I am not the Bruce who was the first to reply to this; just thought I'd make that clear. I feel the reply to this husband was not good. I do not condone his adultery, but I understand what he's gone thorugh. I feel this reply put all the weight of the marriage relationship on his shoulders, and that's just not right. His wife has essentially abandoned him. She's pysically abusive - she's an abuser. She needs to be held accountable. Even LDS women who abuse should be held accountable. Even in Utah. She needs therapy so she can understand she has a responsibility to her husband and how to begin to accept that responsibility.
RaNaeAugust 22, 2014
Geoff, I appreciate the time you spend answering there questions each week. However, I feel that this one was left wanting more. Would you please address the facts that his wife's change coincided with the birth of a child, only 6 months into the marriage.
Under these circumstances, the wife may be harboring resentments related to the loss of her planned future and the stress of becoming a parent prematurely. Even under ideal conditions the adjustment to motherhood can be extremely challenging and undiagnosed depression could account for some of the initial change.
If this man saw his wife as the source of his problems, rather than a victim of her circumstances who needed greater help, their relationship would never get the help it needed and would become redefined by the way they were both blaming each other for the pain of lost hopes.
annoymous pleaseAugust 22, 2014
Thank-you. This is a great article. I have wayward children and I gives me hope. I wish more couples would seek to have marriage counseling, before giving up on a marriage. It may or may not be saved if you go to therapy, but it is worth trying to save it. Especially when divorce can be a no-win situation. I have heard it said by someone who was married in the temple and became divorced. The spouse said they hope to be sealed and still married after the resurrection. One of the spouses didn't want to seek couples' therapy when it was an option in their marriage. This is a tragedy in my opinion. I am wondering if there are any articles written or talks given by church leaders, about why is important not to give up so quickly in a marriage except when there are serious sins not repented of. I understand people have their agency. But, with the high rate of divorce, especially in the church. I wonder if some people really understand the temple covenants we make at the holy altar during our marriages. I love the articles in Meridian...
BruceAugust 22, 2014
Out! Get out dude, or you will continue to be miserable for the rest of your life. You don't get it. She doesn't care about you or your feelings. The quicker you understand that the faster you can move on. If you tell her about the affair, that will just be ammo for her to continue to abuse you and beat you up. Face it, you are not going to have sex with her again. Period. Just get out!
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A different BruceAugust 29, 2014
I am not the Bruce who was the first to reply to this; just thought I'd make that clear. I feel the reply to this husband was not good. I do not condone his adultery, but I understand what he's gone thorugh. I feel this reply put all the weight of the marriage relationship on his shoulders, and that's just not right. His wife has essentially abandoned him. She's pysically abusive - she's an abuser. She needs to be held accountable. Even LDS women who abuse should be held accountable. Even in Utah. She needs therapy so she can understand she has a responsibility to her husband and how to begin to accept that responsibility.
RaNaeAugust 22, 2014
Geoff, I appreciate the time you spend answering there questions each week. However, I feel that this one was left wanting more. Would you please address the facts that his wife's change coincided with the birth of a child, only 6 months into the marriage. Under these circumstances, the wife may be harboring resentments related to the loss of her planned future and the stress of becoming a parent prematurely. Even under ideal conditions the adjustment to motherhood can be extremely challenging and undiagnosed depression could account for some of the initial change. If this man saw his wife as the source of his problems, rather than a victim of her circumstances who needed greater help, their relationship would never get the help it needed and would become redefined by the way they were both blaming each other for the pain of lost hopes.
annoymous pleaseAugust 22, 2014
Thank-you. This is a great article. I have wayward children and I gives me hope. I wish more couples would seek to have marriage counseling, before giving up on a marriage. It may or may not be saved if you go to therapy, but it is worth trying to save it. Especially when divorce can be a no-win situation. I have heard it said by someone who was married in the temple and became divorced. The spouse said they hope to be sealed and still married after the resurrection. One of the spouses didn't want to seek couples' therapy when it was an option in their marriage. This is a tragedy in my opinion. I am wondering if there are any articles written or talks given by church leaders, about why is important not to give up so quickly in a marriage except when there are serious sins not repented of. I understand people have their agency. But, with the high rate of divorce, especially in the church. I wonder if some people really understand the temple covenants we make at the holy altar during our marriages. I love the articles in Meridian...
BruceAugust 22, 2014
Out! Get out dude, or you will continue to be miserable for the rest of your life. You don't get it. She doesn't care about you or your feelings. The quicker you understand that the faster you can move on. If you tell her about the affair, that will just be ammo for her to continue to abuse you and beat you up. Face it, you are not going to have sex with her again. Period. Just get out!
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