 2023
Yes, it's possible to have a *mostly* conflict-free home. I've found it begins with an adjustment in mindset on the part of parents. Many parents feel conflict between siblings is inevitable and unavoidable. High expectations and consistent follow through, along with thoughtful teaching, bears fruit eventually.
Boanerges RubalcavaJanuary 10, 2023
No, he was not joking, He was right, he was not saying "zero tolerance" (although that also should be a parental teaching) but teaching the right things to do or not to do, and then proceed to help the children. If we follow your approach (judging you as you judged King Benjamin) then our children interpretation would be that they can do whatever they want, and then no other help will reach them and we will have what is happening in this hedonistic world where everything is valid and this brings the unfortunately thought of Today and bring the consequences that evil is good and good is evil.
George PembertonJanuary 10, 2023
Thirty years ago we wrote two unpublished volumes entitled "Peaceful Parenting" that fully addressed this subject. We ended up giving each of our eleven children the two for Christmas. Vol. 1: Peaceful Parenting, the Way God Probably Intended It. Vol. 2: Peaceful Parenting Resources. All was based on Scripture and statements of latter-day prophets as we two parents tried to apply "correct principles" with our children.
LoraJanuary 10, 2023
I have often used this quote (reading it from The Book of Mormon) to my sons and visiting grandchildren. ("Do you want to serve the devil?") I often reminded them that "Grandma's house is the happiest place on earth! Now get happy!' When my sons were little and fighting, I didn't ask "who", I just knew "what". I sent them each to a separate corner and they couldn't come out until the other one set them free. Peace restored. As for balls inside the house, that was forbidden. Balls are for outside, which can prevent plenty of conflict, not to mention breaking things. I've heard of fathers quoting the section about "not suffering your children to go naked" to daughters who wished to be scantily clad.
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MaryannJanuary 12, 2023
Brother Goddard--I love your suggestion of validating the feelings of each child and then asking compassionate questions to help our children think about what the other person wants or is feeling. Blaming only makes everyone defensive and strengthens the barriers that already exist. Helping our children to learn to get along by inviting them to take an active part in solving their differences is a golden key. Sometimes we are too quick to deal out punishment, rather than to use these situations as learning experiences.
DaveJanuary 11, 2023
Excellent article. Motivated by King Benjamin, I decided as a young father to also implement a zero tolerance for contention with our children. My technique for handling quarrels was to put both children on chairs in the middle of the living room and tell them they had to stay there until they came up with a solution to their problem that was satisfactory to each child. It worked magic. But, a word of caution - for this technique to be successful, you have to have a reputation with your children that they know you absolutely mean what you say, otherwise they will wait you out until you give up and let them go without solving the problem.
RebeccaJanuary 10, 2023
Yes, it's possible to have a *mostly* conflict-free home. I've found it begins with an adjustment in mindset on the part of parents. Many parents feel conflict between siblings is inevitable and unavoidable. High expectations and consistent follow through, along with thoughtful teaching, bears fruit eventually.
Boanerges RubalcavaJanuary 10, 2023
No, he was not joking, He was right, he was not saying "zero tolerance" (although that also should be a parental teaching) but teaching the right things to do or not to do, and then proceed to help the children. If we follow your approach (judging you as you judged King Benjamin) then our children interpretation would be that they can do whatever they want, and then no other help will reach them and we will have what is happening in this hedonistic world where everything is valid and this brings the unfortunately thought of Today and bring the consequences that evil is good and good is evil.
George PembertonJanuary 10, 2023
Thirty years ago we wrote two unpublished volumes entitled "Peaceful Parenting" that fully addressed this subject. We ended up giving each of our eleven children the two for Christmas. Vol. 1: Peaceful Parenting, the Way God Probably Intended It. Vol. 2: Peaceful Parenting Resources. All was based on Scripture and statements of latter-day prophets as we two parents tried to apply "correct principles" with our children.
LoraJanuary 10, 2023
I have often used this quote (reading it from The Book of Mormon) to my sons and visiting grandchildren. ("Do you want to serve the devil?") I often reminded them that "Grandma's house is the happiest place on earth! Now get happy!' When my sons were little and fighting, I didn't ask "who", I just knew "what". I sent them each to a separate corner and they couldn't come out until the other one set them free. Peace restored. As for balls inside the house, that was forbidden. Balls are for outside, which can prevent plenty of conflict, not to mention breaking things. I've heard of fathers quoting the section about "not suffering your children to go naked" to daughters who wished to be scantily clad.
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