It was a well thought out article. I love that you realized you were too busy and now are trying to improve your relationship with spending more time and energy on your grown children. We can't change the past but you can develop relationships now. . I would love to hear (maybe an article) what kinds of things you are choosing to do so you are not too busy now for your family. When you realize such a pivotal thing it is nice to be able to change now even if you can't bring back the past. My mother too admits she was way too busy when we were young. However, I can't remember feeling that way about her. Maybe it is because we now enjoy a tremendous relationship where she makes me and my siblings feel so important. We spend time talking on the phone, going to lunches, going to know your religions, family dinners and a myriad of other activities for however can come. She is always busy but she realizes an adult child still needs to to feel his parents love. Your article reminded me how I need to try to be more involved like my mother is with my children when they are adults.
I appreciate when people realize and accept responsibility for things they cannot change in the past. I would love to know (maybe an article) of what you are doing to develop relationships with your children because you were "Too busy" during their growing up years. I look to my mom and she too she has said she was so busy raising us it was hard to find time to get to know each us. Now we each feel her love by weekly (if not more) in long phone conversations; she asks just about our work and the kids and what is going on in our lives. We also all enjoy lunches, shopping trips( just to look and talk), firesides together, know your religion, monthly dinners with everyone who can make it etc. I especially love the holidays. My mom uses them to focus on family. She always asks the grandchildren and us what we want to do and focuses on developing relationships with us. It is not sad to realize you were "too busy." What is sad is if a person does nothing to remedy the situation when they are able to. Thank you for your candid words to remind us to always put our family and our relationships with them above our own selfish natural man!
You are lovely. I so enjoy anything you write and share it with others, You have given me great insights into my life and help me understand my role as a mother of grown children better. Mothering is the most important role in the world to me and I am so grateful for any advice and inspiration that lets me improve and move beyond past mistakes. I want to let go of the minutia of life and love more purely. Thankfully there is always another day that I can remind myself to do better!
Darla, I think that you are looking back at your life and possibly are missing the role of being a hands on mother. Your role as a mom changes as your children get older and you now have more time to reflect. What you described is nothing other than what a normal large family experiences. With all the problems a child could experience, this one is relatively minor. You had a lot to manage at that time. If all your son experienced is your being busy, well I say, "get over it". He had a roof over his head, wasn't abused, had food to eat, a good education and the chance to learn the gospel while young and learn good habits. You weren't swearing at him, hitting him, and he wasn't born with any birth defect. He is leaps and bounds better than a great deal of other people with actual problems that started while young. As the previous poster said that I agree with, "we are not meant to grow up without opposition."
Darla, my heart goes out to both you and to your son, Scott. I pray there will be healing for both of you...It took courage for you to tell this story. There is still hope through the Atonement and through you spending what time you can with Scott from now on to make a difference in both of your lives. May the Lord bless both of you!
It's easy to get too busy. On the other hand you did do a wonderful job raising your kids, and because you were serving the Lord, He brought much goodness from all of your family's experiences. We are not meant to grow up without opposition. Unfortunately a lot of our opposition comes from our closest family members even if they don't intend it to be that way. We teach and polish each other into the jewels our Father in Heaven intends us to become. Your son Scott will probably be a very different father than he would have been had he been the "center of your life." He learned something very special from you and you learned something beautiful from him. That's why we are here on earth isn't it?
I, too, was often too busy to enjoy raising my children. The weight of the responsibility made it seem such a chore rather than an act of love. so anxious about how they would turn out (with a testimony) that I burned myself out with homeschooling, holding 2 church callings, with no support from extended family as I am a convert and only member. I wish I could do it over. I would spend more time laughing with them, talking with them (not to them), and I would have learned to say no to anything that would take me away from them. Why do we mothers take on too much!
Thank you for sharing this with us Darla. It is all too easy to get caught up in "busyness" and to confuse activity with achievement. And it is hard to say "no" when we are asked to take on yet another calling (I once had four) when we know the bishopric is struggling to fill essential positions. But it is in our weakness that the Atonement of Christ takes effect and makes up for our deficiencies. We are not expected to be perfect in this life. Only to do the best we can with what we have.
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