I've been married nearly 20 years with some ups and downs. We have been semi happy, have good communication, and show love and respect to each other. Perhaps this is my mid-life questioning, but I've been asking myself, "what is an eternal marriage?" Is it one where you have always felt like she doesn't understand me and never really will? Despite all of our best intentions to love each other, we are so fundamentally different that we can't fulfill each other. I'm afraid that our marriage stress has held us both back from being the people that we really want to be in life. Is it fair to each other to continue to be an anchor to the other?
I'm also looking forward to 'What every Wife needs to know'. It seems like whenever there is marital strife, the husband gets the blame. It's time to retire that old stereotype and accept that women are sometimes selfish and insensitive as well.
In my own experience, I have found that my wife only requires three things of me:
1. That I treat her exactly as she wishes to be treated in every way, even if she hasn't communicated those wishes. Anything less than perfection is failure here.
2. That I accept her every fault without complaint or criticism. If she is sensitive about something, I must never mention it (she is sensitive about everything).
3. That I contribute equally to the house work and child rearing, even though she is the stay at home mom and I have a full-time job and demanding calling.
Agree with Richard; I'm always picking up my wife's clothes, clean the house and do more than my share of laundry. She is the stay-at-home mom.
I have only read this excerpt, not the entire book, but it seems to assume that the only reason divorce occurs is because of the faults of the husband. Indeed, that attitude seems to permeate much of society, but divorce is almost never the fault of just one party to the marriage. I normally like articles by this couple, but this one is just too one-sided to be taken entirely seriously. In 22 years of marriage I received no expression of appreciation for my efforts, only criticism for what I was not doing (in her eyes). And even as I expanded my efforts to take account of her criticisms I was just criticized more. I see there is no hint as to whether the book 'What Every Wife Needs to Know' is being planned.
There are both sides to all stories and what is typical for one set is not the norm for another. Fact is, we are all individually responsible for our own happiness. Putting that burden on another is not fair nor healthy. That being said, when in a partnership, the ship sinks if each doesn't do his or her part. Sometimes mental illness creeps in unawares and debilitates one the other or both. Sometimes negative upbringing habits surface and are difficult to overcome. Despite all of these obstacles, the Lord has a plan and a way for us to grow and overcome. Still, one spouse cannot do all of the heavy lifting alone and carry over each obstacle. The other has to put forth effort and try.
There are as many unmotivated women out there as there are men. When one or the other has decades of sluggerly inaction and no desire to improve, cutting the cord is maybe most beneficial action for all involved.
One little thing I learned. Once a month or so I would call a florist and order the delivery of one red rose with a note on card. The note should say something about love or appreciation. One Rose and card were about 5 dollars. The delivery was about 10 dollars.
I would arrive home from the office to a friendly smiling wife (sometimes the kids were at a sitters). Caution! Never send a dozen roses. The one time I tried it I was met with a tapping foot and a "what have you done now" question.
The woman herself may be selfish and unwilling to counsel with her husband.
Loved this article...but maybe we need to read 'What every Wife needs to know'. Seems like it is always the husband.
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