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August 19, 2022

Comments | Return to Story

MaryannJune 28, 2022

I absolutely love the counsel given in this article. I am so glad the author reminded the woman that she does not deserve a sense of entitlement, nor should she put pressure on her husband, or try to make demands that she be accepted by his children. She is the one who made choices that have brought about hurtful results. She needs to respect the adult children of her husband and stay in the background. She wanted another woman's husband and she got him. She did NOT get his family, too! A woman who has had any part in destroying a marriage certainly does not have the right to expect the be considered family by his children. To recognize her in any way as a "grandparent" would be extremely disrespectful to the real grandmother. This situation is a good reminder about how costly and hurtful adultery is--even for generations.

CindyJune 28, 2022

I agree with all of the previous commenters, except for one thing: Their father is just as guilty of wrecking their family as she is. Why are the adult children now willing to have their father in their lives but not his wife? They are equally to blame. I dislike when I see women referred to as "homewreckers." The men are at least active participants and need to be held equally accountable.

EmilyJune 26, 2022

It sounds from your letter like you feel that you have done enough over the years to mend fences, and by now your husband's children should be adjusted and forgiving and kind. Divorce is like a death, though, especially when there's been infidelity, and grief is cyclical. It surges up again at tender and vulnerable moments. Your stepdaughter's grief is likely to surge again with this new birth. Please set aside your own feelings here. I've never experienced anything harder and more raw than new motherhood. Don't make your stepdaughter have to deal with this drama when she's adjusting to being a mom. Eventually that may change, but only if you're able to sincerely put her needs before your own.

Lizzie GirlJune 25, 2022

Accept the fact that nobody over there will ever like you or want to see you, and allow them complete access to their father without clamoring to be part of it. You will always be the person that wrecked their family. Your "good marriage" will have to be reward enough. They may well have forgiven you in the sense of allowing the Lord to be the judge, but they will never want to hang out with you so stop trying to insinuate yourself into the mix. This is never going to change. You have nothing to offer them except the reminder of what you did. Be cool. Be humble. Stop with the neediness.

EmilyJune 25, 2022

His children treat you as the other woman because you are the other woman. If you actually regretted having an affair, you would get a divorce. This baby is not your grandchild and never will be Get over yourself and your rights. You have none here.

Debbi M.June 24, 2022

Wonderful and honest advice. Divorce is such an unfair situation, as you said, especially with infidelity. Spot on for telling this sister she has no right to entitlement, and should not make her husband choose. I take it she did not have children from her previous spouse? Maybe she would understand more?

Judith GrantJune 24, 2022

I love this answer. Not being pushy and understanding what you have done in the past has caused this to happen and showing understanding, will do a lot more to create harmony than being offended or hurt bc you’re not included. Be the grownup!

DonJune 24, 2022

The reason you are being treated like the "other woman" is that you ARE the other woman. You helped break up her family. You aren't entitled to the forgiveness you seem to demand.

WendiJune 24, 2022

Sorry, lady. You don’t get to decide “boundaries” when you were intrusive to “boundaries” that were set to protect a marriage commitment. You don’t get to decide how his children feel about you. You don’t get to decide to be welcome in their lives, especially during the joyous time of his new grandchild (not yours). How dare you use the birth of his daughter’s baby to intrude into her life again and demand to be “respected.” You won—you have the man you both wrecked homes to be together—and this is The prize of your “victory.” Leave his children alone. You have no place in their world just because you became his wife. Deal with it. Leave your husband alone about wanting him to take a stand for you with his children. This is a consequence of your atrocious decision to wreck this daughter’s home to steal her dad. You made your bed nine years ago, now go and sleep in it.



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